I love being out with friends and am part of outreach to people just coming out and those who are long term members of what we might consider our community.  It can be uncomfortable for novices stepping out, so having a sister, mentor or friend may provide some encouragement.  I'm no pro, by any means, but happy to be supportive.

How do you feel when you are out with someone who is more obviously trans or questioning than you?  My BFF and i have shepherded newbies who show up wearing a dress with a flourish of rich dark hair popping out of the bra line.  Do we make tactful suggestions?  What crosses the line for you?

On the other hand, I have also met trans people who don't want me to stand too close (you might out me!), don't consider themselves in community or even transgender at all.  I respect your self definition but how do you feel in these circumstances?   Do we police ourselves too harshly sometimes?

Our awareness of status and judgement, even if unspoken, is ongoing.  We may compare ourselves every day to those cisgender and transgender people all around us.  How would you feel standing next to Courtney Cox or Caitlyn Jenner??  I hope we might open some minds and stimulate dialogue.  You??

Good

Honestly? As a paranoid stealth, I'd avoid. In 2012 I had a terrible fight with an open/non-op we were living together and I left. Our friendship ended cos she was offended I wouldn't walk or go out with her. Even myself I was having a bit difficulty passing that time and you have one super duper obvious who just comes and smashes down all my hard worked effort to pass a little bit.

Cos here when they clock you, it's OVER! They view you literally as a MAN! And there's nothing more that irritates the core or my soul to be clocked.

I think this will depend whether they are stealths or open. I guess more than 90% of stealths will avoid and opens won't mind.

I only ever did this once, and I don't really think i could again. I just felt uncomfortable and out of place completely.

There was about 4 or 5 of us out meeting for the first time through one person we all knew, and pretty sure we had all more or less started to transition. But for me I had felt that I was so much further ahead than the rest of them, with none of them even starting any sort of voice training or any real attempts to pass, meanwhile I was pretty much going stealth.
It just felt wrong for me to be there with the rest of them and just couldn't enjoy myself.
I have no issues at all with helping others out but I just don't think I'd be able to do something like that again

I'd say that there is nothing wrong with suggestions. Fashion and grooming advice is a big industry.

I appreciate your honest and heartfelt replies.

I don't travel around with any transgender people , not because I'm stealth, but because I don't know anyone at the moment to hang out with . It wouldn't bother me though.

So far, I've only been out once, at night and pretty much only in the car. But a CIS friend keeps bugging me to go to lunch with her as Marly. The idea makes me very nervous since I obsess so much about the prospect of being ridiculed. She insists that I'd pass just fine. But I have doubts.

I like being out in public with people whose gender journey is not hidden. I don't really care if I get clocked because  of the company I keep.

One of the things that really gave me confidence that my transition would be satisfactory was an outing I took with some trans women, one of whom did not much care about passing. No one stared, no one gave us a hard time, and it was a normal afternoon. At that point I was six months away from my first estradiol and hadn't even put on my first article of women's clothing so I had no idea how passable I'd be. I learned that day that if I don't ever pass it's no big deal, I can still live my life as a woman.

Nothing compares, in my experience. to being out with the "tall girls club."  Empowering for me!

Quote from: stephaniec on June 19, 2015, 11:45:50 AM
I don't travel around with any transgender people , not because I'm stealth, but because I don't know anyone at the moment to hang out with . It wouldn't bother me though.

Quote from: Marly on June 19, 2015, 11:48:59 AM
So far, I've only been out once, at night and pretty much only in the car. But a CIS friend keeps bugging me to go to lunch with her as Marly. The idea makes me very nervous since I obsess so much about the prospect of being ridiculed. She insists that I'd pass just fine. But I have doubts.

You never know until you go;-)  I found that most people were way more involved with their own issues, shopping or whatever.  Our fears and concerns become magnified in isolation.  For most people we are no big deal.  Ever shop at Walmart?  Wishing you the best outings.

I've been out with groups of other trans woman who some were blending very well and other's very obviously trans. For the most part never an issue and we've all gone to restaurants in a group and sometimes those that don't pass get mis-gendered, but people who blended well were properly gendered so it's not like it's going to clock you.

With just one person that is obviously trans with you is a little different when it comes to people noticing and staring. I've been in those scenarios and I notice people do question it more in the way they look, but it hasn't clocked me. (They did get clocked.) Nothing violent or anything but certainly stares at them and they also seem curious how I was connected to this person.

I think it's great to be supportive and going out with someone just starting out (shopping, etc). I've done it many times and would happily doing it for someone else that needs a confidence boost.

Quote from: Sydney_NYC on June 19, 2015, 12:32:33 PM

I think it's great to be supportive and going out with someone just starting out (shopping, etc). I've done it many times and would happily doing it for someone else that needs a confidence boost.

The better part of Sisterhood, thank you Sydney

I treat people like people. If you're visibly trans, I'm cool with you. If you're stealth, I'm cool with you too. I don't have a problem. Society has the problem.

My voice is really the only thing outing me now but my glasses does too. However once I fix those I am still going to publicly go out with unpassable trans women (and men). I also hang out with very passable trans women like Sydney and Gabby. And why the heck not? It's not like we weren't there at one point in our lives. I value community because community has helped me. I have money for VFS, body contouring and FFS but I know everyone doesn't have that. And that's fine. I love everyone, especially my trans sisters and brothers.

Considering that I have never physically met a trans person (that I'm aware of), I wouldn't care if they were passable or not.  It would be awesome and less isolating to meet another transgendered individual in person.

Quote from: iKate on June 19, 2015, 10:24:41 PM
...
My voice is really the only thing outing me now but my glasses does too. However once I fix those I am still going to publicly go out with unpassable trans women (and men). I also hang out with very passable trans women like Sydney and Gabby. And why the heck not? ....

Aww, thank you 

Quote from: Tessa James on June 19, 2015, 12:01:35 PM
You never know until you go;-)  I found that most people were way more involved with their own issues, shopping or whatever.  Our fears and concerns become magnified in isolation.  For most people we are no big deal.  Ever shop at Walmart?  Wishing you the best outings.

Quite true. I doubt if I'd be the most odd looking person at a Walmart LOL

I never even give it a thought. I'm not going to get outed, and even if I did I don't care. How someone random stranger chooses to percieve me makes not one jot of difference to the person I am, and thus has no adverse effect on my life at all. I did not do this for them and their approval, I did it for me. It did it so that I would know with certainty what I am, because in truth nothing else matters.

When I was younger and more newly finished I might have been a bit nervous, but the later experience of traveling the world with a life partner who was very beautiful and attractive, but truly only passed intermittently, put me at my ease, because on many occasions I was able to rescue her because I was often misread by her detractors as the "rather plain, long suffering and loyal cis wife, who had stood by her stunning tans partner" which in the heat of the moment I, of course, always used to its full advantage to calm the situation...

I felt for her, because in her later years she sometimes used to tell me how painful it was, which of course I understood, but at the same time I know she appreciated having me as her reliable safety net.

I go out all the time with my cis girlfriends and its just natural. I just don't know any TS in my city. Going out with them has been very educational and they all constantly help me behave, makeup,hair and clothes. I have befriended a great TS who will visit me in Bangkok and I plan to give her a complete makeover.... it relativly inexpensive here. Then we are hitting the town and I dont feel that it would be any different than with my girls.

I've always said the easiest way to get clocked is by being seen with other trans women.