Recently, my "best friend" invited me to a party with about 40 people (I didn't know anyone there).

I knew something was wrong the minute I walked through the front door. There were a lot of guys staring and snickering at me. When I asked my "best friend" what was going on, she explained that she told everyone at the party that I was transsexual. 

I was completely shocked because I have asked her in the past to keep my personal business to herself. She just shrugged and spent most of her time hanging out with her other friends. Further into the evening, she even said to one of her other friends: "I love this girl" (referring to her other friend...not me). She said this right in front of my face. I have known her for almost 20 years now, and she has never said those words to me.

After the party was over, I left and sat in my car for about 30 minutes sobbing. I have known her for almost 20 years and consider her my "best friend", but I realized that night that she doesn't feel the same way. She doesn't even consider me a girl.

Should I dump her as a friend and move on with my life?

I don't like drama, and I don't really want to confront her about how I feel.

Perhaps you should talk to your friend about this. Tell them how you feel, how they make you feel. There's nothing like confronting someone to see what they're made of. After that, you'll know exactly what they're like, and whether you want them in your life or not.

Your friend sounds terrible from what you've said, but it's hard to know without both sides you know.

Just approach it calmly, explain how you feel. Don't go making accusations until you have the facts.

Quote from: pink_cotton on October 28, 2015, 03:33:22 AMShould I dump her as a friend and move on with my life?

Seems like an obvious "yes" to me, and I don't see the need to give them any benefit of the doubt like the poster above me does. Either your friend will miss you (in which case they'll have some serious apologizing to do - and don't command her to apologize, because that will, at best, spawn an insincere apology), or she won't (in which case, good riddance).

Quote from: Black Arrow on October 28, 2015, 04:56:25 AM
Seems like an obvious "yes" to me, and I don't see the need to give them any benefit of the doubt like the poster above me does.

Not to derail the thread, but this attitude is one of the biggest things wrong with the world.

I wonder how many people you've known who gave you the benefit of the doubt when you came out (assuming you're trans).

Have a heart, and enough common sense to know when you don't have all the facts.

Quote from: Sammym on October 28, 2015, 05:23:35 AM
Not to derail the thread, but this attitude is one of the biggest things wrong with the world.

I wonder how many people you've known who gave you the benefit of the doubt when you came out (assuming you're trans).

Have a heart, and enough common sense to know when you don't have all the facts.

Well, I have one fact:

QuoteShe doesn't even consider me a girl.

Clearly, OP and this "best friend" have already discussed OP's transsexuality (i.e. we're past the "they just haven't talked about it enough" and "she's still in shock about her transsexuality" stages) and her "best friend" has explicitly violated one of her requests, that being "please don't tell them I'm trans" (which is an extremely rude thing to do regarding such personal matters even if there is no transsexuality involved). Then there's this:

QuoteShe just shrugged and spent most of her time hanging out with her other friends.

Obviously this "best friend" wasn't really concerned with the fact that she had just upset pink_cotton.

Of course, if she wants to talk it out and probably suffer another heartbreak, she's free to do so. But the least I'd do is to stay away from the "best friend" for now and let her make the first move if she really values the OP as a friend.

Dump her.
I don't even understand why you stayed at the party.

I completely agree with Black Arrow. It's absolutely rude for anyone to announce without permission to others that you're trans. To be fully honest, I would probably have left the party as soon as she said that.

I don't see why you should respect her when she doesn't even seem to care about such a personal issue of yourself.

I would of left the moment the smirks started, at the point I would of guessed I was in unfriendly territory .

Quote from: Sammym on October 28, 2015, 05:23:35 AM
Not to derail the thread, but this attitude is one of the biggest things wrong with the world.

I wonder how many people you've known who gave you the benefit of the doubt when you came out (assuming you're trans).

Have a heart, and enough common sense to know when you don't have all the facts.

I think I have enough facts to make a reasoned conclusion.

"Friend" went and outed pink_cotton to an entire party, who then proceeded to laugh and snicker at her.
"Friend" did not defend pink_cotton at all when said people were snickering.

Seems crystal clear to me that "friend" considers pink_cotton to be some sort of joke, and sharing the joke was more important than being a friend.

I don't need friends like that.

I have "friends" who shared pictures of me and said mean things. I told them where and what to do with themselves. They came crawling back eventually and apologizing.

Sometimes tough love is what it takes. You're a real person with feelings, not a joke.

If one of my friends ever did this to me, they would be quickly unfriended to join the ranks of the stinkies (sheesh what bit**). I am confrontational when necessary and after the party, would have asked her why she disrespected my wishes. Let the chips fall where they may after that.

That said, she owes you an apology. If she values your friendship, she will make sincere apologies. If she does, I hope it was a moment of stupidity on her part and she owns up to it.  If you choose to keep her in your circle of friends after that, just be cautious of her and you've learned a valuable lesson.

Hugs and try not to think on it too hard. 

Quote from: pink_cotton on October 28, 2015, 03:33:22 AM
Recently, my "best friend" invited me to a party with about 40 people (I didn't know anyone there).

I knew something was wrong the minute I walked through the front door. There were a lot of guys staring and snickering at me. When I asked my "best friend" what was going on, she explained that she told everyone at the party that I was transsexual. 

I was completely shocked because I have asked her in the past to keep my personal business to herself. She just shrugged and spent most of her time hanging out with her other friends. Further into the evening, she even said to one of her other friends: "I love this girl" (referring to her other friend...not me). She said this right in front of my face. I have known her for almost 20 years now, and she has never said those words to me.

After the party was over, I left and sat in my car for about 30 minutes sobbing. I have known her for almost 20 years and consider her my "best friend", but I realized that night that she doesn't feel the same way. She doesn't even consider me a girl.

Should I dump her as a friend and move on with my life?

I don't like drama, and I don't really want to confront her about how I feel.

Just move on.  Don't confront.  Just don't chase either.