Thankyou girls for your kind words and comments. I do appreciate the need to take things slowly, I am trying to move at her pace without lettings things just stall. I think that what Dena had to say was very relevant and growing together is especially important. I wrote her a letter yesterday and in it I talked her how much I loved her and why I loved her. I talked to her about the fact she had every right to be angry or any number of other emotions. I talked to her about me no longer being able to fulfil the male role in her life, I talked about the changes I was going to go through and that I want would want to be treated and respected as the woman I am/become. I talked about how difficult this must be for her, I talked about the positives that could potentially come from this and Talked about her having the right to a happy and fulfilled life and if I am unable to provide that then leaving the marriage maybe the best choice for her. I talked about if she did chooses to leave the marriage I would be as accommodating as I could and not make things hard on her and finally told her I did not want the marriage to end but I can not chose not to do this as it is something I have sought my whole life wether consciously or unconsciously, it has driven me.
She sat down this morning and we talked about the letter...She once again re-committed to the relationship and we talked about the possibilities of really happy future. I asked about her trouncing around comment and she laughed and said she was having a joke with me and even apologised if she had insulted me in any way. I said It confused me a little and made me wonder how much she understood so we talked some more...she understands fine, she knows exactly what I am going to do and if it is going to make me a happier person then she is behind me all the way. She knows my taste in clothing and we have shopped for me before.
You know...it is about communication and even after 30 years in a relationship we can still mess up the signals. This is what I did...maybe I am too sensitive to stuff like this at the moment.
We talked about a number of different issues and yes we have more work to do but in an ever evolving relationship isn't that the case anyway. We spoke about our non-sexual relationship we have had for the last 10 plus years. I know that may sound odd but seriously I don't even remember the last time we did the "wild thing"...that's party my issue and I am beginning to understand why...but that is a whole other can of my worms which I think involves not only the Gender Dysphoria but the Body stuff I have as well. I also think it says plenty about how comfortable we are with each other because the sexual stuff never has been and never will be an issue. That is not to say we don't show intimacy in other ways
Finally and this does make me believe she "get's it". We are having our 29th wedding anniversary on the 10/10 and I asked her what she wanted to do, so my wife turned to me as the conversation was finishing and said "Maybe we should make this like a last hurrah" so I said to her "Do you mean give John(not my real name) a send off" and her response was "yeah I think that would be very fitting" So our wedding anniversary celebration will be a farewell party for John and a welcome to Sarah. How cool is that.
Sarah T