I first want to thank everyone in this place that comments. You helpes me a lot. Here's the thing, I know I got dysporia of some type. When I live as male (due to job or job hunt) I don't like it and can't wait to go home to peel off my male clothes to my female ones. Even tho I always wear the same jeans (they are quite neutral) the top, the hair, the make up... The being able to pee while sitting down at home (cause male public bathrooms are not that nice for a bare bum) is quite literally 2nd nature. I'm not over stating I'm serious I put little thought about doing and I so it and love it. The small things.. I can feel connected to myself. In fact in female mood I have become so comfortable life is overall carefree..... Until I question myself... Is this really me? You haven't tried hard enough to be a man, since you didn't demand to wear dresses at 5 this isn't real... I hear and feel that. And it hurt. As i told others wanting to be a girl has came and gone throughout my life as I was younger... Then at 13 has been present in some form.. And especially a couple years after 13 when testosterone really shot through me. I am trying to change our life habbits... Eat better, think positive,  mediation, ect.. Sometimes I question if this is right for me... Yet I know how much being a male I hate... Well, strongly uncomfortable. All I can say is thank goodness for testosterone supressants. Any opinions as to what I should do? Anyone else felt this very way?

Also... I hate looking like a sour whiner (which I tend to do a bit.. Sorry) but whenever I hear of someone who transitions younger then me I get a jealous feeling. Is that normal to? I don't mean to be but I feel like that at times

YES.

I was always holding back, why? because there was always some element of manyness i hadnt exsperienced and always though that i didnt know for sure untill I exsperienced them.

I would regulerlay purge all my femninity, why? Its not right, Im suposed to be a man, Im supposed to be like this.

All that told me was, no matter how hard I tried/denied I still felt the same if not worse for it.

Also, I DRESSED AT HOME, and I couldnt wait to get home either, As soon as I got home, it was bedroom, clothes off, clothes on, smile

But that said, no need to go forwards if you dont need to, DO you need to? That is up to you

Quote from: chloeD33 on August 30, 2015, 09:12:15 PM
Also... I hate looking like a sour whiner (which I tend to do a bit.. Sorry) but whenever I hear of someone who transitions younger then me I get a jealous feeling. Is that normal to? I don't mean to be but I feel like that at times

ABSOLOUTLY,

one of the things that kept holding me back was, allready exsisting femininity, I would look at my face and see femininity and smile at it, it was anough to help me hold on that much longer, but over time, I saw my bodies femininity slowly disapearing.

And now with very little of it left, when I see stories of younger transitioner, A part of me does get envy. I wish I did it sooner, I wouldnt have this bear belly. My stomack used to make my sister jelouse, of cours they mocked me for it. But oh I wish I still had, I wiould feel uncomfy showing some midrift of otherwise.

Thanks for the clarity girl! But I do think I need too... I get super depressed when I live as a male for even a short period of time.... Like end the pain depressed. I do see a new gender counselor over a week from now since I moved... But as anyone with GD knows two cisgenser weeks feels like two months with dysporia

Hi -

You didn't start too late in life.  You started when it was time. Some like me didn't start until 50-60+ (e.g. Caitlyn J).  Do I wish I had started earlier, yes and understand I didn't because I wasn't ready.  No use beating myself up for that.

Have you thought about seeking a job as a female - I know there's complications but it might help sort things out and get you on track employment-wise. If you have a gender center near you, then they'll likely have job referrals.  If you are a professional, then consider a recruiter.  How about professional head hunter; there some that are in the LGBT community.  Get a job and transition there . . . and . . . and . . .

Hope some of this makes sense.   

Take care,

R

I will try looking at that. I do got a job interview tomorrow at a make up shop ! Still, I just wish I was born a girl to begin with. These feelings wouldn't exist if I was.

well I really cant help you, but I can only say I have the same problem.
There is this absolute confusion on my head ... am I just dreaming? Am I going to be able to live on soon, as there would never have been toughts about being trans? Sometimes I think so, I think im just mentally bad and how people here would call it: underhumanic, sick, retarded and so on. I could be the man I was before, mentally and physically, going to gym the whole life and concentrating on being angry.
or...
am I on the right way? Am I recognizing and solving now, what I wanted my whole life, what I always wished in my childhood? I never had contact to female things, always to our rough and angry mans worlds so I dont know if I am just thinking wrong about my childhood wishes... but I know there has been something .. so what to do?
A question no one can really answer for some time, but I hope clearness will get in, or I will start getting really depressed about this Trans-Thing so I will have to do it, to go on. Otherwise, I would be what I am now, a soft more female than male mind in a angry guys body. I guess it doesnt help you, but at least your not alone :/

Does help knowing I am not alone. It actually kinda does help. Thanks!

The thing that makes it bad is some in my family question nif I'm true trans because they never saw anything that would indicate I wanted to be a girl when I was 5.... This hurts. Not going to lie sometimes I just want to end it all

Trust that you know who you really are. It's the one thing I keep coming back to.

Sorry for the repeat post but I have no specific memory of differences between boys and girls until I was 8. At that point I remember being mesmerized by the girls and their hair and dresses. I also grew up in a house with a mom and dad and a brother so there was no way for me to experience another gender for my age. It's not uncommon to not have a clue at age 5.