Hi everybody!  I very recently started to acknowledge the realistic possibility that I'm mtf transgender. Talking about it openly is very scary for me because it makes it more real.  I don't like thinking about all of the things that should come next if I decide to transition.  I know that I'm not yet at a place where I have to decide that.  I've been taking small steps to start the journey,  including wearing women's underwear underneath my man clothes,  and sitting when I pee.  I'm so conflicted about this.  I feel an immense feeling of relief when I hear about and watch others success stories,  and at the same time, a sort of hopeless feeling of fear. All my life,  I've gone back and forth with wishing I were a woman,  and now its consuming so much of my energy that I cannot ignore it any longer.  Today is the first time I've reached out for therapy,  and although I haven't yet heard back,  I'm very excited and scared at the same time, knowing that I've set this process in motion. Thank you all for being here, and for the ones who have or are currently paving the way.

Hi LunaRay and welcome to Susan's. You've taken a positive step in seeking out therapy. It is scary but that's normal to feel that way in such a life changing decision. I started out slowly b wearing panties and a bra underneath my work clothes. I sat down to pee also. Now ten years later I'm out to many people and living my authentic self.

Embrace all the positive experiences that come your way. Keep coming here and share your feelings and concerns.

Thank you I feel like I need to keep embracing this.  I just don't want to go back to pretending nothing is wrong with how I feel about my masculine body.

Hi LunaRay,

You've taken an important step!  Good for you!  Yes, it is a bit scary, but take comfort in the fact you are now doing something for yourself, instead of keeping it all bottled up inside and having it tear you up.

You are certainly not alone in your feelings.  I struggled for 50 years with the relentless desire to be female. I went through periods of cross-dressing, purging, self-loathing, and denial.  I have been married, had children, and done all the things males are supposed to do, but the desires never left - they got worse.   At some point you tell yourself that not doing something is worse than trying to find out who you are.

So welcome to the community.  There are a lot of wonderful people here you can share your thoughts and feelings with.

With Kindness,

Terri

Thank you Terri. I'm so happy people understand and have experienced what I'm going through.  It makes me feel like I can be honest with myself.

Hi LunaRay 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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Welcome to Susan's Place, Luna.