It's interesting. I've been thinking about this too.
I think society sees women as inherently valuable.... largely regardless of what they look like or even act like - so long as those around them perceive them to be women still. It's just basic biology and the way humans' brains have wired themselves as a result - that "women and children first" mentality that evolved back when we were trying to survive in caves or on plains and splitting the roles by gender since biology pretty much forced us to back then, and when protecting women from harm was absolutely necessary to the survival of any group of humans. A "tomboyish woman" or even "butch woman" is tolerated more than an "effeminate man" because societies tend to believe "women should be protected" and "men should protect women"... so I figure the backlash on gender bending women or ftms is - on the whole - less hostile because of that instinctive breaker we have on tolerating females and on not being violent to females. (I know about those publicized cases of violence and hate crime toward FtMs, but I still think we have an easier time of it than MtFs).
- Whereas a man is more defined in society's eyes by what he does and brings to the table... if he's acting like a female but cannot reproduce like one then he could literally be seen by many as not having much value as a man because he's not fulfilling those male roles that make him socially 'valuable', and no value as a woman, because he cannot reproduce like one. It's very primitive subconscious wiring, designed long ago when we had some need for it, still very much in place even though now we don't need it. But it may go some way to explaining why FtMs are more tolerated than MtFs in general and why even when we come out as male, people tend to react less violently to us, but have a very hard time 'letting go' of the idea we are female, even going so far as to ask us if we're not just having some kind of "personal crisis", if we really know what we want at all... and so on. People seem kind of pre-programmed to think it's a cry for help from a female rather than a real pro-active decision, and they're even kinda pre-programmed on the whole to be nicer to us and help us as long as they think we are women, compared to those they think are men. For a male coming out as female, I imagine the reaction is more hostile if this biological wiring has always determined that men should not "act like women", because if a man says he is now female, not only is he probably going to pass up or shy away from traditionally seen "male responsibilities", but he cannot really ever be quite like a female by becoming pregnant.
I don't agree with all of these roles/ideas personally, but they are out there for all to see in action a lot of the time in pretty much every society on earth. A lot of people may have more progressive ideas about equality and so on now, but I think the wiring is still there and it still comes out every time someone's caught in a housefire or disaster situation. People instinctively tend to help women and children over men, and instinctively expect men to make themselves useful helping out others. Not saying that's a bad thing - personally I always feel inclined to help others in need, and not so much myself, in serious situations I put a lot of thought for myself on the back burner because I know I'll make do somehow while others might not. And that's because innately I feel no female value in myself and have no maternal instincts... instead my instincts are to protect and to aid and to be useful, probably like most mens'.
I wouldn't have given much thought to what I just said above, if I hadn't experienced my last year or so pre-transition and how people were actually treating me in person. Coming out I received general support, but a lot of "are you sure?" "do you need help?" "do you know what you're doing?" even though the people saying it have known me for life and know that I nearly always know what I'm doing, that I'm usually a resolute and capable person who almost never asks for help. Some people I know are having difficulty accepting my trans status, even though they know I've always been a distressed and awkward child and this is a big part of the explanation for that. Some have even said "I don't want to let go of the idea of you as a woman" or "what's wrong with just being a tomboy?" I keep coming back to this idea of how valuable a female is on that subconscious level in people's minds... and how it's perhaps a reason for why I got so much conflicting support and disbelief (or even mockery as a silly fad) from others. I keep trying to find a decent explanation for why people cling so desperately to the old idea of us and why it becomes engrained so deep in their minds in the first place, even if they are normally very rational, intelligent people. I think this biological wiring might be it. It comes from a time when we couldn't perhaps afford to mess around with gender because humans subsisted on the edge of survival, and when the technology just was not there that would have presented the possibility of a gender change, and so the mental process of accepting that is tougher, even now.
With these ideas milling about in my brain, I just got back from work where I met a new male coworker from Eastern Europe. Without knowing a thing about me, he immediately insisted he would carry the heavy stuff because I was a woman, even though I'm not looking all that much like one these days, or act like one at all. I didn't make a scene; I let him do as he pleased as I understand these roles and these tendencies are ancient, wired in; this compulsion to help a woman out in the guy is as strong as it is in me if I saw someone weaker than me struggling to lift something heavy, and he sees me currently as female. I don't think it's anything more than common sense from a biological standpoint, although it conflicts very much with our selves and our lives, as the natural "anomalies" we seem to be. Some people don't want to accept that a man is becoming a woman or a woman is becoming a man and perhaps sometimes this is very much because it really is new ground that nature has never broken before in our species... there is no knowing how to feel or how to react to it, no established behaviors to fall back on and no knowing where it goes. We might be a potentially progressive species but a lot of our instincts and reactions to things are still back in the cave-age when they were formed. There's not much other explanation for all the various phobias and suspicions toward fellow humans civilized people still 'develop' at the drop of a hat~
