This is mostly a question that is directed towards those who are trans but felt like they could survive (or even thrive) with the sex they were assigned at birth. Up until this point, I've (mostly) felt like I can survive and thrive in life as a male. However, I do feel like I'm starting to get to a point where I'm not sure if I can pass up the opportunity to live as my true self, female, much longer.

What was it for you that pushed you towards transition? Was it a gradual progression and evolution of your thinking? Was it a single event that made you realize you had to go through with transition?

For me it's been a wide myriad of things that are pushing me this direction such as finding some things such as my job, despite being successful, not being as fulfilling as I'd hope. Also as I get older (I'm only 26), I keep having a harder and harder time imagining myself as a man at a an older age. I'd love to experience life as a younger woman and one of my greatest regrets is not transitioning in college. I don't want my next greatest regret to be not doing so by 30.

My 30th birthday was a big one for me. I started dressing again after a decade of not. I also share your fear of growing into an old man and dying as a man, laying there for eternity in one of my hated suits. I'm 33 now with a child and a 2nd one coming and I'm on the verge of tossing it all aside to be my true self. Gender consumes95% of my thoughts on a daily basis. I've had thoughts of self harm along the way. I came dangerously close to admitting to my wife my desire to transition last night and she's made it clear that she's gone if I ever say that. Right now I'm living by every closet trans persons' motto "Now's not a good time to transition."

When I was younger I didn't really mind growing up as a male, until about 12, when I realized I didn't fully understand what growing up male meant. It got to the point where I decided I was gay, in mississippi that's kind of a big deal... so four years of bullying later I decided I'd just play by society. Started lifting, dating girls (never dated anyone prior to) bring extremely masculine. From 16 I decided I'd join the military. Started cutting my hair... after enlisting I kept up the act for a while. But now I went to therapy for two months and I got kinda comfortable with the fact that I am trans, and I want to be the real me ^^. So my tipping point would be that I enlisted and realized that this IS a hypermasculine setting and I am just not meant for it.

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk

It was basically when I was able to articulate the the idea that I'm transgender to myself. Once I had the language to do that, transition was not optional for me.

My tipping point didn't come till I was in my late 20's and came after having two beautiful boys ( I'm FTM ) it was after I was in a 6 year abusive relationship when I found my true self after struggling my whole teen and child years knowing I was not in the right body and that I could no longer hid how I truly felt inside anymore. I hated the fact that I was who I was on the outside but on the inside I knew I should of been born a man I actually resented my mother for making me female for a period of time but me and my mom are still really close she is my biggest supporter at the moment, now I know I can no longer live a woman I need to do what will truly make me happy inside and out and become the man I am on the inside.

I grew up in the late 60-70's and there wasn't even a word for it except "Queers" and there was no way you want to be one of them. I knew when I was 4 or 5 and also realised about the same time that I was a boy and was expected to behave in such a way. By the time I was 19 I was sure I needed to transition and went to a therapist for help but this ended very badly. At one stage I found information about cross dressers and thought I must be one of them...So I cross dressed no relief just made things worse...I found that odd at the time but decided that it was just my lot in life. As I have grown older the conflict has begun to tear me apart. About 2 years ago I had a natural drop in testosterone to that of a cis-female and I didn't go to the Dr for nearly a year after I suspected my testosterone was low...why...because for the first time in my life I actually felt really well and happy. Starting to feel this way triggered me to investigate why and what had changed which is when I discovered the low testosterone. Off to he Dr because I didn't think it was particularly healthy despite being delighted with the results.

During this time I began to look a bit more closely at my cross dressing and the why I had these other things happening to me and not to other people like a constant dialogue in my head, constantly wanting to be the other sex, constantly fighting the ever growing desire to live my life as I really felt. This was tainted by all sorts of fears and denial. After seeing the Dr he game me a T shot to have and I initially felt better for the first 12 or so hrs and then it was like someone turned the dial up on my Dysphoria to full blast and the next 2 months were hell. I was moody, aggressive, sarcastic, angry constantly, depressed and just plain bad to live with. I discovered one of the myths I held onto, that I used to prevent myself from accepting who I am, crumbled in front of me one night as I read new information which set off a domino effect and all my unfounded prejudices, misgivings, desires and false information began to melt away, only the truth was left.

Tomorrow I start day one of what I consider my second attempt to transition and it will be my last. I won't get another shot at this.

Sarah T   

This is an interesting discussion. Basically I have had a number of tipping points in my life. I have always known I was Transgender from an age of about 6, although I didn't understand the term until I was in my late teens, but I have always had major dysphoria episodes which until I went onto HRT , I was unable to control, when I have had major crises in my life. To counter the periods between the crises that I have had in my life I have used first the Army & then the Police as typical macho manly things to bury my feelings, then my IT and Business career to keep my mind totally involved. Many times in annual evaluations - I have been described as a workaholic and with enormous drive like a man possessed.  So when I have had major crises in my life. My wife having an affair and leaving me because of my dysphoria and blurting out that I was TS or losing jobs through economic downturns, I have had major dysphoric breakouts and had the tipping points. I have had two major such points in my life and many other smaller ones. Both the first and the second have cajoled me into action to begin HRT. I only stopped HRT the first time after living for nearly two years full time as a woman with most people describing me as incredibly a 100% more relaxed different person, when I was outed at work and lost my job as a woman with the impending loss of my home and so de-transitioned. This coincided me being offered an amazing Expat job  back in my previous profession. Although truthfully I was happiest as a Legal Secretary and Housewife (until losing that job)

I think I had a perfect sh*tstorm in October/November 2012.  I lost 90 pounds in 2011-12 due to a serious illness, then put on a lot of muscle working construction in my house over the summer.  I was in the best shape of my life and finally healthy again, yet I was miserable beyond belief.  I looked pretty good objectively, but my hair was falling out like crazy and the dysphoria was off the chart.  One day my wife put "guyliner" on me to make me extra sexy, but I looked in the mirror and I saw a woman- a sad, sad woman.   I knew that I had to do something ASAP.

Then I started drinking insane amounts of vodka instead of seeking professional help.   

The second time that I woke up in the hospital, the surgeon on duty was actually knowledgeable about trans issues and pointed me in the right direction. 

I never had anything related to genital dysphoria. Perhaps it's because of my fatalistic attitude about life. Sure, I wished I didn't have the dangly bits, but now what? You work with what you got. Up to an including wild monkey sex. The dangly bits and I have had some great times together with company over. As you can imagine, that had absolutely nothing with my tipping point

Mine came when my life once again turned into a total disaster. Oh, it happened a few times before, but this time it could not have been worse with me actually living through it. I lost my job at the peak of my career, VP of Engineering. I did manage to land an engineering gig. At least that is what the military industrial complex said it was. IMO, I was a glorified admin, able to do the job with most of my brain tied behind my back. Not exactly what a super hero engineer is used to. Add in it was 350 miles from home, the height of the housing crash/depression, a semi invalid depressed wife, a long distance marriage, and complete isolation and culture shock as I moved from 5 miles to mid town Manhattan, to rural West Virginia.

In other words I had to much quality time alone with myself and my thoughts. No more 3D's, as I came to call them. Diversions, Distractions, and Denial. Nope, every aspect of my life that relied upon "to get by", was gone. Given the choice between eating the barrel of my favorite gun or doing something about how I was NOT handling being trans.

Quote from: KatelynBG on August 22, 2015, 04:15:50 PM
My 30th birthday was a big one for me. I started dressing again after a decade of not. I also share your fear of growing into an old man and dying as a man, laying there for eternity in one of my hated suits. I'm 33 now with a child and a 2nd one coming and I'm on the verge of tossing it all aside to be my true self. Gender consumes95% of my thoughts on a daily basis. I've had thoughts of self harm along the way. I came dangerously close to admitting to my wife my desire to transition last night and she's made it clear that she's gone if I ever say that. Right now I'm living by every closet trans persons' motto "Now's not a good time to transition."

Katelyn, I think I terribly fear getting to where you are in life, having a few kids and being consumed with my gender. I'm sorry you are there now and really hope the best for you as you navigate some choppy waters. No matter your struggles with identity or what people think of you, you have intrinsic worth as a human being and I hope you can hold on to that as make some difficult decisions.

On another note, the motto describes my life over the past 10 years as well. But now I'm starting to worry that now might be the best time there will ever be. My wife will be devastated, yes. But at least there is time for us to heal and at least we wouldn't have to explain anything to our kids.

Audrey, I am 26 and I agree with you. I was going to wait till my son was 18 (me 41) but I couldnt.  both my kids are young and will grow up with this and have all the time in the world to adjust.  :0)

I was an awesome alpha male, very successful in business, a world class athlete (represented my country in the World Championships), a total playboy with 3 marriages, a family man with 4 children.  It was all an act and I was good at it. I kept myself totally occupied and pushed away the urge as perversion except for each nigh i would be a female. Then the financial crash of 2008 hit and I slowed down and found myself with free time to think. That's when I accepted who who I am and began this journey.  Its been a journey of truth and discovering my inner soul.

I simply could not keep going back to the GP with my continuing bouts of depression and not say what the real cause was.

I was already booked in to see my GP for a regular check up (blood pressure, depression) I woke up with yet another empty whisky bottle on the bed and yet another hangover.

I toyed with idea of walking in front of a train, instead I got to the Doctor, he did his tests and then said 'what's up? your earrings get larger every time you see me and you are so sad'. I blurted out that I am a woman and I live in Hell of being seen as male. He wrote a referral on the spot and said, don't post this, hand deliver it.

Next time I saw him I was wearing skin tight cycling lycra, my boobs proudly standing out, he just said 'nice rack' blushed, we both laughed and for the first time in 15 years my BP was normal.

He saved my life.

I was 31, I'd grown up in the 60s and 70s and sex change was the stuff seen in seedy newspapers in the UK. I had become a caricature of a man, a hard drinking, pot smoking,speed taking, pool shooting, girl chasing (and boy chasing),muscle car driving, badass biker. 10 years previously I had realised I was transexual and had tried to blot it out with dope and booze unsuccessfully. I was heading for a coffin, not by suicide but by accident as I was off my face most of the time, I fell asleep in the bath many times, once knocking a radio into it seconds after I got out and twice fell down stairs through a glass door and was lucky to walk away with minor cuts and bruises. I also set the cooker alight making food while wrecked. The thought of dying didn't scare me but dying an old man having lived an unhappy, unfulfilled life did.I also had a bad eating disorder and dropped to 154 pound, my hair had started to thin (it came back after about 18 months HRT).
I realised this wasn't going away and cut back on my drinking, quit dope and sought help.

JoanneB;
I so love your 3Ds. This describes my life so well:  Diversions, Distractions, and Denial.

I did it when I realized I had nothing left to lose.  I had no homme no money, and nobody loved me.  I never stood a chance pleasing other people, so I decided to do what I really wanted to

Finding out that HRT exists and what it can do... watching countless Youtube videos about MtF HRT timelines and realising that cure of transsexualism was not simply chopping of some parts and pumping up others + spending hundreds of thousands on plastic surgeries...  When at 15 I decided to try to "man up" and supress all those feelings, surviving the next two decades was only possible because I believed that it's too late (unless they chop up You in Your early teens).

My depression got worse and worse until my father, who I came out to in '93 and was NOT happy about it, pushed me to talk about it.  I guess he figured I'd been miserable long enough and if I really did have gender issues, I should face them.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

I'd never really faced up to the fact that I was a girl. I'd always considered myself  just a little strange  But I liked it. It was my way of dealing with the world. I was one step removed from all the sh*t around me. And I simply lived my life and all was ok.
It was not until I sort help for a childhood trauma that; during one of my sessions , I simply stopped mid-sentence and looked at the floor. It was the weirdest thing like time had stopped and all I could hear was my heart beat.
I started to cry and finally gave in to my true feeling.  I can laugh about it now but at the time I was afraid I would never stop crying !
I'm much happier now and I have found that people just accept my as a women which is just beautiful.

Paula, <3 X.

Ps. If this is spelt wrong don't go all weird on me, lol I'm Dyslexic. Which is *ucking hard to spell