It is my 33rd Wedding Anniversary today
I remember the fear and joy
My bride walking to me at Decca's, a restaurant we had chosen for our friends to celebrate our happiness
I remember the dread of my commitment; I would be her husband and I could never be her wife
I chose that, to be normal, to be a man, to stop the horror and be a guy
I remember our Honeymoon and asking to wear her dress; the acceptance when she said yes
And the Horror returning as the zip was closed.
I recall our life, her continual acceptance - but to a point, and my shame
My everlasting shame
I recall our holidays, two girls painting the town, shop till we drop, and my sadness of never being me
The night she tripped and fell, her skull split on a step, my fear of losing her, my decision not to turn off life support - because I didn't want to lose her
I recall living in ICU; brain rehab units, victories and defeats, tears and prayers
Tears and prayers to non-existing Gods and promises that I would be a man - if she could live
It is our 33rd Wedding Anniversary today
I sent her flowers to the nursing home where she now lives
Signed Cindy - your wife.
It is my 33rd Wedding Anniversary today
The price has been too great.