I'm sick of being like this I'm tired of being jealous of women why can't it just stop and go away why can't I stop fade away be done with life no more sadness confusion sleepless nights no more being the weirdo that I call my self. I'm to chicken top help my self to chicken to the pull trigger I try to imagine where I will be in 10 years but there is nothing like I know I won't make it that long the normal escapes aren't enough anymore I need new ones but I can't find them something needs  happen soon good or bad

I don't expect any replies its just a garbled mess of feelings I needed to let out just woke up extra depressed today hope everyone else's day goes better

Big hug! Sorry you're having a rough patch.

Hugs, Devlyn

Depression is a nasty illness. It distorts your vision and make the world seem hopeless. Why else would people consider suicide over trying to take control of their lives?

Hang in there, Vendetta. You have choices. Please try to look for them.

I've been there, as I think many of us have.

It took a lot, and I got to a really scary place, but its what pushed me into finally doing something about it. I'm so glad I did because life's really good now.

I know how this is.

*hugs*

I feel that way so much its not even funny. I get so jealous of women on a daily basis wishing that I looked like them or had the body shape that they have but then the reality strikes and I realize I will never look like them or even be remotely femme at all. Every single day I am like why cannot I change myself and dream everynight that I will wake up in the morning and be a complete female but of course that won't happen.

Then I realize that I just need to take day by day and if its meant to happen then it will and if its not then I will just struggle with it for the rest of my life. I need to see a Gender Therapist and talk to someone about these feelings and get there professional opinion of what is up with me.

I honestly feel like for me I just need to get the confidence to feel proud to be a female and to be proud to dress up and be proud that I don't want to be what I was born into and that I really want to be female.

Time will tell but I wish you the best Vendetta and I am sure you will work through this, I know that I am very emotional when it comes to my feelings about being transgender.

*hugs* to you too Sandy

You say you're jealous of women? But you are a woman, and I bet you're a beautiful woman. If you choose to identify as something, that is what you are. You may not have the biological sex, but all of that will come in time. I promise. As long as you seek help, it will come to you. Keep going. *hugs*


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Thanks for the support I know there are options I'm much better today those days of extreme depression hit without warning and no mercy mabie someday it won't be so bad somethings gotta change just wish I knew what/how until then ill take it one day at a time

I understand you. Depression is annoying; a big plague and I have experienced to be jealous too. (But I'm jealous at guys.)
I take day by day and hope at the best. I'm very glad for I'm not living in the past. Medieval wasn't fun at all. I'm happy for I live in the 21st century.
My tips is thinking at something funny, do funny hobbies and listening to music that you love. I would recommend you to ask a gender therapist for tips. Some of them may help you at the track. I know the struggle and I'm trying to be positive.

(PS! English isn't my first language)

Hey Vendetta, Only this time last week i was at the point i was so low that i thought that even suicide was too good for me, but now i'm back on top form. We all get like it and i'm glad you are feeling a bit better now. Hang in there and it'll come good in the end. In Fact i've found that the support on here and seeing other people are going through similer stuff has helped me no end,i no longer feel like i'm going through it all on my own and the only one doing it.
Sophie

 Medieval wasn't fun at all. I'm happy for I live in the 21st
[/quote]

So true lol  I do appreciate the 21st century

I've found since I've started coming on this site Ive gotten a better understanding of what I'm going threw but it also opened the door to a whole new mess of feelings one day at a time