Hiya jayne, when your trans i think you do know that there is something not right when your little, i asked my mom things regarding my past and she told me when i was about  3 yrs old in nursery. When it was time to play dress up i would always go towards the female outfits, and because i did this regular my parents had to go up there for a chat.. then throughout the years till i was 16 i used to dress in my mothers clothes and play with my sisters dolls. When i hit pubity i suffered with suffear depression. The way my body was changing made me feel really uncomfortable. And fitting into other crouds was hard for me to do. I was so isolated as child, my mom then took me to the doctors regarding this and that is when i realised who i was.. I miss took me being transgendered as depression..
Now im 30 yrs old and i have fully transitioned and im so happy with life now. Comfortable with who i am. Completely relaxed. And happy that i can call myself a woman..
I hope this little insight into my life has helped you jayne and i hope you find the answers your searching for. .

Lea xXx

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Hi Cindy and Lea. Thank you so much for your replies.

Cindy, what your doctor said about he can change your body to match your brain, but can't change your brain to match your body is a simple way of putting it, but it makes sense. I suppose the brain is a very complicated thing.

Lea, I don't seem to remember a great deal about my childhood. However, over the past few weeks, my brain has been working overtime. I am thinking about who or what I am every single second of the day. Things have slowly been coming back to me from my childhood that I thought I had long forgotten. Little memories here and there that I don't know if are significant, but they randomly pop into my head.

I really can't wait to meet with a gender therapist. I feel like I am barely hanging on to my sanity. Every day is becoming a bigger struggle.

Jayne

Quote from: Jayne01 on August 23, 2015, 01:55:56 AM
Hi and thanks for all your comments.

I have another question. From everything I am learning, gender is something that is determined before birth. Wouldn't that mean that you would know something wasn't quite right as a very young child? I know some trans do know as a very young child, but there seem to be so many who don't quite figure it out until much later in their adult lives. Is it because we are brought up as our biological gender and we just get confused and can't identify what the problem is? Or if you sit closer to the middle of the male/female spectrum the brain/body mismatch isn't so great?

I just can't work out why I am 43 and only now just starting to accept the possibility that I might be transgender. That also upsets me a little because I think I have wasted my life as the wrong person.

Jayne

There are a few reasons to this.
One is that often transgender people are sensitive and unconsciously read others expectations. So they learned from childhood on to adapt to others.

Few had accepting people who would help them. It was simply not the time. Only few people would accept.
Instad they adapted.

Quite a few people later even overdid gender roles until they found its not them.

Additionally from a certain age on testosterone production decreases, which helps making for a more balanced personality.
Imo a more testosterone driven person is more active, simply trying to run away from it. A more stable person is able to see all tendencies.
Which can lead to more integration and stability instead of cycles of avoidance and breakthroughs.

Look at what has changed the last few years.
It were completely different times then. Acceptance was different, sentiment was different, and info was much harder to come by.

Imo its best to look forward, and use what is here now.

There is no need for regrets or whatever. Best to let it all go. Maybe making a list with wishes... and trying step by step to go in that direction.


hugs

Hi Laura. Thank you for your comment. I just read your post twice. I can relate to just about everything you said. I'm sure I just adapt like you said. The world is certainly more accepting of different people than 5 or 10 years ago. There is still a long way to go. It would be nice to live in a world where websites such as this are not needed because being trans is considered a normal thing.

I don't really have any regrets. If I think too much (I do tend to overthink everything), then I eventually get myself into a really down mood. If I was born in a female body and was raised as a girl and just lived a normal girl's life, I would probably never had met my wife and wouldn't be the person I am. So no regrets. Some days are just really hard to cope.

Everyday I seem to reluctantly be accepting I am female inside (at least to some degree). I can feel the male me slowly drifting away. It is really scary. I'm worried that I might lose the person I am. That might not make any sense. I don't know how to put it into words.

I don't want to spend any more of my life adapting to fit in. I really need to find out who I am so I can live my life as me. I just wish I knew who this "me" is!!!

I have a wonderful wife who loves the person inside (her words). I don't know how much of a transition she will be able to handle, but neither do I. Not something I am even considering at the moment. I certainly don't have any regrets. I could probably even consider myself lucky. I know what it is like to live in a man's world and I have an idea (at least in my own head) what it feels like to be a woman. I just need to somehow take the best of both and find a way for that to be a "me" that I am happy with.

Jayne

You could try some easy reversible steps... like changes to hair and clothing styles...
second hand shops could be a good source...

you could look for a good gender therapist to help you along...
if they are not helpful look for another.

Some might accept your insurance and communicate online:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,162888.msg1400316.html#msg1400316

And there are online therapists:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,187135.0.html


You might aks:
- how they see their role
- how much experience they have with tg people
- how long usually until a letter for hrt


hugs

Hi Laura.

There does not seem to be much in the way of help where I am. (Sydney, Australia). There are a few gender therapists that some others on here have suggested. I am currently on a waiting list to see a gender therapist. I am told she is very good, so I'm trying to be patient. In the meantime I am seeing another therapist, but he has no experience with trans issues. It's more of a temporary help until I get an appointment with the gender therapist. I really cannot wait to get that appointment. I want to get myself on the getting better path.

Jayne

Quote from: Jayne01 on August 24, 2015, 01:31:05 AM
Hi Laura.

There does not seem to be much in the way of help where I am. (Sydney, Australia). There are a few gender therapists that some others on here have suggested. I am currently on a waiting list to see a gender therapist. I am told she is very good, so I'm trying to be patient. In the meantime I am seeing another therapist, but he has no experience with trans issues. It's more of a temporary help until I get an appointment with the gender therapist. I really cannot wait to get that appointment. I want to get myself on the getting better path.

Jayne

Well you're on the way to get there 


hugs