So this afternoon I was driving home and as I approached an intersection I noticed a pickup truck straddling the center line, and skid marks to an SUV on the other side of the road (4 lanes, 2 eastbound, 2 westbound).

There were two other cars parked behind the truck, so I was briefly confused as to what happened, and started planning to go around the scene...when I saw the driver of the pickup get out, yell "NOooo!" and run around to the passenger side, where he carried out an obviously limp woman.

I could hear him crying, wailing, as he carried her to the sidewalk. He sat her down, cradling her in his arms, but it didn't look good for her.

The other vehicle (SUV), no one had gotten out by that time...and I saw I could get through slowly, just in case others were to come out.

As I drove past I could still hear the man, and saw him rocking her as I cleared the area. I was shaken, scared, didn't know what to do.

Once I got home, I realized that my former male self would've known what to do: 4 ways on, pull over, check scene for more danger, quickly assess those involved and render aid if possible and appropriate. (I knew 911 had already been called, the two cars which had stopped both had their phones out).

Damn these hormones! Emotions got the better of me, never mind that "he" was the one who'd actually had previous experiences with giving aid at accident scenes...but my mind was locked because of emotions!!

I felt so bad for him, the driver holding his woman...I was shaking, almost weeping, thumping my breastbone (I don't know why)...the firetrucks were there about a minute after I had left, but I couldn't stop repeating, "oh my...oh my...oh my..."

Please, I need a new way to think about this. Its like I'm in a loop of trauma emotions and can't get out.

Big hug. All we can really do is hope they are okay. It's not something you can forget and you responded as any woman would. I have no doubt you would have called 911 if it hadn't already been done. It's all we can do and let someone better abled to render better aid take on the task. Hang in there and know those able did help them. Your response is par for the course. I'm amazed that even in being full time just shy of a year how much my responses have changed to somethings like that and how quickly and easily I'm emotionally affected by it too. Hugs
Mariah

situations like that the only thing you can do is call 911. They don't want you involved in touching the person, unless your pulling them out of danger because you don't know their injuries. Really from what you described the best thing to do is make sure not blocking any medical personal coming in.

hugs Beth,
its very traumatising seeing accidents, especially road ones.
Sometimes, at the time, even though you know what to do, you become so stunned and upset, you freeze.. its only natural...

I hate even looking at road accidents now if I am passing by, especially when injuries are involved, unless I am first on the scene, then I would, if not overly traumatised, try and help... Its not something that you can predict and I pray I am never in that situation to be tested.

L Katy 

Quote from: stephaniec on June 17, 2015, 09:49:16 PM
situations like that the only thing you can do is call 911. They don't want you involved in touching the person, unless your pulling them out of danger because you don't know their injuries. Really from what you described the best thing to do is make sure not blocking any medical personal coming in.

Yeah, that's why my main thought was "how do I get out of here?" Couldn't back up, couldn't turn...the guy left the truck's door open but I could squeeze by (anticipating children inside trying to get out).

True, don't move anyone unless extreme danger is present. And I do carry BBP gloves (non-latex) as part of my regular work. I would be able to stop or slow bleeding if needed. And I can calm people down who are panicking.

Correction: my fms could do these things. It's like I'm going to have to retrain myself to handle crisis situations. Or at least how to process the emotions involved ("he" would've just buried them behind a wall).

Beth Andrea,

All people can be traumatized, no matter what hormones are in their bodies. People freeze in emergency situations. Combat, surgery, EMS, it can happen to anyone. Replaying that over and over is a fairly normal thing too. It is etched into your memory and you are regretting not being able to help.

I can't help you but to say all that could be done was done. You helped by not getting in the way of the emergency vehicles on their way. You mentally clocked that there could be kids, phones were out, the emergency responders were arriving. That is all pretty good stuff to keep in mind. The other thing you did was without looking to see, you kept yourself out of danger. Most emergency responders would prefer that over almost anything. They were able to focus on the original people in need.

If you want to change how you respond the next time, you can work on that. You could just mentally force through what you seem to see as previous instinct and proceed. You could take a course in first aid and trauma care. Some of these items would be great. It is something you could drill and make a habit. He may have been different than you are but people seem to be calmed pretty well by females too .

I wish I could help with the cyclical nature of memory. I think focusing on something else with detail is the only way I could suggest might help. I hope you can move beyond this easily.

With warm thoughts,

Joanna

Oh Beth, you're such a wonderful, caring, sensitive person. How many people just wouldn't give their own actions a second thought? But it's so important to you to do the right thing that you're sort of brooding over it.

Can you accept yourself as an imperfect person (like we all are)?

I find prayer helps. I pray to know how to grow and learn from what happened and to accept myself as imperfect. I'm not really into God, so I pray to my own inner strength. It seems to work as well.

Hugs, Beth. I really hope this helps.

Thanks everyone.

Last night I ended up having to take an antianxiety pill, because my primary method of calming myself (meditation while staying in the present) wasn't affecting the panic areas within. Oh well, it worked as it was supposed to.

A good night's sleep, a good breakfast (hash browns, eggs, sausage and OJ) did a lot of good...then I come on here and see Joanne50's excellent post, and this from Suzi:

QuoteCan you accept yourself as an imperfect person (like we all are)?

What, me?! Imperfect!? Perish the thought! 

But yeah, I am imperfect. Don't always say the right thing, don't always do the right thing...but that's OK. I do my best at the time, and learn from both my mistakes and my successes (sure those are good, but often they could be better.)

eta: I edited this post 3 4 times to correct typos LOL!

I just have to think, do I want those parts of my fms--knowing first aid, be ready to take charge when needed, and having a calming effect on others? I think, on reflection, those may be core aspects of my Self, of which both my fms and me (Beth) are parts.

Thanks again everybody.

*hugs*

In Canadian law, the two thing that get you most demerit points are "failing to remain at the scene of a collision" and "failing to stop when signaled by a police officer." http://www.mto.gov.on.ca/english/dandv/driver/handbook/section4.7.0.shtml The reason why you're supposed to stay is because you're a witness, and the descriptions you can give medical professionals will be helpful given that the victims are in shock. My mom used to work in roadside assistance and people in shock don't completely understand the situation and can't speak accurately for themselves or others. Often enough, the first ones they call aren't the police... It sounds like you might have experienced memory loss from your description, which shows how much worse it would've been for the victims. You're supposed to stay, so make sure you do that.

Also, I don't know how else to honestly say this, but female womanhood shouldn't be used as a scapegoat for breaking the law... That just seems irresponsible and somewhat very insulting...

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Doesn't sound like Beth witnessed it. Secondly if she had it's against the law here too, if you leave the scene accident if you witnessed it. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: oneWhoGetsBy on June 20, 2015, 10:17:41 AM
In Canadian law, the two thing that get you most demerit points are "failing to remain at the scene of a collision" and "failing to stop when signaled by a police officer." http://www.mto.gov.on.ca/english/dandv/driver/handbook/section4.7.0.shtml The reason why you're supposed to stay is because you're a witness, and the descriptions you can give medical professionals will be helpful given that the victims are in shock. My mom used to work in roadside assistance and people in shock don't completely understand the of the situation and can't speak accurately for themselves or others. Often enough, the first ones they call aren't the police... It sounds like you experienced memory loss from your description, which shows just how much worse shock might had affected the victims. You're supposed to stay, so make sure you do that.

Also, I don't know how else to honestly say this, but female womanhood shouldn't be used as a scapegoat for breaking the law... That just seems irresponsible and somewhat very insulting...

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk