So after months of consideration, I decided to finally throw in the towel. I realised that transition was a HUGE mistake and it never worked out for me because I'm a hon aka those who don't pass/look like men, despite putting in tons of effort.

Now people have told me that getting ffs can help, but that isn't true. I've yet to see a non-passer become passable after surgery. It just doesn't happen.

So I decided to quit pursuing ffs and transition because it wasn't meant to be for me. So how do I go about this? I already cut my hair and filed for a new name change. Any advice on searching for a doctor for chest reconstruction surgery?
Thank you for any and all help.

I'm sorry you feel things aren't working out for you. While I am not a personal advocate for FFS I know it has helped many women feel better about their appearance, and in many instances has changed their masculine features significantly. But you have to do what you feel is right, just make very sure it is what you really want and not dismay/depression at work. If you have your breasts removed there is no growing them back should you change your mind in a years time. (Now so glad I didn't do it when I detransitioned in 1991). Please discuss this with a therapist and, regarding your HRT, with your endo.

Already done and they think I'm crazy because they don't understand my pain

I agree, please see a therapist.  Give this time.  So you dont pass, its whats inside that counts.  Can you honestly say this is what you want after all this time and willing to go forward with femenization. 

Cut your hair, wear a binder a while, just try to live as a guy again and make sure it is right..  there was a reason you went this far into femenization, and even though passing is our goal, I know you didnt do this for others!  Go androgynous for a while. 

I just was at Wal-Mart, the place I fear most..  I dont pass to save my life, but I try and it makes me feel good to at least be me.. 

so, to be honest, what is the real you?  Is there more to this story than "I dont pass.."  we are here for ya;)  just find someone to talk it out with if you cant here.  Hugs, jamie

Inside doesn't matter to me. Passing matters because if I passed, I wouldn't be feeling the hate people give. For god's sake, I have people throw things at me.

When I decided to detransition in 1991 I truly believed I was unpassable. Yes I had some male features (most notably my height 6'3") but I did in fact pass, I just didn't see it myself. Detransition is a big step, but speaking from experience I know that no one would have been able to talk me out of it once I had made up my mind. Persevering with something that wasn't working for me would have made me miserable to the point of suicide and I needed a circuit breaker. Detransition did that. It didn't change the fact that I knew I saw myself as a woman and wanted to live as one, but it gave me the time and space to explore the options and sort my mind out.

I should add that some people have FFS while they're still presenting as male, that gives them the chance to see if it helps or not.

I'm so sad to hear that people throw things at you, you have legitimate concerns to be afraid for your safety.

If I can ask, how long have you been on HRT and living as female?

Almost 3 years and ft for over 2 years

People throwing things at you, and you have the problem?  Dear, sounds like you are in the wrong place.  Ive had a few bad glares, but nothing yet for me to hurt anyone over.  People have no rightto judge you..  but, I do believe there are bad places to be as transgender, just as there are bad places to be certain minorities.  10 years ago it would be 100x worse, and in 10 years, it will be 100x better.  We have to fight for our place.  If you cannot do it, which is totally understandable, find a location to live, work and enjoy that is safe.. 

Do not detrans for someone else!  Only do it if your heart tells you, or if you dont feel safe..  but dont give up or distort you body so you cannot come back in the future..  you may never forgive yourself.. 

Go as a male for a month.  Pad you belly to look big, so it looks like you have man boobs, go this way for a while until you can find peace..  just dont disfigure yourself..  if bruce jenner can look good as katlyn now, im positive we all have a chance.  Not trying to put her down, but she had real manly features, and looks very femenly now I believe :-)  she did this despite all who mock her. 

This issue will pass, we all have these thoughs at some point I bet..  hugs, jamie

I've lived in trans-friendly areas and still got attacked.
FFS can't five me. I look like the love child of Stephen King and Rainn Wilson

SO, the realisation you wont pass, is more painfull then your emotional state before you started transition?
do you remember how it felt before?

I got no advise for you. Im sorry about that. But i still feel like maybe talking about how not passing feels for you might help.

my guess is passing is so important to you, that not passing makes you un comfortable enough that transition offers no relief? no comfort?

In all honesty i suppose that from a personal stand point, i felt like you do now before? so bothered about looking like i was exspected, and doing what was exspected, and pretending to like and not like what i was exspeted too, this caused me so much pain that in order to cope with my life, i had to go down the lines that what i looked like, and what i acted like, were no longer defined by what others thought of me.

Im mean im sorry for   "projecting" but isnt is possible you want from trying to pass as a male, to trying to pass as a female?

instead of going from presenting as what was exspected, to presenting as you yourself as a person?

I realy am sorry i cant wipe away your tears, hold you in my arms and say if this is what you want, go for it.

but bear in mind, transition should not be done on accout of what others think about you, and its the same for de-transition too.

hugs.

other posts were made after i wrote this.
OK, people throw things at you? are these people that will recognize you even after de transition, if so the hate wont stop from them, the cats out of the bag and it extreamly unlikely they will see you any differently or treat you any differenly?

you may need to move if thats the case. and you might end up in a better placec after. where people arnt so violent towards you? its just a thought but do you think you could bind? untill after you have moved, if you need to, and stay closeted untill you know how people in that area react to transfolk? and if the people are no better there then de-transition if that is still what you want?

Have you gone to a trans friendly makeup artist?  The picture you see of me is totally cosmetic!  I feel like shrek underneath at times.  But I just dont care of others opinion.  Can you honestly live with yourself as a male?  Dear, we did not transition because it was going to be fun or easy...  hugs

I have and makeup can't hide the masculine features like this http://imgur.com/T7mSVoE or http://imgur.com/ZylvUyr and that's a b/a after three years of hrt and it didn't change anything

I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time. If you want to detransition, you should consult with the physician that is prescribing your HRT medicines. It may take a few months before your body is able to start producing testosterone again, and then your body will start to masculinize, but you will probably need surgery if you want your breasts removed. You should also see a therapist during this time, to help you cope with the depression and anxiety that may surface. Hugs and best wishes.

I would suggest you wait a year or two before having your breast removed to make sure you can comfortably live in the male role. You should also receive therapy because the feelings that drove you to move to the female role will return and you need to come to terms with them before doing something you might regret latter.

I posted on your other thread where you were working on your appearance and I still don't understand why your image failed. Do you have friends or somebody who could see the whole you and tell you what is wrong? You might also ask your therapist about what you are doing wrong. If you were in the neighborhood, I would be willing to do that but I suspect you are located far away from me.

It is possible that the problem isn't your image but word of mouth. Once your history is known in an area, it will stay with you forever.

Please consider this carefully and leave as many doors open as possible so you can return to the female role if you find the male role is still as uncomfortable for you as it was before.

Quote from: kittenpower on August 20, 2015, 10:01:00 PM
I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time. If you want to detransition, you should consult with the physician that is prescribing your HRT medicines. It may take a few months before your body is able to start producing testosterone again, and then your body will start to masculinize, but you will probably need surgery if you want your breasts removed. You should also see a therapist during this time, to help you cope with the depression and anxiety that may surface. Hugs and best wishes.

Did that and my doctor and therapist think I'm insane to make this irrational statement.
Also I think my body is still masculine as is considering I had no fat shift except that hrt gave me a beer belly.

Quote from: Dena on August 20, 2015, 10:36:12 PM
I posted on your other thread where you were working on your appearance and I still don't understand why your image failed. Do you have friends or somebody who could see the whole you and tell you what is wrong? You might also ask your therapist about what you are doing wrong. If you were in the neighborhood, I would be willing to do that but I suspect you are located far away from me.

I have spoke to friends and they all tell me that I'm too masculine looking to look female.

i seen your pic and with a little help on the make up and thinning your eyebrows you pass just fine. i know some gg's who could pass for male but are accepted as gg's,you look like one of those gals,so own it. remember gg's come in different packages and not all are raving beauties,you throwing in the towel because of other people actually gives them power over you..transitioning is not for everyone,i pass without any ff surgery but am not going to go on hrt for personal reasons. i wish you the best in whatever decision you make.

Quote from: cheryl reeves on August 21, 2015, 12:26:30 PM
i seen your pic and with a little help on the make up and thinning your eyebrows you pass just fine. i know some gg's who could pass for male but are accepted as gg's,you look like one of those gals,so own it. remember gg's come in different packages and not all are raving beauties,you throwing in the towel because of other people actually gives them power over you..transitioning is not for everyone,i pass without any ff surgery but am not going to go on hrt for personal reasons. i wish you the best in whatever decision you make.

Sorry, but I rather die than look like a masculine female.

I think you look really cute and fem, I think this is a typical case of you can't see how good you really look. The women on here have given some great advice so please think it over. Many trans people detransition and then transition again years later, do you really want to go through with that.

Keep the hair long, get your eyebrows done and smile.  You are totally fem. 
Also, eyeliner and mascara.  Get your eyes to work for you. 
and yes, again I say smile hon.  You are fine.  If you want to detransition, then it shouldn't be because you can't pass.