What's your transition timeline, and where are you on it?
Generally, parents need time to grieve the loss of their conception and expectations of you. That doesn't mean you have to accept being the elephant in the room, or even the elephant not invited to the room as the case may be. You may need to simply not speak to your parents until they come to terms.
It may help if you address the problems before going silent. Tell your mom she will be gaining a happier albeit female version of you. Tell your dad that you need him and his approval just as much as you used to, and that your gender has nothing to do with his parenting. Both of your parents are probably looking for something or someone to blame, tell it like it is, that it isn't anyone's fault that you are who you are. Also, underscore that this is not a phase. Talk to your sister directly if you can, and tell her you need her now more than ever especially with your folks having acceptance issues.
My favorite approach is the very direct and honest one, and when you do so with an open mind and heart, able to listen and patiently say your piece, most people will rise to your level. Stay calm, and try to remember that they feel like someone they cared about has died. It's crazy, but that's the process.
Hugs,
- Katie
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