Hi everyone I have had an emotional week and need some where to vent and advice please. I have been married for 6 years and she is amazing and the one. But I have to be true to myself as well. She took me coming out to her as well as can be expected but she is struggling to talk to me and sometimes I feel like she doesn't want me to touch her. And I feel like such a bitch and so selfish for saying anything to her and being so freed and happy. So I suppose my question is any one been through this with advice.

Hi Emily,

It can be a very difficult situation. Remember your wife thought she was marrying a man who could be with her and her children. Many wives go into deep shock and their dreams have been shattered.

You have to try and keep communication open. Be loving and caring, be understanding of what she is going through.

If she can join you in some of your counselling sessions it may help. But unfortunately be prepared for the worse. many marriages do not survive this.

Yes, dear, coming to terms with your gender is selfish. Unfortunately it's something some of us have to do. The alternative can be unbearable - dysphoria, regret, resentment. It's just too much to ask of us, selfish or not, to continue pretending to be someone we're not for the rest of our lives.

The advice is hard to take, because this is a scary time. Here's what I've got. I hope it helps:
* Recognize and accept that you can't control what your wife decides to do and feel about your gender exploration.
* She may react, negatively and she may react positively. Because you have no control over which happens, it's wise to be prepared for both possibilities.
* You may already have done this, but make sure she is educated about being trans. Make sure she knows you didn't choose this, it doesn't go away on its own, there's no cure, and it can literally destroy you if you ignore it.
* Keep posting. We're here for you when you need us.

Hugs, Emily. This was the toughest part of my journey. You have the strength to deal with whatever happens.

I wish I  knew how to put you in touch with my wife.  She was frazzled for a little bit, but she is on a low dose of Zoloft now, has been for nearly 3 months.  Hopefully she won't need to stay on it forever, but it's working wonders for now it seems.

Not saying your wife needs to be medicated, that wasn't my intention, that's just some background.

My point is, I think we're closer now than we ever were before, emotionally.  I'm a better spouse for it (and thanks to the hormones).  But it wasn't easy to get to this point.  There were a lot of tears shed and worries and fears and contingency plans made.  I don't know how she did it or what did it, so getting them talking together would be better than any advice I can offer.

Being married and in love with your wife and she in love with you and having a wife that wants a man and is embarrassed to be with a trans woman is a very difficult situation. This is my situation and my wife has known I am trans for 2 1/2 years.

Tonight we emotionally went over my need for transition and her desire to leave and divorce. We agreed to remain calm and continue to see the marriage counselor tomorrow night.

There is not a magic potion, just being honest (not my strong suite) about your needs and she about hers and reinforcing your love for each other.

I found my soul mate 25 years ago and she is the only person I care to share my life with. Without her, I would be lost.

Be honest with her and tell her your needs and listen to hers. Hopefully sharing each others needs and keeping open and loving communication will enable the two of you to remain married. If not it may help in remaining friends.

Apparently, seeing the multiple posts/replies to posts, I'm not the only one who had a rough conversation with their wife last night...

What that means is you're in good hands/company here. Many of us are struggling with this too. I've been married for 4 years now, with a preschooler and another on the way....

Hang in there. I'm trying to hang in there too.

Ditto,

My wife is about to start therapy again too. Not just from my revealing but a very tense work environment.

I wish us all good conversations and luck.

With warm thoughts,

Joanna