Quote from: Julia (Apple-Whatever) on November 24, 2014, 04:14:35 AM
At 8-10 months (full time at 6) I would be stopped in the streets to be asked if was a man or a woman, be called ->-bleeped-<- or ->-bleeped-<-got... And yes, the star, specially in the metro, when people are bored or out of battery / data on the phone. I stopped giving a ->-bleeped-<- altogether a long time ago. Pretty much  my awareness radar is off, so I can't know if they are staring at me since I don't pay attention to the people other than assessing if they can be dangerous.

Kids are a different problem. Because they keep staring even if you catch them. I swear that if I keep getting stared by them after FFS... Urgh.

kids are something else . I've been stared at while their mother is dragging them and they keep staring whether I'm in total male or total female mode

I'm pretty much getting to the point where I just don't care.  Of course it wasn't always like that, but sometimes you look at yourself and say, "Shall I live in fear of others, or should I just not freaking care (to a point) and be much happier?"  I just flatout IGNORE anyone who is particularly going out of their way to insult me.  Just ignore them, meaning I act like they don't exist.

took me almost 2 years to be comfortable using public restrooms.

There was a period where I was going out in public and it would literally take me 10-20mins to get the courage to open my front door to walk down the driveway to my car.  That was the beginning of summer this year for me.. As summer passed and I started to find my "look" and attitude/confidence it got better and better.

For the longest time (even as a guy) I could never find my inner "Don't give a f**k".  I always cared what people were thinking.  I have definitely found my inner DGAF now.

Coming out at work was painful.  It took me from April-Oct to come out to everyone gradually.  I got myself incredibly worked up and stressed out for no reason before sitting down with each person in the office individually.  Every person (except 1) I told was either cool and supportive or just didn't care because it didn't affect their life.  The one guy that does have a problem with it, well I didn't like him before coming out so there is no love lost there. 

I am pre-HRT, pre-op, pre-anything... living FT.  And honestly, I feel more comfortable and confident now in public than I ever did presenting as male.  As a male I had social-anxiety, always wondering what people were when thinking they looked at me, wondering if they were judging me, etc etc...

Now, I just don't care.  I go out for lunch 5 days a week with another co-worker (male) and I don't even notice if people are clocking me let alone looking at me.  You can't please everyone in this world... EVER.  There are 7,000,000,000+ people on this planet, are you really going to stress about or care what a few ->-bleeped-<-s think or say about you?  They are a**holes for a reason.  There is something in their life they are trying to compensate for by trying to make you feel like ->-bleeped-<-.  They will make fun of and be-little ANYONE (cisgender or transgender) who they feel they can bully and who are not equal to them, just so they can inflate their fake egos a little bit more.  Flip the script on those pricks.  Confidence will take you along ways in transition.

@ Joanna; I know how you feel all too well. Sounds like you know what your doing tho as like me you've been dealing with being half and half all your life. You look very feminine in your Avatar pic tho.

As for me since I've been a member here and especially after reading through this thread it seems I've been very lucky in that physically and proportionally I appear very feminine, and always have even in childhood. I never had a "mans physique," so to speak. I'm proportionately long legged for my height of 5-5, short in the torso and I have delicate small features. Basically I pass without thinking about passing.

For a long time tho I considered myself very unlucky, as being forced by my adopted father to dress as a boy and try to act like a boy I wasn't accepted in school and was bullied constantly. However now I realize how lucky I actually was. Shame it took so long for me to realize it tho. As for what other peep's think of me? I seem to be accepted as the girl/woman I've always been but in reality to me it doesn't matter because I just don't give a flying f@@$ what other peep's think of me. Never have, never will. I'm very confident and secure in myself, my presentation and my core identity. I just don't have the time nor do I need the stress of worrying about how other peep's perceive me.

Ally

Quote from: AnnaCannibal on November 24, 2014, 12:11:34 PM
I'm pretty much getting to the point where I just don't care.  Of course it wasn't always like that, but sometimes you look at yourself and say, "Shall I live in fear of others, or should I just not freaking care (to a point) and be much happier?"  I just flatout IGNORE anyone who is particularly going out of their way to insult me.  Just ignore them, meaning I act like they don't exist.

This is where I am now. This is MY life, and I will live it.

Having said that, I do stay aware of where hostiles are, and let them know (by eye contact) that I'm aware of their existence. Sometimes I even give them a Mona Lisa smile; there's nothing of substance they can do to me, and we both know it.

I can definitely see the wisdom in both methods of transitioning. I myself have started coming into work with make up on and more or less accessorize my look to be more feminine.

However, I also get the occasional stares from men and women and it's definitely driving me to the wall and so does my friend. I am now contemplating if I should just start dressing more andro, less make up but still grow my hair longer until I confuse people LOL. I'm hitting my 3rd month on low dose HRT this 28th.

However, last friday when I stepped out in the city in full mode (with long hair and feminine clothing). I only got the looks from men checking me out sigh...so confused LOL. It seems like i'm getting more clocked with shorter hair than with a longer hair.

Oh, I forgor to tell. While if fully presenting female (make up, carefully chosen clothes etc) I blend in crowds, etc and I don't attract stares anymore, I still looked as a guy if I would not put makeup, comfortable andro clothes...
.
THat's why when I flew to Thailand I ended putting andro clothes and presenting as a guy. In the time and distance I had to make I knew my facial hair was going to grow (and I could not bring a razor), and I wasn't planning to tuck or wear makeup (much less a bra) in 20 hours of three connnected flights. So I used the male toilets and.... yeah, that moment when you pass better than you really think, and people go back to check the plaque with the gender symbol on the door.

Funniest moment was when despite my self perceived unpassability I had to take a full body scanner and gave an error. THey had set it as "female" before I entered and it was aiming between my legs as "there's something wrong here".

For the way back I will be presenting as female... There is little reason now post-FFS.

I do avoid the streets because I don't like being stared at & I have anxiety from being trans all together but over all, it doesn't stop me too much. 4 years of living like this & I've become semi-introverted but I can still manage to go to parties & chat up with guys with no anxiety at all. Being bullied isn't too much of a problem for me since I live in San Diego & I guess it's a pretty accepting area. The most people will do is stare & that doesn't bother me too much unless I'm stuck somewhere & they're staring (ex. Public transportation, while I'm sitting in a room waiting, etc.). In which case, I'll just stare back, smile, or look at my phone.

I think it's really brave if you do that. My plan is to simply not do that and present as cis male for as long as possible. I wasn't looking forward to that frustration of having to hide the part of myself that I like, but with my meds not working it looks a whole lot better than what I'm currently experiencing.

Quote from: Julia (Apple-Whatever) on November 24, 2014, 04:14:35 AM
Kids are a different problem. Because they keep staring even if you catch them.

Perhaps it wouldn't matter as much if the stares were as innocent as those of kids.  Would we really care?  It's the nastiness, the disgust, the bigotry that's the real problem.  Why can't someone look somewhere in between the so-called gender norms?  The real problem isn't us or how we transition, it's those in society that think we need to conform to their ideal view of the world.   I would suggest they have a serious mental disorder.

Just a thought,
Paige

I am not 100% passable yet I have no fear of the streets now. Nobody has said a word to me, except when I used to dress androgynously and people would still call me "sir", "he", and "him." But I chalk that up as an honest mistake, and I wasn't trying that hard anyway. My voice didn't help much either.

Occasionally I get a glance, and sometimes a stare. But never a word. I guess this is how it is in New York? Maybe if I was in another part of the country things would be different. Kids don't really stare. In fact I've had kids sit next to me on public transportation with their parents and they didn't even look at me.

During my first year on Testosterone I stayed in my house and only went out to go to work. I didn't want people staring at me at all. Finally after being a lot more passable and growing out my facial hair, I can go out and do things without worry. The only thing I hate now is showing my ID to people because I still haven't gotten it changed.

I wish we could just mail in our doctor's letters and get our drivers license that way. I really don't want to go to the DMV, I hate it soooo damn much. When I first went to the DMV to get my name changed the woman behind the counter kept looking at me and then my ID. It was really uncomfortable but I just kept starring at her waiting to say something offensive. If she wanted to make me feel uneasy, I was going to do the same damn thing to her lol.

I have never been outside dressed.  Home, support groups, and therapists office.  I MIGHT go out this weekend if someone in my support groups wants to go out.  Maybe. 

I just don't feel like I pass at all.  I'm supposed to get a new wig tomorrow and a proper makeup lesson on Monday, so we'll see if that helps my confidence.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

I could not give a damn. I go out in full Conchita mode these days, when I need a break from shaving.

I am very different from the old me. I am confident - but importantly - I have a happy, positive presence. People respond to *that*.

Sure, I look like a girly boy. But people can see who I am, and they seem to like what they see these days. It's never been easier to get on with life.

Quote from: amber roskamp on November 23, 2014, 10:25:58 PM
yea definitely. I am pre everything so I can go out with mild discomfort as a male but if I go presenting female I get weird looks all the time. I think lasers and hrt could make me passable though. at least I hope

Wow this was an old topic. I think it's really interesting how much different my opinion is now compared to how it was. I feel much more confident now. I don't think I pass perfectly but I know I can go out like I actually want in most situations with out getting bugged. My original post was a month before ahhh kind of transition aside from me attempting to hone presentation skills.

Quote from: Jill F on December 07, 2013, 05:53:47 PM
People suck. 

The first few times I stepped out were not pretty, and neither was I.   I had no idea what I was doing and some d-bags really let me have it.  I had beard shadow, thinning long hair and basically felt like a shaven ape in a dress.  My demeanor was off due to anxiety issues and my femme voice was nonexistent. 

Part of me wanted to just give up presenting female publically until male fail, it that ever happened, but I never gave up and just reminded myself that it gets better every time.  The world is full of haters, and we can't change that.  If they keep you at home to the point of reclusiveness, they win and you lose. 

Unattractive ciswomen have to face the world every day as well.

Well, I was going to say something, but I just realized this was a zombie thread and that I pretty much said it 1 1/2 years ago.  I suppose I'm a tad less misanthropic than I was then, but it's funny that I was about to chime in with pretty much the same thing.

Wow my topic got bumped after years.

Anyways just to update you about me. I still haven't had FFS, only SRS but I am now somewhat passable. I did some cheek fillers with hyaluronic acid and it changed my face a lot. I've also notice since I did SRS, my aura became overall softer. In every 10 people, only 1 might know. I'm somewhere as 80%-90% passable. It's rare they clock me now but it still does happen once a blue moon.

I always thought it was my face but in fact it was a bunch of stuffs that I thought was trivial but counted a lot in passing.

1. Make up. (not to exaggerate or it becomes obvious as a drag, not wear too flashy, just gloss or brown shadows)
2. Dress code. (not to be too provocative and try to dress as a normal GG, avoid high heels, showing too much breasts or skirts too shirt)
3. Mannerism, behavior and speech. (This is the most subtle thing that many ignore but counts a lot in passing. I use to exaggerate a lot my feminity before it's when they clocked me as ->-bleeped-<-, need to go smooth and graceful and be sweet in speech and gestures specially the way you walk too)

^ this is truth.

If only I had the sensibilities to follow it ...

Quote from: Jill F on July 16, 2015, 05:22:27 PM
Well, I was going to say something, but I just realized this was a zombie thread and that I pretty much said it 1 1/2 years ago.  I suppose I'm a tad less misanthropic than I was then, but it's funny that I was about to chime in with pretty much the same thing.

ie frankinstien

I was going to call this a zombie frankinstien, considering It died december 2013, was temparely revived in november 2014, and hit with the lightning this july 16.

Quote from: Evolving Beauty on July 18, 2015, 01:52:27 PM
Wow my topic got bumped after years.

Anyways just to update you about me. I still haven't had FFS, only SRS but I am now somewhat passable. I did some cheek fillers with hyaluronic acid and it changed my face a lot. I've also notice since I did SRS, my aura became overall softer. In every 10 people, only 1 might know. I'm somewhere as 80%-90% passable. It's rare they clock me now but it still does happen once a blue moon.

I always thought it was my face but in fact it was a bunch of stuffs that I thought was trivial but counted a lot in passing.

1. Make up. (not to exaggerate or it becomes obvious as a drag, not wear too flashy, just gloss or brown shadows)
2. Dress code. (not to be too provocative and try to dress as a normal GG, avoid high heels, showing too much breasts or skirts too shirt)
3. Mannerism, behavior and speech. (This is the most subtle thing that many ignore but counts a lot in passing. I use to exaggerate a lot my feminity before it's when they clocked me as ->-bleeped-<-, need to go smooth and graceful and be sweet in speech and gestures specially the way you walk too)

And Im so glad things have improved for you.