Hey I amfinding it tough to start a career. I fear I am going to be stuck in a dead-end job that I will probably lose when/if I become a woman.

I am completely stuck. I want to go abroad and work in the entertainment team in a hotel, running events for adults (sports, aqua zumba etc) and doing shows in the night but this is going to be IMPOSSIBLE as a transsexual because appearance and normality are important in the industry. Plus I am currently in treatment at a gender centre so I am stuck in a crappy little town with no support network, no friends and nothing to do. I literally spend all my time on my laptop. There are only so many times I can walk around the fields before it becomes so boring I can no longer tolerate it.

Also I don't drink alcohol so there are no opportunities for socialisation, which sucks. I am considering re-starting just so I can have a social life.

I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I currently work in a pub but I will lose that job if I start to look like a manly woman thing.

I am stuck in a small town.

HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also have OCD and an eating disorder.

I am not an expert but the little information I have found on the web leads me to believe the UK, USA and Canada (to name just 3), it is illegal for an employer to discriminate an employee because of his or her gender identity.

And I had thought that it was only illegal for the employer to ADMIT that they had discriminated due to the applicant being transgender. You live and learn.

Quote from: Leki on September 21, 2015, 02:58:06 PM
Hey I amfinding it tough to start a career. I fear I am going to be stuck in a dead-end job that I will probably lose when/if I become a woman.

Well this is simply not forseeable.
Its possible you can transition slowly... or come out at one point and present as female... maybe well passable...

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I am completely stuck. I want to go abroad and work in the entertainment team in a hotel, running events for adults (sports, aqua zumba etc) and doing shows in the night but this is going to be IMPOSSIBLE as a transsexual because appearance and normality are important in the industry.

Who says so ? I met a few of them and they were mostly not exactly normal... nice people who had a few artistic features and could go along with people... their best staff was a person who could speak four languages...
you might simply build a profile and run with it...
important is to be friendly imo...

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Plus I am currently in treatment at a gender centre so I am stuck in a crappy little town with no support network, no friends and nothing to do. I literally spend all my time on my laptop.

Well you could look for some nice people online... there is also skype... there is a chat on susans...
and you might look for groups in your surroundings....
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,135219.msg1082682.html

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There are only so many times I can walk around the fields before it becomes so boring I can no longer tolerate it.

Well spending a moderate amount of time in nature can be very refreshing...

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Also I don't drink alcohol so there are no opportunities for socialisation, which sucks. I am considering re-starting just so I can have a social life.

Well there is a lot of social life without alcohol... you might stick to water or fruit juices...
there are a few pastimes that can be enjoyed without it...
bridge evenings... etc...
it may be possible to take part and simply be a spectator... looking after drinks and food for example...

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I also have OCD and an eating disorder.

For the former kind of letting go might help... seeing thoughts being dissolved...
there are a few different exercises... or praying might help... a short concentration, and a trust it will go away...
and trusting it will get better...
this can lead to a subconscious relaxation...

well you might eat healthy, with enough vegetables and fruit...
and kind of trust all will turn out well...
and do a few things to bring you on the right way for your dreams...
so you can relax, and look forward a bit....

Without wishing to be cruel it seems very obvious that it is not really the transsexuality on its own that is causing you the difficulty... its the combination of all your difficulties.

The way it works in employment is like a points system. You can break a few rules - have have a few problems like say being trans on its own with nothing else, and if everything else is good then you get a hall pass, and the employer shrugs and say "oh well nobody is perfect..."

But when you come with multiple potentially disruptive issues, then there comes a tipping point. Somebody with say OCD will have a particular type of personality which can make working with them more tricky. On its own might not be seen as an issue, but combined with something else, like say being trans or having an eating issue, it may become more of a problem, and that possibility of problems multiplying is undoubtedly what may be making potential employers worried.

So I think your headline is wrong, its certainly not just because of transsexuality, its because of the very unfortunate combination of circumstances in which you find yourself.

Now it sounds like a horrible dilemma to be in and I'm very sympathetic. I wish I had some good suggestions, but really all I can say is that you probably need to find a way of "picking off" a couple of the other problems first so when you come out as trans its not seen as the last straw but rather as a isolated and reasonable problem. CBT is usually often quite helpful with OCD and there are also specialists who work with eating disorders. In order to motivate yourself to work on these issues I might even suggest you link them in your mind to your evenual transition, and approach them as obstacles to be overcome in order to make that transition possible.

Its not going to be an easy road, both OCD and eating disorders can be tricky things to improve, but if you have determination it should be possible.

@rejennyrated -- You might be thinking of OCPD? There's no personality component to OCD outside of popular culture. I have OCD and people are always shocked when I tell them b/c I don't match the OCD archetype they've seen on TV (Monk, etc). 2% of the population has OCD and imo, our garbage brains are about the only thing we have in common.

Other than that, I agree. Good post.


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Quote from: captains on September 22, 2015, 01:49:10 AM
@rejennyrated -- You might be thinking of OCPD? There's no personality component to OCD outside of popular culture. I have OCD and people are always shocked when I tell them b/c I don't match the OCD archetype they've seen on TV (Monk, etc). 2% of the population has OCD and imo, our garbage brains are about the only thing we have in common.

Other than that, I agree. Good post.


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Oops I believe you may be right, good catch. However in a way it makes a useful point because if I as a 4th year medic can make that slip of the mind you can bet an ordinary employer will do the same thing - so another issue is making sure that everyone understands what you are taking about which isn't always an easy challenge...

Totally true, haha. I'm a student and dx'd, and I make mistakes like that all the time. 

As a long standing member of  the hospitality industry (I now do gaming due to the hours), please let me offer you some advice:

You work in a pub, for someone that wants to work as part of an entertainment team for a hotel you are off to a good start. You ARE working in the right industry, this is only a dead end job if you let it.

This is an industry that values work ethic and willingness to sacrifice your social life above all. Places are more likely to value this, then somebody transitioning to female.

Find courses to improve your skill set. Supervisor courses, management courses, event management courses, these can help make you more attractive to a employer.

I don't drink, it doesn't stop me from socialising (when I have time) with friends

Agree with immortal gypsy and rejennyrated.

You need to look at your situation as a whole and figure out how all the pieces fit together. Only when all of your personal difficulties are managed can you achieve what you're hoping to do. Based on the things you've said you struggle with, I would advise you not to start drinking again. I do not drink, and there are plenty of ways to socialize without it. IMO, it is a problem if you are using alcohol as a social crutch.

I do consulting for the hospitality industry. Not one owner or manager that I've done work for has had anything negative to say about my transition. In fact, many have praised me for it. I have also encountered some of the most outlandish people I have ever seen working anywhere, in this industry. So don't think there is no place for you here because of what you are or how you anticipate you will look. If you're willing to work hard, put in the time, and do what is needed, you can make it.

Quote from: Shads on September 21, 2015, 03:09:03 PM
I am not an expert but the little information I have found on the web leads me to believe the UK, USA and Canada (to name just 3), it is illegal for an employer to discriminate an employee because of his or her gender identity.

In the US there is no federal law, only state law. In most states it is perfectly legal to fire you because you are trans. There is a federal ruling that discrimination based on gender identity is protected as gender discrimination but so far mostly untested. This is true even for some supposedly LGBT friendly states like NY. You can't be discriminated against for sexual orientation but you can for gender identity.

I have found myself in the same position.
Passing privelage and race is wjat seems to be the deciding facfor.
I have spent 5 years working in remote mine site kitchens ,
We were strict and I mean we did amazing work.
Post transition hahaha good luck.
Everyone that is posting about how to make it might be full of bs.
It's the intenret.
And Pre transition I got a job in a instant when I wanted,
Post transiting I sent out over 120 resumes lol.
I am not always mean nasty and calloused.
I'm a very sweet girl for the most part.
But face the facts ladies.
I highly suspect that those that claim all these successes are stealthed
Or had ffs .....get real ladies



< Natasha, watch your language or I shall put you on moderation to clean up your posts>

Quote from: natashaX on September 22, 2015, 08:03:54 PM
I have found myself in the same position.
Passing privelage and race is wjat seems to be the deciding facfor.
I have spent 5 years working in remote mine site kitchens ,
We were strict and I mean we did amazing work.
Post transition hahaha good luck.
Everyone that is posting about how to make it might be full of bs.
It's the intenret.
And Pre transition I got a job in a instant when I wanted,
Post transiting I sent out over 120 resumes lol.
I am not always mean nasty and calloused.
I'm a very sweet girl for the most part.
But face the facts ladies. Y
I highly suspect that those that claim all these successes are stealthed
Or had ffs .....get real ladies

You could not be more wrong and since Professor Cindy (our Forum Admin) and several others on this forum know me personally, and cindy wrote one of my references for one the the BEST medical schools in the UK where I am now close to completing my studies to be a doctor the point is proven beyond doubt.

I do not speak BS, nor am I stealth, nor have I had FFS. OK I am partially androgen insensitive and have a reasonable appearance, but I'm hired for my brains not my looks. As indeed I was when I worked at NASA, in the Royal Navy, and at the BBC all of who hired me in my 30+ years that I've lived post transition and postop too.

Now I know I am just one, but I also know some of the the others in this thread and I can vouch for them. With the greatest respect its you that I dont know. So from my perspective, by the same token, your tale of woe could be internet BS. I'm not saying it is, I'm just saying that throwing accusations around probably isnt going to get either of us very far.

If you have had as much bad luck as you claim then I am really sorry for you, but it is true that others from our community have been more fortunate, and probably live in countries that are more tolerant than yours.

It also depends on the surroundings.
More educated people might be more accepting.
You might look for such surroundings.. like kitchens for universities etc...
and maybe apply in person so that people see you are a good match...

photos might be adjusted, a side shot for example might be more of advantage...

Hi Leki,

My job was one of the biggest reasons I delayed transition. To my customers, I am the face of our company and am responsible for many tens of millions of dollars in sales. I never thought it would work because I can't hide in my job.

Fast forward a year, and ALL of my customers are supportive, my job has been supportive, and things are largely ok. It hasn't been easy but it's SO MUCH BETTER.

It has helped me to be open and honest, to understand that most people are totally ignorant of trans people, and to just relax and be myself. People respond vey well to honesty, I think. Communicate! If people aren't hearing your story they are inventing their own.

I still keep copies of my transition letter for people I haven't seen in a few years. It's sort of fun! My transition letter was critical to my success - put some time into writing meaningful words that help people understand (not too personal, mind you 😊). It will help you understand how to communicate these thoughts.

Changing my life hasn't been easy but I can't fathom going back to being male. The idea freaks me out. You will find the way that works for you and your life.

Chin up! Tomorrow is a new day, full of possibilities!

Jess

I'm not sure how dedicated you are to your employment goals, but if you could start your own business doing that, I'd recommend a Minority Business Grant for Women. Being a TG woman makes you eligible. It's free money from the Feds to help you start your own business. I have 2 different business plans I've written. One is 29 pages long, the other is 36. Takes a lot of time and effort, but it's worth looking into. It's free money.