Wow!

I got slammed by a week long bout of dysphoria. It came from nowhere.

It gave me some perspective. To think, that is how I used to feel all the time.

It does suck to realize hormones have not totally cured me like I thought they had... the feeling of dysphoria was so instantly familiar, but so was the feeling of it lifting.

Just remember: It is ok to ask for help. Reach out. Talk to people when you are in a place like that.

Happy to hear you're through it now and I really hope this time it stays banished for a long while (forever would be good!)

What do you think triggered it? I find it is so strange. One day I feel fine and really positive that everything will work out. The next day I'm completely caught in a landslide. It's wretched. Just noticing something in the mirror can set it off.

One day my shoulders look normal, the next day they look huge. I can see a photo of myself and at first I might look like a woman, but 24 hours later it just looks like a man in a dress.

I wish I could work out what is affecting my perceptions so much. I almost feel like I've lost touch with reality.

I felt trapped in a place I hate where I have to hide... and I drank too much (something I usually know better than to do).

Trigger pulled.

A week of terrifying dysphoria followed.

Thank God I recognized it for what it was and reached out for help.

I've been somewhat fortunate. My dysphoria gets really bad when I cannot (or perceive that I cannot) transition. I've been lucky enough to get help of my family but there was a point last year where I looked at myself and the dysphoria was worse than ever, despite having forced out about 18 months prior due to extreme dysphoria. But a lot was going on in my life as far as my finances went, I went into debt (school only) for the first time in my life, my job wasn't paying much, and I had 2 healthcare plans that covered nothing and next to nothing for transpeople. Luckily at that point I decided to pull the trigger and bank some sperm so that I could finally pop the bottle of my pills which had been sitting on my dresser for months.

That was the severe stuff. Since starting hormones, It's been nothing or the extremely light stuff triggered by sometimes feeling that every second till I become female is wasted time, the lasers working a little too slowly for my liking, and the same with the hormones as well.

Yeah!

That is pretty much my experience too, until last week. I thought I was immune to feeling that way. I guess I was wrong.

At least it lifted after several days.

I think dysphoria pops up from time to time with most people, it certainly does for me.  I had a therapist that gave me a different perspective that I try to hold onto. She told me to try not to view transitioning or HRT as "the cure". Bouts of dysphoria will come and go, but the path you are taking will keep it in check 90-95% of the time which is a dramatic improvement over what it was like before.

Great post!