I went to see my therapist for the first time tonight. She is great and has a really good solid understanding of trans issues and how we fit in society. She and I discussed a number of the issues I face and identified that currently in order to progress I need for my wife to understand that I need to transition if I am ever to get any lasting peace. My therapist understands why this is a sticking point and feels we need to progress this and that I need to be able to start expressing myself even if only in small ways without the restriction of "not when I am around"  We talked about my life and the way I experience my Dysphoria. She is of the opinion that I do indeed experience classic symptoms Gender Dysphoria as she has experienced it before. Because she is not a medical Dr she cannot give a diagnosis which is why she put it that way. Her focus is to help facilitate my wishes or to help work out what those wishes are.

I couldn't be happier after the ups and downs of the last week. I feel I am in good caring hands. I really feel like I am "on my way"....finally

Happily for once

Sarah T

Yay... So happy for you Sarah xxx

Certainly seems a step in the right direction and a good one.

Thanks for such an uplifting post.

Katy xx

Quote from: sarahtokes on August 20, 2015, 04:41:36 AM
I went to see my therapist for the first time tonight. She is great and has a really good solid understanding of trans issues and how we fit in society. She and I discussed a number of the issues I face and identified that currently in order to progress I need for my wife to understand that I need to transition if I am ever to get any lasting peace. My therapist understands why this is a sticking point and feels we need to progress this and that I need to be able to start expressing myself even if only in small ways without the restriction of "not when I am around" 

Hi Sarah,

Sounds like you had a great session.  It's nice to find a therapist who really understands.

My wife is pretty much the  "not when I am around" type.  I'm curious to know how your wife reacts when you start showing a bit more of your feminine side. 

Good luck. So happy for you,
Paige

Congratulations 


hugs

Thanks Katrina for your kind words it is a step in the right direction.

Paige what was even more interesting is when I wrote that post I hadn't spoken to her about the session. Once I told her about the session and produced "the hand book of Transsexuality" (therapist had given it to me) I guess the cat was out of the bag. I explained to her what the therapist had said about the Dysphoria and this prompted an almost about face in her attitude. We talked very honestly with each other about what this will mean to her to me and to the Kids. She also understood that I was not going to progress this until I had her on the same page as me and I explained  why I saw that as important. We talked more about her and support for her and My therapist has indicated she would like to do a couple of sessions with my wife which I think it a great idea. My wife is even agreeable to this and thinks she will find it very useful. She once again told me she loved me and "till death do us part" actually means that to her no matter what. I promised I would take things slowly and floated the idea of coming out to one of the kids so she had someone to talk to. She wants to have a family meeting and tell them both and let the cards fall where they may. She wants to keep the lines of communication open with them and set up a situation where there are no "secrets" from one sibling to the next. She thinks it will help her as well because she can talk with them about it.

It seems having the therapist confirm what I already told her has made the difference. She has now got her head around the Dysphoria and she said she thought the girls would be fine because it would probably "explain a few things" in regards my moods and behaviours and admitted she has to work on the acceptance but she certainly understands it now and it also explains a fair bit in her eyes. 

So where to from here...baby steps, nail polish, hair removal, underwear, grow my hair out, earrings...that kind of thing...I can't believe this is happening for real. I am half expecting to wake up any second.  In all the years of my life I never ever expected that I would ever get to become that person I always wanted to be, despite wishing it every day of my life till I was in my mid 30's. Here I sit on the brink of transition with everything having suddenly fallen neatly into place...now that is scary because those things don't happen to me. I am very grateful to have the opportunity...maybe I needed to have the support of my family around me before my time was right to start. It still feels quite odd to have the roadblocks suddenly gone...or at least pushed out of the way for the moment. It feels a little dreamlike and I haven't quite wrapped my head around it. I am sure my first visit to the mirror will remind me what it is all about.

We(me and my family) have such a long way to go yet and many issues yet to deal with but I feel we are on solid ground and think we just may make it. Time and progress will tell.

Sarah T

Wow Sarah, that's absolutely amazing.  Congratulations.  I must admit I'm a little jealous but very glad it's working out for you.

Paige

it sounds like you had a very good day. I suspect there will be problems ahead but coming out to the entire family means that when they accept it you will find it pretty easy to move forward at a reasonable pace. I am waiting to hear more on how the family meeting goes.

Sarah,

That is so great! Congratulations.

It sounds like your wife has responded similarly to how mine has. I think I have taken the steps a little slowly and am getting a little antzy. However, the honesty of communication and support has been great.

Perhaps it is time for things like this to happen to you. It won't always but maybe a little more?

With warmth,

Joanna

That's wonderful that everything is falling into place how you'd like it to! It does seem like a faraway goal, transitioning, doesn't it? But when you get to it it must feel like "Wow, I came a long way to achieve this," right?
Congrats on getting started and I hope everything works out with your wife and family! Good luck on your future endeavours!

Thankyou all for the kind words and encouragement. Today I am a little shell shocked as I expected it to take quite a bit more time for my wife to get to this point. I know it won't be that easy and always fall into place for me and we have a long road a head of us as a family. I have faith in my Girls they are 22 and 25 years old and both fairly liberal minded although it is difficult when it is no longer an abstract concept but you are living with it. I said to my wife if the girls think you are ok then they will be ok with it as long as they don't think we are going to get a divorce. She kind of agrees but time will tell.

Part of the reason for being shell shocked is that transition seemed so out of reach for so many years and now suddenly the opportunity is in front of me and it scares me to death...but in a good way, if that is possible.

 Sara
Congratulations!! I came out to my family this summer also and I understand the shell shock feel. Great way to describe it.

My three daughters are in their 20s and it was a shock when I told them even though there were a lot of signs. It took a few weeks. For things to level off but nothing too bad. Just a lot of confusion.

I have to still be more open with the family and take your lead. Thank you for posting. The more I read about others the more I learn.

Good luck going forward
Melanie.


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Quote from: sarahtokes on August 21, 2015, 01:31:18 AM
Part of the reason for being shell shocked is that transition seemed so out of reach for so many years and now suddenly the opportunity is in front of me and it scares me to death...but in a good way, if that is possible.

Proceed at your own pace because this can be overwhelming and has scared people enough that they stop the transition. If you start to feel like the transition is to much, talk with your therapist or with us to clear your head of the fears you have. You need to become comfortable with the transition so you can make the required decisions without pressure.

Quote from: sarahtokes on August 20, 2015, 04:44:42 PM
I explained to her what the therapist had said about the Dysphoria and this prompted an almost about face in her attitude.

Hi Sarah,

Just curious, what exactly did the therapist say about dysphoria that changed her mind?

Thanks,
Paige

Paige, I am not sure what exactly it was. I had said to her that I thought that what I described was Dysphoria. She is a nurse by profession and works in the theatre. She is a problem solver by nature. So I told her that the Therapist had said that in her experience I displayed classic Dysphoria Symptoms however she could not give a Diagnosis as such. She is quite pragmatic so hearing this confirmed for her that this was now a serious issue. Maybe is because a qualified person has given an opinion based on knowledge so that is enough for my wife. We now have a name for the "issue" and so we can now focus on "Fixing" it.

I took a fair amount of time explain to her what it would mean if I have Dysphoria and what the options are. She was of the opinion at the time that there was no point in worry about that side of things until we know for sure what the issue is. So now that we have that then she is all for treatment.

It is the nurse in her, identify the issues, treat the issues, everyone happy...I think maybe part of the problem is that we talk in intangible concepts like "I feel this way" or I have always "thought this" but by someone else also agreeing with me is seems to have cemented in her mind that this is real and will not go away...this is my best guess as to why the turn around. She would be the first to say while she understands in a logical, Head level way, she still has not been able to accept it at a gut level...which is understandable. So I guess maybe its because she let her head rule over her heart.                 

Quote from: sarahtokes on August 21, 2015, 04:59:52 PM
Paige, I am not sure what exactly it was. I had said to her that I thought that what I described was Dysphoria. She is a nurse by profession and works in the theatre. She is a problem solver by nature. So I told her that the Therapist had said that in her experience I displayed classic Dysphoria Symptoms however she could not give a Diagnosis as such. She is quite pragmatic so hearing this confirmed for her that this was now a serious issue. Maybe is because a qualified person has given an opinion based on knowledge so that is enough for my wife. We now have a name for the "issue" and so we can now focus on "Fixing" it.

I took a fair amount of time explain to her what it would mean if I have Dysphoria and what the options are. She was of the opinion at the time that there was no point in worry about that side of things until we know for sure what the issue is. So now that we have that then she is all for treatment.

It is the nurse in her, identify the issues, treat the issues, everyone happy...I think maybe part of the problem is that we talk in intangible concepts like "I feel this way" or I have always "thought this" but by someone else also agreeing with me is seems to have cemented in her mind that this is real and will not go away...this is my best guess as to why the turn around. She would be the first to say while she understands in a logical, Head level way, she still has not been able to accept it at a gut level...which is understandable. So I guess maybe its because she let her head rule over her heart.               

I wish this would work for me but I doubt it.  My wife knows that both a psychologist and a psychotherapist have said that I'm transgender and suffer from gender dysphoria.  It didn't really convince her that we should change are approach to the situation.  I think basically she's in denial.

Thanks for the answer Sarah, 
Paige

Sarah,

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, I'm about to make my first appointment with a counselor and I hope with all my soul all goes as well as yours did.  Know inside who you are and having another person acknowledge it is so huge.  Family support is like the icing on the cake and really helps.  I have a sister, we have always been like twins knowing what the other was thinking and stuff like that it makes everyone crazy around us but I shared my intent to go to the counselor and what for and she completely supported me and strangely she already knew.  I was so relieved to have family who accepted my choice.

I'm super happy for you that things went so well...enjoy your journey..Hugs

I too am going through the steps. I started therapy, which was a hard first step but it was a great big weight off my shoulders, but I have included my wife from day one in the therapy which has been a blessing to me and her, it made it real easy to talk about and have fun with, I mean we can go shopping and stuff like that for clothes etc, I told my oldest daughter she excepted it and is on board with me too.  And now my therapist has found  a DR for HRT and has recommend and now I got get a general doctor to refer me to the endocrinologist. But I can say after I let go of the secret life has became a little easier, but I have found you will lose friends and some family in this journey, and that is hard step to take but you got to stay focus on you this your life and you don't change who you are has a person but people cant except the visual change. so I just have realized its there loss not mine. because I have lived 40+ years unhappy and in shame not anymore. so  keep pushing forward and take your time, got awesome support here on the site

Hi inenidok

Glad you are making progress and have a supporting wife and family...sounds like you are making rapid progress...I am taking things a bit slower as I have found that some people are not as "on board" as they said they were but are coming along slowly which is better than not coming along at all...good luck

Sarah T

well I wanted to go slow as well but I am moving with the flow like going down  river in a raft LOL. but I found that  once I made the first step took the leap it has moved much easier things move steady. it will happen just stay on track and focus I was worried about the kids but it was not a big deal as I thought it was I found that this younger gen is more accepting then my gen or older

oh by the way  my therapist said that me and my wife has such a great way of communicating that she was shocked because we talk about everything and we talk about how we feel and we go out weekly just us to eat and talk. so I really feel being open honest and talking to each other is a big key