Hi there,

I dont really know what answers i'm looking for, I guess maybe just to know that I'm not the only one going through this. Im 28 female, ive always had a missing feeling inside and fantasies of being a man. I am not transitioning and I have not cross dressed. I guess the ideal I have of the man i would like to be would not match up to the 5f4 small frame of myself. I am truly stuck in a dilemma of what the hell am I going to do with my life, I just want peace but I have no idea where to find it.

If there is anyone I could talk to before I loose the will to live, id be eternally grateful.
Thanks for your time
Jade x

Hiya, welcome to Susan's. I think it's safe to say that you're not alone here. Have a look through the forums and boards - you'll see that not every trans person transitions, cross dressers or even experiences dysphoria.

Also have a quick look at these links:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Again, welcome!
-Matt

( Edit: I hope everyone appreciates the time I spent making the links rainbow-y and pretty<3 )

Hi Jade, welcome to Susan's Place! You're definitely not alone.     Grab a comfy chair and start making friends!

Hugs, Devlyn

Hello

hi, whats the easiest way to talk to people on here? is there an instant messenger?

thanks again

You can click on 'My Messages' on your toolbar at the top of your screen and select 'Send a message'. Then type in the name of who you want to message and write your message, similar to email.

Hi Jade, From my limited experience on here i can honestly say, there are some very knowledgeable people on here that can help. If you need help or just someone to bounce ideas off there's always help available. Being Trans can be a roller coaster, so strap in and enjoy the ride.
Sophie

Welcome to Susan's Place. The message system will become active after you have made 15 quality post. To some degree we have all felt like you at some time or another. We wished we could have the body of the opposite gender and we had our idea of what the perfect body would be like. I am 6'2" so I had to give up on some of my notions of what was possible. I ended up with a body that I am comfortable and the public accepts.

I would suggest you get in contact with a Gender Therapist who will help you work through your feelings. In addition you should consider experimenting with the male role. Sometimes people can be comfortable with small changes in their appearance. Others find they need more extensive changes. You fall under the flag of Transgender and possibly Transsexual but you will have to decide which one you are. The sad truth is if you don't do something, it isn't going to get better. How much you need to do will be up to you. We will help you explore your feelings but our interest is finding something you are comfortable with.

A couple of therms you should be aware of in exploring this board are transsexual, a person who desires to change their gender and non binary, a person who found comfort somewhere between the two genders. Over time you will decide which life style you are comfortable with. You can continue posting to this thread and we will be notified of you post to the thread.

Hello and welcome 

You might look for a good gender therapist to help you along...
if they are not helpful look for another.

Some might accept your insurance and communicate online:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,162888.msg1400316.html#msg1400316
and you might ask for counseling, at plannedparenthood or a lgbt center...

here is a brochure by a reputable source... the british national health serive...
stating being trans has biological connections...
so its nobodys fault... not an upbringing or whatever...
http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf

there is a chat on susans, you can even use your own client...

and if you feel like it please reach out... there are helplines...
they also have a chat...
http://glbthotline.org/hotline.html
http://translifeline.org


hugs

I'm 5ft2in if that makes you feel any better

Quote from: jadda1987 on September 30, 2015, 02:13:22 PM
I guess the ideal I have of the man i would like to be would not match up to the 5f4 small frame of myself.
Jade x

Hey,
no one knows all the answers man That is why we are here to help each other out!

I will never be a musclebound Titan... To be honest my ideal self is a perm-21 year old 350lb Russian body-builder with 20" biceps  XD  He's fun to roleplay as, but since he has a fem side too, I think I have mostly come to terms with not measuring up to the boy   Seeing as I'm 31 this year I'm already failing to meet that standard.

The Skee-lo song "I Wish" used to be my anthem.  I've adjusted my ideals and become a LOT less critical of myself as well as OTHERS.  I'm actually really into short guys and I shifted from gay man to pansexual... man/neuter/occasional femmish thing.  My preferred pronouns are male but I am also really okay with they/them and 'it' coming from the right person, as long as I know it's affectionate, not hateful.

Nowadays my favorite inner guy is a 5' subby man who is older than my own actual age... It helps me to act things out in non reality, whether online or tabletop games and silly daydreams too.  Escapism can help a lot.  Game like Skyrim allow you to be a lot more options than we get in real life and you get the bonus of queer relationships to some extent

All I can say is please call a hotline if you are really thinking of suicide, heck call 5, then consider a few things.

Cross dressing (in a female dressing as male sense) is usually easier for born female individuals.  You should try it! But you don't have to think of it as cross dressing- for you it is wearing the clothes you ought to be wearing anyways!  Can you get yourself some guys underwear briefs/boxers?  It makes me feel pretty awesome to just have all male undies even if I am wearing a dress and tights, typical lady trappings... (I enjoy cross dressing and shaving on occasion). It can be a small fun thing you do, you could also do other small things like researching a gender therapist in your area. You don't HAVE to see a therapist- but research.  You can call them, leave messages, email or whatever you feel comfortable with.  Only do what you are okay with!

This comic is MTF rather FTM but the feel/message is still the same!

http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/09/its-not-a-race/

take some baby steps, think about who you are inside and how you can take some baby steps in that direction.  Know that there are tons of short men out there, cis and trans who would like to be taller.  Personally, I'd be happier trading a few inches of height for some shoulder width myself...

Just take it slow and write things down, make lists of pros/cons and other random stuff like how it makes you feel to think of yourself as a guy.  Monitoring your own feelings and ideas can actually be a really useful tool, especially if you have a lot of self-damaging thoughts towards yourself.  I had to learn how to treat myself like a decent person rather than holding myself to higher expectations than I would with other people.

Welcome to Susan's! I do hope you'll find anyone you like to talk to. As you've already seen, there's no shortage of people here that will. You can talk about anything too, it doesn't have to be trans* stuff.

It's really hard to find answers when you don't even know what questions to ask, isn't it? That you're asking at all is a huge first step.

Just please, please do reach out and talk, if you believe you are losing that will to live.

It's nice to meet you.

Hey Jade,

If it helps any, I was utterly confounded about myself too at first, it can take some time to figure out who you are. I think starting to question things is the first step towards becoming more genuinely yourself.

For me, I haven't had seven days in a row where I agreed with myself about what I wanted - there's always some soul searching involved, and asking yourself what you want. But some clarity can definitely help and I think this is a great place to start.

Rowan