So I'm new here and am in a complicated situation that I'm having a hard time with and I just can't talk fully to anyone in my life about it all right now, so I'm hoping maybe I'll find people here to talk to about it.

Basically, I'm biologically male but identify as non-binary leaning towards feminine, but I've not been open with most people in my life about this, and I'm married and have a young daughter.
I used to openly use the term "genderless" to describe myself, but that was way back in high school. I was in the process of gender self-discovery, and never fully settled in to my ideal expression due mostly to fear of judgement. When I met the girl who I eventually married, I started seeing her family a lot and ended up repressing my gender identity even more. Then when I became a dad, I even further repressed it.

But it's getting to me. I feel the need to be open about my identity and for my expression to match it. I feel like I went backwards by burying it within me to fit into the family life I became a part of. I'm not totally closeted, but really nobody except for old high school friends and my wife have any idea how I identify.
I've been incredibly lucky this far in having a supportive wife, she knew a bit about my ideas on gender when we met. But I'm now considering a transition that involves going further into feminine expression than I ever have, and I'm even thinking about HRT. I already know she's not really into the idea of me wearing dresses or skirts, which I'd want to do, let alone all that comes with HRT. I haven't brought that idea up with her yet.
And while her family mostly isn't overly conservative, I doubt they'd take well to my gender identity and the way I want to express it. Normally I'd try to avoid people like that but our daughter is very close to them and I can't imagine letting this affect her relationship with them negatively.

I'm also not even totally comfortable myself with the idea of being an openly transgender parent. I know plenty of people have done it but I feel as though the dad-me and transgender-me are almost two different selves, and I have a hard time reconciling them in my head.

And then there's the issue of transitioning itself. I'm not sure if I should try to go as far as HRT or not. I don't fully identify as female, just on the feminine side of nonbinary, but I don't like the maleness biology has imposed on me. My body hair and facial hair especially, I just don't feel like they're me. They feel like intrusions on my body, almost like a disease. To make matters worse, I've begun to experience a receding hairline(does HRT stop that?), which, though I'm sure many vid men dislike balding, for me it feels like another aspect of maleness imposed on me that isn't me...
Anyway, I could go on and on about my war with my maleness, but long story short I don't feel my body matches who I am on the inside, and what I'd like to be on the outside.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking for help with at this point, I'm struggling with so many issues that are ultimately going to be up to me to solve. But I guess I could just use support and any possible advice anyone can give me.

I was wondering if you would like me to move this to the non binary section. They may respond more and maybe able to help with your particular question more. Hugs
Mariah

Sure if you'd like. I wasn't really sure where the best place for it would be, since it could fit in a few different categories here.

Finding a good gender therapist would probably be best. Although you've probably been over a lot of the aspects in your head, talking them all out with someone without any fear of judgement might help you find the best plan for you. I'm not really sure how best to approach a non-binary presentation that leans toward the feminine.
I know I'm a bit of a tomboy because of how much sports were a part of my childhood, even though I fully identify as female. I don't have to always wear makeup or frills or skirts or heels or whatever either. I think finding the best balance of what makes you feel good about your body, either with hair removal methods, medications, surgeries, and differing styles of clothing, is more important than anything else.
As everyone is different, find what makes you comfortable and don't worry about judgements or labels. If the person cares about you, you being yourself, honest and happy, is more important than their comfort level with how you present yourself IMO. And kids are usually way more flexible about these things than most adults.

     Hugs,
- Katie
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How does one find a gender therapist, anyway?
I've been seeing a therapist for a while for other issues, and did recently bring up my issues dealing with gender identity and expression. But she doesn't specialize in gender and doesn't have a ton of knowledge about this sort of thing or how to handle it. She suggested support groups in the area, but a gender therapist would probably be an even better idea.

And yeah I'm not too worried about how my daughter will handle it, she's still only 2-and-a-half. I do worry a bit about some possible confusion it could cause her, just because she's used to having a distinctly female "mommy" and distinctly male "daddy," but I expect that to be the least of my troubles if I take more steps towards aligning my expression with my identity.