For me personally the more the estrogen binds to my brain the more I love the idea of being trans . Don't get me wrong I am female first , but the idea of being uniquely trans is incredibly exciting to me . The possibility of being part of a movement and cutting edge social experience is quite interesting. I grew up riding the tail end of the Hippie movement. The hippies went underground  for the most part when the war that was never admitted to being a war ended . I somewhat died when the movement died, but never stopped being a hippie. I've always been trans , but until recently through transition I was in denial and basically underground. For me being trans now was like when I chose to be a hippie.  I'm free at last dear God free at last. I know there is a great diversity in the feeling of being trans from love to angst . I guess no matter how far the movement achieves acceptance there will always be that angst of being trans which is totally understandable. I don't  know what it is in me that makes me enjoy being trans , I think it has some to do with the factors that made me love being a hippie or was it the desire to be trans that made me a hippie , I don't know. What triggered this excitement has been the experience of strangers and my therapist wanting for some reason to make sure they gender properly. Tonight sitting in Starbucks a lady called me ma'am. Being called ma'am is happening on a scale I never in my wildest dreams thought would happen. A waitress a couple of days ago wanted to make sure she was using the right pronouns. Even though I have nothing I'm finding I have everything. I'm having a great day today just because strangers want to gender me proper and because I'm trans. Sorry I got carried away.

Your not get carried away at all Stephanie! You deserve the love and respect.

As for me, I am very very happy and comfortable with being trans, post-trans, female whatever. I just like being me - and I'm amazed that I can say that after so many years of hiding.

Some words that make being trans great. Inner peace, acceptance, freedom, self love. Being Born a girl woulda
been great .... but this is the next best thing. After years of denial and all the negativity I finally have all of the above.

I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.  I'm the luckiest unlucky girl in the world for having survived it and somehow I now get to live happily ever after.  My life is pretty much an extended WTF moment at times, but I'm starting to find that my "now what?" groove is finally taking.

Most of the time I don't think about it too much. There's aspects to my personality which I like which most likely may never have been had I been born a genetic cis female. Who's to say my life would have been any better? I'll never know! The only thing I really don't like about being trans is the sheer douchbaggery of people who discriminate and hate against trans people - even though I'm fairly free of that at the moment I know it affects the majority of us.

Honestly I think it's hard. It's hard and unfair. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

It promises a bright future of self actualization. But so far it's just an existential nightmare of doubt, regret, loneliness and self loathing.

I wonder why me? What did I do to deserve this? Nothing, It just happens sometimes, sorry no easy life of self assurance and comfort for you. You get to be afraid. You get to be sad. All the time.

And honestly, that's what I think of being Trans. It freaking sucks. I'm proud of being Trans because I'm going through all that and I still haven't taken a long walk of a short bridge. I'm proud of being Trans because I've been subject to a unique experience and have probably examined myself deeper and more profoundly than most cis people ever will.

But none of that changes the fact that, for me at least (and most I suspect) It is hard, it is unfair and it sucks.

Sorry to vent all over your thread.

I love being trans and wouldn't have it any other way.

It's such an interesting and exciting life experience on so many levels; cis people don't get to really live the different aspects of being treated as both genders, the strength it has taken to step up to the reality of my identity has made me a more rounded, deeper thinking person with a significant increase in confidence from earlier in my life.

It's made it clear that the people I have surrounded myself with throughout life are as completely excellent as I'd previously imagined and, whilst there are always going to be idiots that shout things in the street, overwhelmingly people in general have been wicked, filling me with a sense of the public at large being a fairly decent lot.

Really having to work to figure out my identity has meant I've picked aspects of myself and things that I'd taken for granted about myself apart to get to the core of my being....these stones would've been left unturned had I not been trans and I'm pretty sure I'd not be as happy and balanced a person now as a result.

Yeah, it's been a difficult, weird, isolating rollercoaster, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

I, too, love being trans. Every day, I thank my stars I wasn't a cis male. I do chafe at the fact that I'm not a cis female (especially when I look at my empty inbox on the online dating site I frequent), but I don't think life would have been peaches and cream had I been. My life was the one I was given. I won't get another, so I'm doing my best to savor the one I've got.

I used to have a difficult time being trans but only recently started embracing it. I wanted so badly to be cis. But Stephanie is right. We are inherently unique and societal interest in people like us is currently at its peak. I feel the past year has been great when it comes to social acceptance for trans people. We still have a long way to go, but because there is a huge "PC" movement going on right now, it's become way easier for us.

I feel being trans is why people are drawn to me now. And I love it!

I like the simple life.

Being trans complicates my simple life.

Being trans does keep me grounded - I'd hate to think how much of an egotistical person I'd be if I wasnt.

I hate being trans. If I have to do this again in another life,  I will slit my own throat. I'm tired of fighting for everything.

You asked.

The relief at being no longer identified as male is beyond description, but the journey to getting free of that assigned at birth curse has been absolute hell.  After 25 years I can honestly say that I'm glad that I'm Trans, but I wouldn't wish the journey on anyone.  I remember when my AMAB daughter at age 14 told me she was trans too I wept, not because I had any kind or problem with her being trans, but because I was afraid for her that she was going to suffer the same kind of pain and distress that I'd gone through with my transition.  And she did (sigh) and there wasn't a thing I could do about it.
I once told a jeering pack of youths that I hoped that when they had children one of them would be just like me.  An unusual kind of curse I know, but I absolutely meant every word of it.  It's easy to jeer at someone else when your life hasn't been touched by the same circumstance.  Nobody would willingly want to be Trans and nobody 'chooses' to be Trans, but because I am I'm proud and unashamed of being Trans.

There's another Transwoman here in town who is around my own age and like me she transitioned years ago.  Just recently we met in the local chemists while waiting for our prescription to be filled.  So what did we talk about? - Our aches and pains, what our respective doctors were doing for our various aliments, our concern and worries about our aging parents........  Yeah, - we sounded exactly like a couple of old ciswomen having a chat.  I noticed a couple of guys staring our way and I couldn't have cared less.  I don't think my friend gave a fig either as what was going on in their tiny minds.  It's moments like that when I know the journey was absolutely worth it because I'm completely ME and all the insults, fists and hate and thrown stones weren't enough to stop me.

 When I think about myself, I've started to not hate myself 24h a day ever since I started accepting myself and my true gender, and I've learned to be more spontaneous.

That being said, being trans under my current conditions suck. I'm not completely independent yet, and my super-comservative father is doing a lot to kill my self-expression.

That and the 24/7 dysphoria keep making everyday a challenge, and I've been trying very hard not to slip into depression.

The happy messages and posts in this forum, alongside with the support of some precious friends is what gives me hope that I'll be ok.

I hate it. Hate it hate it hate it hate it.

Mostly because I wish I could have a husband and children with him and be a mommy and live a simple life.

I debate going stealth constantly with myself.

I dread the surgeon's knife but I know I have at least two more.

I hate that I couldn't go to a girl's school as a teenager and have that social bond with other women.

And I hate that my BC will laugh at me and always say male.

I really don't mention Trans anything on Facebook on my own status. Some people know but a lot of them don't. I delete posts that mention my Trans status in an obvious way.

In real life I'm a woman with 3 kids. End of story.

What I do have as a woman of transgender experience:

People calling me by all manner of feminine pronouns and references. Even the b word and c word at times.

The ability to be admired by men and envied by some women.

No constant nagging by myself that I am in the wrong body.

The ability to wear (mostly) what I want.

What I don't have:

The ability to get pregnant and bear children. This kills me to the core. To me I don't really see myself as having the full 100% experience as a woman unless I have a uterus. I mean my gender dysphoria is managed to a good degree but it is not 100% gone.

Full social acceptance as a woman. Only if I don't tell people I'm trans do they fully treat me like a woman, fully. So I try not to make it the first thing people know about me.

The ability to have a normal family. Look, some people like being queer, loud and proud. That's great. I love those people. But that is not me. I really don't like the queer label at all. I just want to be done and over with transition so I can get on with my life and try to pick up the pieces.

The ability to be in a relationship with any man I want to. The dating pool is pretty small for me. I mean I get guys interested in me and I genuinely believe they are not trans attracted but I am not ready to date yet and I think that when I disclose most men will run far away. Either that or they will view me with an asterisk... there are encouraging signs like Keanu Reeves rumored to be dating a trans woman etc but I don't really know how it would work out for me.

So yeah that's how it is for me... I can try to live with it but I don't know, honestly.

This may sound weird, but I've never identified as being transsexual (simply as female), although technically from a physical standpoint, that is what I am. Getting to know other individuals who have experienced 'real' transitions makes me aware of my uniqueness in the world.  And I am beginning to somewhat understand and embrace that 'trans' word and all it means. Some of the meaning I can identify with and some of it is like a stranger in my life I am curious about.  One thing is for certain, if given the choice I would not choose it. What was I thinking going into this body when my soul was being reincarnated. Definitely a note to self moment for next time.

trans bad

I would agree that I don't identify as trans, but at the same time my 55 years of life have been happy, fulfilled, and interesting in ways they probably would not have been if I had not chosen at the age of five to become an explorer in the dimension of gender.

True my explorations ended many decades ago, but the experience I gained has enabled me to live life to the full, and become far greater than I would have been if I had been conventionally female. I probably would never have been entirely orthodox, as almost all of my family have been pioneers in one way or another, but I could easiy have settled for far less than I've had.

Not just one but three fascinating high profile careers with famous organisations.
A relationship that lasted 25 years with another just starting.
Fostering children.
Living in a luxury home, with pool, private cinema, and grounds with electric gates.
Attending college four times and university/medical school three times.
Rubbing shoulders with many movers and shakers of the world.

Most of this I simply would not have thought to pursue, so my journey has consistently taught me one thing. The impossible is only really impossible if you are fool enough to believe that it is! So the smart person always aims higher, and never settles for less.

Hi Stephanie,

My body doesn't match my brain, I despise what society has put me through because of this.  I despise the societal norms that says I just can't be me and I have to play my gender role according to certain rules.

I'm transgender with major body and testosterone dysphoria.  If I could I would change my body in a second.  I don't have a problem being me.  I have a real problem with society's view of me.

So basically I hate the idea of gender but have no problem with being transgender.

Does that make any sense?
Paige

The short answer is I really wish I wasn't.

I have been struggling with it my whole life and it would have been so much simpler if I was cis.

Maybe my opinion will change on the other side of the bridge but I'm still at the long waiting period of a year to even see the GIC for the first time.

There is something that keeps me going and that is the small pushes to transition socially have really eased dysphoria a bit. I at least have a taste of what it might be like later when I can actually pass.

Maybe once I'm on the other side of transition i might feel proud of it or whatever, but at the moment it seems like a long uphill struggle. i did enter into it with hope because the alternative is worse, but that doesn't make it enjoyable to be this way.

Quote from: Paige on October 21, 2015, 11:30:14 AM

So basically I hate the idea of gender but have no problem with being transgender.

Does that make any sense?
Paige

It makes sense to me... If there were less social constructs around gender it would be a lot less stressful for me. socially i think i've always identified as gender neutral (i don't understand the idea of 'male' activities or 'female' activities) and want to continue that way, whereas physically and personally i ID differently. but it's like if you don't want to transition socially (cis) people don't believe you