One of my biggest regrets in life is that I never had children. The are simple in their thoughts and don't judge but yet show us a different view of life that we long forgot. I think your little gem may be as good as a therapist in helping you see the value to life.

Quote from: Dena on August 08, 2015, 09:10:10 AM
One of my biggest regrets in life is that I never had children. The are simple in their thoughts and don't judge but yet show us a different view of life that we long forgot.

Well you might try some activities that bring you in contact with children...
there might be volunteering for example...
or summer camps..
quite a few people say its nice to have them around for some time but its also nice to have some solitary time afterwards 

Quote from: Laura_7 on August 08, 2015, 09:13:42 AM
Well you might try some activities that bring you in contact with children...
there might be volunteering for example...
or summer camps..
quite a few people say its nice to have them around for some time but its also nice to have some solitary time afterwards 

I think it's my physical size because I can see it in there eyes. They think a woman can't be that big so they treat me like a strange man becoming very shy and hide behind mom's leg. The people I know didn't have children or their children have grown to young adulthood so finding a child I can hang out with is a bit difficult.

Quote from: Dena on August 08, 2015, 09:27:38 AM
I think it's my physical size because I can see it in there eyes. They think a woman can't be that big so they treat me like a strange man becoming very shy and hide behind mom's leg. The people I know didn't have children or their children have grown to young adulthood so finding a child I can hang out with is a bit difficult.

Well kids are quite sensitive.
If you exude a calmness and a positive attitude towards them they should pick it up.
Often they also react to simply a smile...

Well there should be lgbt activities where tending to kids could be included...
and if you really like it there might be summer camps etc where kids of all ages might be, and the need for people to look after them...

Thanks for the replies all. I guess I'm using this thread as a way to write my thoughts down.

Last night was bad. Really bad. Wife and I are not well. She got me to discuss it last night and things were tender than ever, she cried, I cried. She kept asking what I wanted and the truth is I don't know what I want. I want her, I want my family, but I also want to explore ways to lessen my dysphoria. I want to dress a bit and play with make up and present as female, even if it's on my own. Maybe it gets to the point where I want to live part or full time as a woman but I don't know if I will ever get to that point.

It seems ridiculois to just toss aside everything I care about just to explore this stuff, but the dysphoria has gotten so bad that this doesn't seem like such a terrible option.

I told her my whole story, and she is obviously not happy about any of this but we left it at, I could crossdress in my alone time. This relationship is standing on a knife-edge and I'm not sure what else to do.

You need to go with what works for you because in the end it's your life and not anybody elses. You have some tough choices ahead of you and I wish you the best of luck sorting them. It might help to make a list of pros and cons of each choice to come to a decision as to which route to go with. Hugs
Mariah

If the wife would accept you, there is a perfect answer but as long as there is a disagreement, it will be a case of the lesser of two evils. The way I see it, you need to continue with therapy and see where it takes you. At this point you can't make any long term decisions because you don't have all the facts you need to make the decision. That is why we have RLE to get the information need to decide if this is something we want to do full time and if surgery would be the correct decision for us. On the lower end you are still between one and two years before deciding on what your future will look like. If your wife wants a decision now, she is asking for something you can't provide.
At this point, all you can do is take it one day at a time and hope for the best.