Hi! My name's Taj. I'm new here and I'm not sure if I'm posting this under the right thread but oh well, here goes nothing~

I'm a 19 year old transgender male currently living in New York with my family. I go to college in CT so i'm at least away from my family during the school year. However, I have no choice but to stay with them during the summer. I've already come out to my immediate family and those who live in my house with me about being trans, so they know. They haven't acknowledge me yet (and most likely will never but that's a different story), but at least they know im trans and I still have a home, which im grateful for.

However, during the summer alot of extended family and family friends come over to visit and even stay for a number of days. I'm pre everything, but I will most likely be starting Testosterone either late this year or early of next, and it got me thinking. What the hell am I gonna do when I dont look like the "sweet little girl" from the family pictures and I have to face my extended family again next summer? What do I say? Do i tell them in advance through a letter or wait until I meet them face to face so they can see that I'm serious?

And another thing, my family is Jamaican, and alot of members still live down in Jamaica. Most of them have never even left their town. They are incredibly ignorant and sheltered, and EXTREMELY HOMOPHOBIC. IF you thought Russia was bad for lgbt people you've never been to Jamaica. When I came out to my grandparents (that live in america with me but were born and raised in Jamaica) i couldnt even use the term transgender because they simply would not understand. The only thing theyve come into contact with that defied gender binaries was an intersex goat they raised back home on their farm. and that limit of knowledge goes for most of my family still living down there. I really do love my family down in Jamaica and I LOVE visitng them but I dont think they will ever understand much less come to accept me...

HI Taj.
If you are going to tell your extended family, its probably best to do it in person. That way you can see how they feel though not only their words but their body language as well.
It can be hard not to be defensive or act like you think you are doing something wrong.

Its important that they know that being a transgender is not the same thing as being gay or a lesbian. There is nothing wrong with that either, but that isn't the issue you are facing. There are numerous papers concerning the whys about people who are transgenders. Many are studies and you may want to google as many as possible. Just put in "causes for ->-bleeped-<-". Some theories have to do with hormones, others with problems that are genetic in nature.

Remember, you haven't done anything wrong, so its important not to seem unsure or overly nervous. I can't tell you whether you should tell them or not. That is a very personal decision. Mine is only an opinion. The fact that your immediate family hasn't run you out shows that even though the people around them may be against transgenders, they still love you and consider you part of the family as you always have been.

I hope things work out for you. We are who we are not by choice but by biology. I seriously doubt anyone would choose to go through what we have to in telling loved ones and then going through painful surgeries.

sam1234

Do you think anyone in your family is going to be ok about it?
Maybe come out to them first, start small, build up, educate and be brave.

Don't go in looking for a fight and hopefully they'll be ok