So this is something i was thinking about browsing through this website today. this is the first time I've been on any trans or LGBT related site for a full year now. This last year i would say i spend almost no time thinking about being trans. My family doesn't think about it anymore a lot of my friends don't even know...its just not a part of my life anymore. To everyone im just a girl now and its basically non factor in terms of my identity

That doesn't mean I'm ashamed of it or try to hide it just that its prettytv irrelevant to my life. And imo isn't that the goal? Isn't transition kind of the process of putting your past behind you?

I feel like a lot of people are soo involved with this idea of community that they let it hold them back. Theyre on a million sites like this they go to support groups they have flags tshirts necklaces, its all they ever talk about or seem to think about and its like...thats substituting for actually going out and living as your preferred gender. Like it's totally intellectual for some people.

Imo i just prefer being a normal straight female to my family and people i care about and forget im even trans as much as possible.

I can only speak for myself, I'm here to help people.

"I feel like a lot of people are soo involved with this idea of community that they let it hold them back. Theyre on a million sites like this they go to support groups they have flags tshirts necklaces, its all they ever talk about or seem to think about and its like...thats substituting for actually going out and living as your preferred gender."

Maybe you shouldn't try to guess at people's motivations, it sounds like you're making lots of assumptions about why people do what they do. Also, not everyone transitions. Your experiences are valid, but so are the experiences of everyone else. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: yayo on June 09, 2015, 02:58:45 PM
So youre saying that people like that dont exist at ALL? Cuz if they do...then that's who im talking about right? I didn't name anyone specifically soo if someones offended by that they're calling themselves out not me

No, I'm not saying that. How did you reach that conclusion? I'm suggesting that you are painting with a broad brush. People are individuals, and you can't assume their motivations for doing anything without asking them.

Hugs, Devlyn

I'm certainly not offended. You seem to think that showing support for a community means someone is "trapped" and I just think that is a wrong assumption to make.

Hugs, Devlyn

Actually, letting my 'freak flag fly' (so to speak) is something I'm looking forward to after I go full time... I may even find a little trans* flag pin at Pride and stick it on my board somewhere... Subtle hint at things to come per se...

Right now, I'm presenting as a white (cis) straight male... The world has all the pride for me... Where I don't... Community abounds for white straight cismales... I love the ever-growing trans* community found here and elsewhere.

At the same time, I too, feel like slipping into the background as my true self also sounds appealing... Who knows what will happen. We are who we are, wherever in life and on our journey we find ourselves in. Being Trans* (even if only in my head at the moment) is important to me, and I wish to share my struggles with gender with others, to help them in their struggles, as so many on here have for me.

Community is how we survive. How we find and define that community is up to us. As it says below this, we're all in this together.

I'm glad you're able to be yourself comfortably without the need for such a community such as this. May we all find solace such as that one day.

I'm at the point where I'm reintegrating back into communities I had more or less left because I couldn't stand myself. Not trans communities but just gatherings of friends that I've made over the years who were a major part of my life.

However I don't mind lending a shoulder or an ear to anyone who needs it, especially a trans sister or brother.

I suspect that transitioning when 18 has a lot to do with it for you, because you don't have a lot of stuff in life, such as spouse, kids, job and other issues that older people like me have to deal with.

Quote from: yayo on June 09, 2015, 02:43:18 PM
So this is something i was thinking about browsing through this website today. this is the first time I've been on any trans or LGBT related site for a full year now. This last year i would say i spend almost no time thinking about being trans. My family doesn't think about it anymore a lot of my friends don't even know...its just not a part of my life anymore. To everyone im just a girl now and its basically non factor in terms of my identity

My trans status is not a big part of my life, nor has it ever been. I hang around this site and one other, simply to pay back a little of the help I got to get to where I am.

QuoteThat doesn't mean I'm ashamed of it or try to hide it just that its prettytv irrelevant to my life. And imo isn't that the goal? Isn't transition kind of the process of putting your past behind you?

That might be your goal, but it isn't everyone's goal. My past is part of who I am..

QuoteI feel like a lot of people are soo involved with this idea of community that they let it hold them back. Theyre on a million sites like this they go to support groups they have flags tshirts necklaces, its all they ever talk about or seem to think about and its like...thats substituting for actually going out and living as your preferred gender. Like it's totally intellectual for some people.

Some people can't transition and for any number of reasons, who are you to judge them for the ways they try and cope with that? Others like being around people who have travelled a similar path..

QuoteImo i just prefer being a normal straight female to my family and people i care about and forget im even trans as much as possible.

Normal? What's normal? Oh wait, that's a backhander to everyone who isn't a straight woman.. I'm a happy lesbian. There are a whole lot of things that rate higher on my list of "Important Things about Me" than me being trans.. I'm a Mum who got adopted when my partner died and a grandma to her kids.. I'm someone's daughter, niece.. I'm a friend to many.

I honestly don't think the 'community' really exists the way you think it does...

Quote from: yayo on June 09, 2015, 04:10:53 PM
I think you guys are misundrrstanding what im saying. Im not saying sites like this are bad but im saying they can be unhealthy if they become too big a crutch and used as a substitute for actually going and being you. Being trans is just an error mostly and when you fix that isn't it supposed to just become background noise?

Like i said im not ashamed of it and this site is useful! But i think its important not to live vicariously through an avatar or find too much validation from people who basically *have* to accept you from a political pov. And that seems to happen for a lot of people who make LGBT/trans spaces too big apart if their lives.

I answered that in my previous post - not everyone can transition and use sites like this as a coping mechanism, others like to associate with those that have travelled a similar path. Others, like me, like to give back some of the help they got.

QuoteTho i do understand my experience is very different from some of yours so im sorry if any of this us offensive.

News Flash: Everyone's experience is different..

I can't quite work out how you are mistaking my posts.. I'm not offended in the slightest by what you posted, I just
think it's a very narrow view of things. And I've given my thoughts on why, which you seem to have misunderstood.

Quote from: yayo on June 09, 2015, 02:43:18 PM
And imo isn't that the goal? Isn't transition kind of the process of putting your past behind you?

Gawd, no. Transition is the process of becoming myself. My past is as much a part of me as my present.

Quote from: yayo on June 09, 2015, 04:10:53 PM
I think you guys are misundrrstanding what im saying. Im not saying sites like this are bad but im saying they can be unhealthy if they become too big a crutch and used as a substitute for actually going and being you.

For some people the internet community is actually going and being themselves. I've found the connections here wonderful. I've met some great people and been given the opportunity to try to do a lot of good.

But I agree that someone is missing out if they spend all their time online and never go out and see the world that exists outside of cyberspace. Is that what you're saying?

I think as you mature you'll discover that someone can disagree with you without taking any offense at what you said. If you're posting only to have people agree with you, good luck! There's always give and take in a discussion. 

Hugs, Devlyn

  Thread locked.
Ok folks here is the deal. I can understand that we are not going to all agree on things and we don't have to. If you don't like how someone does something, then don't look at it. If you happened to find something offensive and would like us to take a look at it and deal with anything that breaks the rules then by all means please use the report to moderator option. It's why it's there. As for as the hugs and the like at the end of posts it just meant as a friendly gesture by some of us and is not meant to be offensive to anyone. We do understand that people have different feelings in regards to those, but it's better to let us know of that then to post about it. For now this topic appears to have run it's course and will remain locked. Thanks
Mariah

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