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My G/F came out as transgender, need advice

Started by QuantumMultiverse, October 06, 2015, 11:24:51 AM

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iKate

Quote from: QuantumMultiverse on October 06, 2015, 12:20:27 PM
I guess ultimately I am being selfish, I wonder how my friends and family would view this relationship. I want to be happy though, I am going to follow my heart and make this work. I can't let others dictate my own happiness.

This isn't an uncommon thing at all. Parents and family not approving of one's significant other is hardly confined to trans people. I guess it would be similar to dating someone of a different race, particularly white/black or traditional asian families. I dated and married someone 10 years older (me as a guy I mean) which is quite unusual. My mom literally fainted. Later on she learned to accept. Now she accepts me as her daughter. So it could be similar. The only constant is change.

I would expect for them to scrutinize her anyway and it's really up to her to disclose to them or not. Don't do it for her. She may say keep her trans status between you and her. Or she may say she's out, loud and proud. Given that she took time before she disclosed, I'd guess and say the former is how she wants to live. But in the end it is her decision and hers alone. It is best if you respect that. 

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When it comes to sex, is it ok to ask her what she perfers to do? Where I can touch her?

Absolutely. She is out in the open with you now. Asking respectfully would be fine. Pushing and making demands would not be (also goes for relationships with cisgender people).

Things that make her uncomfortable would probably be like her past life, medical history and surgery plans, unless she talks about it.

I'd also say don't rush her into sex reassignment surgery. However you can support her on this journey. Even just emotional support is fine and means the world to many people.
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iKate

Quote from: Sharon Anne McC on October 07, 2015, 01:18:56 AM

M-F transsexuals are every much female and woman - pre-op or post-op.  Hormones kill any and all 'male' in the M-F.


And for many of us it doesn't exist in the first place. In many respects I had thought processes like a woman since childhood.
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Girl Beyond Doubt

QuantumMultiverse,

you are one lucky guy, you just don't seem to know it yet. Or do you?
Wrap your head around it, but don't wait too long.
If you don't screw up now, your life together will give you a few experiences quite out of the ordinary. Blessed. Amazing. Glorious. Mind blowing. One.

Cherish her affection, show her what you really feel, and cut the crap.

She is fragile and vulnerable like a child, curious like a cat, scared like chicken, hurting like heaven, fresh like morning dew, mature beyond her years, full of doubt and hope.
She has the heart of a lioness, the passion of a woman, the wisdom of a survivor, and a wicked humor.
She loves you and craves your love.
Well, I am talking about myself here, of course, but aren't we MtF all the same?

You feel somehow like you have been deceived? Men have been deceived by women so often that I have lost count long ago. The same is probably true for men deceiving women.

But deceived about what?
About their motives?
Their true feelings or lack thereof?
Their marriage status and thus their commitment to a serious, lasting and fulfilling relationship?

Would you rather have that?

Those of us who have run the gauntlet and emerged with their heart in one piece have an emotional capacity and insight far beyond the norm of society.

You will reach a point where you will have to decide for real whether you can take society's pressure. Be prepared. She is strong enough. Are you?
The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself - Mark Twain
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QuantumMultiverse

I told her about posting here before I read the suggestions to tell her, I felt a bit guitly airing out personal information. Shes heard of the site but doesn't post here. She said it was ok to follow up. She seemed happy with my understanding of everything shes going through. :) Thanks everyone for making that possible. I've read every reply and learned a little from each.

So, I left right after my post the other day. I texted her "I can't imagine what's running through your mind right now, but I need to take part in it. I have no issues with giving space in the future but right now I need to make sure were on the same page".

She gave me a big LONG hug at the door, she wouldn't let go. :) we talked for a long time. She asked me to stay the night, as long as we can keep it to cuddling.

She had her head on my chest talking to me and she fell asleep like that mid conversation lol, it was cute.

So everything seems good so far, thanks everyone :).
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stephaniec

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Mariah

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me.
[email]mariahsusans.orgstaff@yahoo.com[/email]
I am also spouse of a transgender person.
Retired News Administrator
Retired (S) Global Moderator
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Sarah82

I'm so happy for you guys!
I hope to see you around the forum still though :P
I'm so glad we could all help in our small way.
Big hugs,
Sarah





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taylor_h

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jeni

squee!

I am sorry to have missed this as it unfolded, but zomg I am impressed by how you handled this.
-=< Jennifer >=-

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KristinaM

Congratulations!  I'm kinda envious of her actually, haha, to have found someone so understanding and/or willing to work through these issues since falling for the person underneath it all.  :)  You two will do great, just keep the lines of communication open, be civil and take your time, it's possibly new territory for both of you.
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Trini

I read the whole thing and OMG I am tearing up!

Awww.  *3*

What the others have said, communication and being there for her!
7/11/14: Acceptance
10/12/14: HRT
4/10/15: FT
7/17/15: Name & Gender Change
10/12/17: Three Years HRT
1/16/19: Trach Shave Surgery

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awilliams1701

Ashley
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