Agreed that the therapist sounds like a nutjob.  Don't go back.  Find someone else.  She'll more likely do more harm than good - if not to your mind, then at least to your wallet.

Thank you everyone for your advice and concerns. Just the responses here alone have been better therapy for me than anything I could get from this therapist. I am looking for a new one. Due to my health condition, chronic Lymes Disease, any testosterone increase in my system causes the bacteria to flourish, making me VERY sick. My Doctor knows this and wants to put me on blockers and estrogen, but says I have to have a therapist because the hormones will make me feel different. She says 4 sessions and she will start me on HRT, I don't think she is even looking for a "letter" or permission from the therapist, just that I have one to go to when I get hormonal. This will be my second therapists and I get this feeling that they do not even bother to look at my medical records. I am very upfront to them about my goals and conditions, medications I am on and my mental state. Each time they initially act like they are willing to council me and that they understand the issue. Each time they take my money... Each time they veer off into investigating other potential mental health issues, I humor them at first but then state that I am here for HRT counseling and until I get that I am not willing to look into depression, anxiety , bi-polar, or any other mental health issue. Get me on the HRT first, and then if I have any mental health issues after, we can try to deal with them. I think one major thing the therapists are picking up on is that I am totally happy, perhaps this confuses them. They expect that I would be distressed , depressed , suicidal, or something, but what they don't realize (since they didn't bother to go over my records) I suffered for 4 years with debilitating Lymes Disease, most times I could not get out of bed. I just wanted to die. I cold not eat, was rushed to ER a few times, once I was puking up blood for days. I am finally feeling better since last fall and I am back to doing some of the things I used to love. Yes! I am happy, elated in fact. I thought I would never be well again. I have a whole new outlook on life, I think Lymes may have killed off the "man" in me and the stronger "woman" has emerged and taken my life back!

I guess my fear is that I spend more time to find a therapist, pay them a few sessions for them to just be like... "Why are you so ->-bleeped-<-ing happy, something ain't right..." Am I not allowed to be happy that through my sickness and recovery I found my true self? Am I not allowed to be excited about the future? Should I be pretending to be all sad and misunderstood? I have nothing but support from my friends and family, why do these therapists want to make me miserable?

again thanks everyone!

much love,

Jade

Quote from: Jade_404 on July 30, 2015, 10:31:55 AM
"Why are you so ->-bleeped-<-ing happy, something ain't right..." Am I not allowed to be happy that through my sickness and recovery I found my true self? Am I not allowed to be excited about the future? Should I be pretending to be all sad and misunderstood? I have nothing but support from my friends and family, why do these therapists want to make me miserable?

I am post surgical 33 years and I still walk around with a smile stuck on my face. After going through hard times, having things go right in your life makes you high on life. Doesn't cost you a cent, it's non addictive, always available and legal. I am glad you have discovered this. Only problem with this is sometimes people ask me what I am smiling about. They find it hard to believe people can be happy all the time.

Now I don't understand why your doctor doesn't just give you HRT anyway. Surely its better to fix a physical sickness you actually have than worry about what might or might not happen in your head in the future? He can always monitor you and stop it you start going crazy.

He could also start you on low dose and see how that goes for a while to minimize risk.

Quote from: AnonyMs on July 30, 2015, 01:10:19 PM
Now I don't understand why your doctor doesn't just give you HRT anyway. Surely its better to fix a physical sickness you actually have than worry about what might or might not happen in your head in the future? He can always monitor you and stop it you start going crazy.

He could also start you on low dose and see how that goes for a while to minimize risk.

I plan to talk to my Doctor about this next week at my appointment. She works with other transgender / intersex patients and has for many years. She feels it would be a good idea for me to have a good relationship with a gender therapists because as she says, a lot of bottled up feelings will probably come rushing out when you get hormonal and it is important to have someone to talk to about those feelings. I want to agree with her, but so far in all my life, every therapists I met seems like a basket case to me. Like they don't have their own ->-bleeped-<- together. ugh.

-Jade

That is awful. I would get a new therapist but that's just me. Do be careful with her. I listened to a transwoman recently who's therapist bullied her for years by denying her HRT and restricting her HRT and then finally by coercing her into getting a surgery that she wasn't ready for, by a doctor the transwoman didn't want to use. The end result was that she no longer has any feeling down below. I'm glad to hear that your doctor seems to understand the importance of this issue that occurred.

Quote from: Jade_404 on July 30, 2015, 10:31:55 AM
Each time they take my money... Each time they veer off into investigating other potential mental health issues, I humor them at first but then state that I am here for HRT counseling and until I get that I am not willing to look into depression, anxiety , bi-polar, or any other mental health issue.

Except that checking for comorbid mental health issues is exactly what is required under the WPATH SoC's... No wonder your therapist is screwing you around, you won't do what is required.

QuoteI guess my fear is that I spend more time to find a therapist, pay them a few sessions for them to just be like... "Why are you so ->-bleeped-<-ing happy, something ain't right..." Am I not allowed to be happy that through my sickness and recovery I found my true self? Am I not allowed to be excited about the future? Should I be pretending to be all sad and misunderstood? I have nothing but support from my friends and family, why do these therapists want to make me miserable?

I've always been pretty happy, but I also let my therapist do his thing and check for other possible issues. At the time, the previous version of the Standards of Care were in effect, so I did 3 months therapy before I got my letter - but once the 3 months were up, I got it as soon as I asked for it.

Quote from: Jade_404 on July 30, 2015, 01:53:48 PM
I plan to talk to my Doctor about this next week at my appointment. She works with other transgender / intersex patients and has for many years. She feels it would be a good idea for me to have a good relationship with a gender therapists because as she says, a lot of bottled up feelings will probably come rushing out when you get hormonal and it is important to have someone to talk to about those feelings. I want to agree with her, but so far in all my life, every therapists I met seems like a basket case to me. Like they don't have their own ->-bleeped-<- together. ugh.

Its possible you may have a problem with your doctor as well. I'd guess you trust her because she works with other trans patients, etc. In my experience most doctors range from incompetent to adequate, a few good, and there's only a couple I'd rate as great. It's much the same as any other profession. I don't really trust any of them, and double check everything I can (I'm not really paranoid, I asked my psych; you can't be too careful).

There's a clinic in Sydney that is known for their expertise in transgender medicine and less than 10 years ago I visited and asked what they prescribe for HRT. The doctor there told me premarin, which is basically obsolete for years now, and dismissed my concerns. So much for expertise, and I don't trust the rest of the place if they work with someone like that.

I'm not sure about other people but I never had any emotional problems from HRT. I do get a bit more emotional, but its just typical female stuff. The mental problems I've had are serious, but completely due to not going on HRT, then not increasing HRT, and not transitioning. All self-inflicted.

Quote from: kelly_aus on July 30, 2015, 05:06:43 PM
Except that checking for comorbid mental health issues is exactly what is required under the WPATH SoC's... No wonder your therapist is screwing you around, you won't do what is required.

While that might be true, it's also an excuse than can used to justify just about any mistreatment by the therapist. In the context of the rest of it, assuming is all representative, I don't think that's the correct interpretation, and regardless of the truth of it that doesn't mean she shouldn't have HRT. There's no way of knowing of course (and I'm not trying to start an argument as that would be pointless).

Quote from: kelly_aus on July 30, 2015, 05:06:43 PM
Except that checking for comorbid mental health issues is exactly what is required under the WPATH SoC's... No wonder your therapist is screwing you around, you won't do what is required.

Sure, I get this, and I had no problem in my first visit (1 an 1/2 hours) answering all her questions regarding my mental health. When on the second visit she is spending over 20 minutes more, asking some of the same questions. Then she wanted to dig into my sleep habits, I told her it was time to discuss HRT, not possible sleep disorders. Then her tone changes. I AM trying to do what is required. I won't allow a doctor or therapists to convince me to take medicine I don't need. I like my system running clean, especially since I am healthy again. And my sleeping patterns are the same as when I was a teen, I sleep when I am tired, normally for 2-4 hours and then I am up back at it again, I am always awake at 3AM. There is no problem, this is my normal. I don't need sleep evaluation, or sleeping meds. I don't need to spend more money to discuss my chosen sleeping habits.

-Jade

Quote from: Jade_404 on July 30, 2015, 07:01:05 PM
Sure, I get this, and I had no problem in my first visit (1 an 1/2 hours) answering all her questions regarding my mental health. When on the second visit she is spending over 20 minutes more, asking some of the same questions. Then she wanted to dig into my sleep habits, I told her it was time to discuss HRT, not possible sleep disorders. Then her tone changes. I AM trying to do what is required. I won't allow a doctor or therapists to convince me to take medicine I don't need. I like my system running clean, especially since I am healthy again. And my sleeping patterns are the same as when I was a teen, I sleep when I am tired, normally for 2-4 hours and then I am up back at it again, I am always awake at 3AM. There is no problem, this is my normal. I don't need sleep evaluation, or sleeping meds. I don't need to spend more money to discuss my chosen sleeping habits.

-Jade

It would be funny it it weren't for the serious nature of this. We sound very alike, and I'm not putting up with any crap from doctors either. I like your attitude. I have really messed up sleep habits, probably from stress. I sleep when I'm tired, wake when I'm not, and there's no fixed time of day for either. I don't recall there being any issue with my psych apart from trying to book appointments when I was up during his working hours.

I should say that didn't have any problems apart from depression and being transgender, though he did wonder if I was paranoid for a while. I'm just difficult and I like it that way.

Hi,

To focus on something else....

Your body shape is wrong and you're growing breasts.  Something is different with your physiology.  While the "cure " may very well be estrogen, taking it will cloud the issue and make diagnosis more difficult.  If you want to find out why this is happening, seeing a specialist may be prudent prior to starting HRT. 

On the other hand, you can just stop HRT for a while and then see a specialist. 

I went into my psychologist, said "My body is changing into a woman and I'm going with it."  Started HRT four weeks later.  Went off for eleven weeks visiting Mayo several months later.  Then went back on....

Just a thought....

My other thought is your old therapist is not a good therapist.  The term "idiot" comes to mind.

Hugs,

Jen

Quote from: JLT1 on July 30, 2015, 08:13:05 PM
"My body is changing into a woman and I'm going with it."

Cool cool, this is basically what I said to my Doctor, and we have been doing many tests and checking if there is anything wrong with me. I had 14 different labs done in the past month, as well as an ultrasound of my testicles, because she felt a lump in one. They say it is just a cyst and nothing to worry about about unless it starts growing or becomes painful, also that it would not cause hormonal changes. My labs are all back and my Doctor says I look healthy according to all the reports. She said my cholesterol numbers could be brought down, but they are only slightly high. I love pie It must be the pie... hehe. 

One thing that has been mentioned it that a benign cyst could be pressing my pituitary gland and making it malfunction. I think my Doctor is checking everything else first. How do they even check that, an MRI? It still wouldn't explain my girly features as I started puberty. Would it?

Hugs,

Jade

I am going to get my hormone levels from my Doctor and post them in this thread tomorrow. Is this ok to do? She told me my levels look "good". Good for a man? for a woman? idk.

thanks all,

Jade

You can post your levels......

How old are you?

Jen

Quote from: JLT1 on July 30, 2015, 10:27:28 PM
You can post your levels......

How old are you?

Jen

41 years.

Quote from: slickpixie on July 30, 2015, 09:08:41 AM
Your therapist sounds bi polar. I would get a new one.

Exactly

Here are the numbers from my tests I took last month. As my doctor said, they look good. She says I have to cut back on pie, hehe.
__________
estrdol 27
total testostorone 748
prolactin 7.0

cholesterol 172
triglycerides 213
hdl 32
ldl 109
__________

I have had these results sent to my therapists so she can stop accusing me of using meds. But, I do not know normal range numbers for a 41 year old male. Can anyone here tell me if I have feminizing numbers? I did explain to my Dr and Therapists that My boobs and body plumped out about a year ago when I got better and my appetite increased. I have not seen any new changes lately aside from my breast shape is smoother lately. I can't wait to see what HRT does for me. Just wish the therapists would not block me...

Thanks all,

Jade

Well for a female prolactin levels should range from 2-29 you don't want to be higher than 29 normal prolactin for males is 2-18


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Your triglycerides are quite high as far as estriol levels this is the info I found I hope this helps IMG_0854.PNG


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