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Yes, 'boredrooster' - you are still so young starting. Your doctors will determine your health status. A member of my local transsexual group who is my same age started her transition barely two years ago. I was fortuneate to start my ERT during my 22nd year (here my regret is that I lacked the wherewithal to have started sooner). My first endocrinologist told me bluntly that he doubted I would ever 'pass' as female. My second endo four years later told me that I converted as if I had been born female. 'Your mileage may vary,' as Tessa posted, but you will never know until you decide what to do.
Good therapy and counselling will rescue you from your brink.
From reading others' stories and from my own experiences, 'passing' seems to be the issue early during pre-transition and early transition - that insecurity not knowing whether people will perceive us as our desired gender - female or male.
Eventually I learned and realised that my own action had much to do with 'passing' - my presentation to others. Was I presenting as 'male' or as 'female'. Allow this explanation.
My wardrobe as I began transition changed to uni-sex female attire; I eliminated all my male predecessor's attire. Some of my uni-sex female attire was more 'masculine', some was more 'feminine', and some could be considered neutral. I tended to wear the 'masculine' or neutral look such as at work where I was employed as male during my male part-time mode. I wore the 'feminine' look when I presented as female during my part-time female mode; I of course also had truer female attire (e.g., dresses and skirts) when I presented as female.
As I progressed through transition, I noticed that I began feeling less fear and more comfortability in my uni-sex 'feminine'-styled attire even during my male mode. I think back and sometimes wonder how others perceived me while I was dressed in something of the 'feminine'-style while presenting as male.
Bottom line lesson for me:
- if I presented as male wearing my uni-sex 'masculine'-styled female clothes, then others usually perceived me, or at least accepted me on that premise, as male
- if I presented as female even wearing my female 'masculine'-styled clothes, then others usually perceived me, or at least accepted me on that premise, as female.
I can't identify a particular day or date or even a duration of a time period to tell you that at some point (likely no later than late transition) I no longer thought of my effort of female appearance as whether I was 'passing'. At some point, my completing mental conversion eventually, naturally told me I am female without any second thought to that concept.
In fact, I probably became more concerned about passing as male at places where I still presented as male (e.g., work) by my late transition time rather than passing as female where I presented as female. My body hair was gone. My facial hair was going away fast. My voice remained female through delayed puberty and continued to be recognised as female. I lost my masculine appearance. I became more natural with my feminine mannerisms. My ERT converted my body scent to female. There was no sign of a male-pattern hair line.
It was no wonder, then, that people who worked at other businesses where we all worked at an eight-story office complex frequently mistook me as female (and I have stories to go with that) while I was doing what I thought was my best to present as male. I can only imagine how my own employment co-workers thought of me as my appearance changed from masculine to feminine during my five years there. And I know that I must have occasionally worn something that fit the 'feminine'-styled uni-sex female attire where I worked as male.
I am more than 35 years since first ERT, more than 30 years since 2nd post-op, and 30 years since completing transition to full-time female forever. None, at least to my face, mis-gender me. I still keep my thoughts young and still appreciate each time someone calls me 'Miss' or 'Ma'am' as if I am hearing it for the first time. Each time I hear those courtesies gives a satisfying shot of positive mental reinforcement to me.
Certainly, nowadays, I take only intuitive notion. I AM female. I AM a woman. And I am 59 years old. So I grab whatever I choose from my wardrobe without second thoughts, I choose to wear make-up - or not, and both are moot to that 'passing' phase. I have long gone beyond those ancient thoughts of 'passing' - 'Iamme'.
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