Quote from: BunnyBee on October 23, 2015, 12:36:23 AM
Trans Lifeline can be reached at 877-565-8860. For LGBT youth (ages 24 and younger) contemplating suicide, the Trevor Project Lifeline can be reached at 1-866-7386. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 can also be reached 24 hours a day by people of all ages and identities.

I didnt say that i want jump from the roof right now. But sucide would be sometime a logical future step to me. I need an FFS but dont have the money. I need a hair transplant too. Even with saving money i will need years. It all makes no sense to me. I lost so much friends, my band, my partner ... HRT failed ... i lost more then i won.

Sorry you feel so much hopelessness , I wish I had answers , But I don't . I was lucky in that I've gotten to a better place. I wish my breasts were bigger, my face was more feminine , my hips were bigger, etc. I don't have any money either and live basically on the threshold of poverty. I am lucky though that my breasts have grown a bit and my face has changed even though I wish it were a lot more. The thing is my mental state is so much better. I so remember one day back around 1970 I was sitting next to a girl I knew and she pulled out her estrogen pills and I thought about  grabbing them and running Its probably part of why I'm happy just being on estrogen because it took so long to get here. I really hope you can find a way to be happy.

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QuoteSo honestly let it all out, what do you really think about being trans?

Together with many other things, it is a part of who and what I am.
It offers me opportunities and creates challenges, it makes me contemplate life, society, gender, sex, happiness, purpose, duty, freedom, limits, friendship and love.
Being trans has given me both the chance and the responsibility to choose between extremely different paths, to make decisions with huge consequences.
It has made me find my willpower and realize that I can overcome seemingly insurmountable adversity.
I have found a happiness through my new life and my new body that is unknown to cis people who just take it for granted.

Magically changing me so that I would never have been trans would take all that away from me, and I would not exist as the person I am.
There was and still is much pain and grief in my life, but I would not change a single thing.

the only thing I regret is not transitioning in 1st grade.

I wish I could have transitioned before puberty but I couldn't.  That would have been a whole other life.  Would it have been better or worse?  I don't know.  I can imagine it being either way.

But other than the passing thought I don't dwell on that.  It's an unknown past that cannot be recovered.  And other than the dysphoria.my life has been pretty good.  I have done things and been places most others only dream of. 

My therapist asked how I would feel about a male past if I transitioned.  I replied I would feel about it just as I feel about it now.  It's mine, not to be forgotten or hidden away.  All of those things in life contribute to who I am just as much as the ever present dysphoria.  So, I am me, unique and unlike anyone else.  :-)


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Quote from: stephaniec on October 25, 2015, 02:32:15 PM
Sorry you feel so much hopelessness , I wish I had answers , But I don't . I was lucky in that I've gotten to a better place. I wish my breasts were bigger, my face was more feminine , my hips were bigger, etc. I don't have any money either and live basically on the threshold of poverty. I am lucky though that my breasts have grown a bit and my face has changed even though I wish it were a lot more. The thing is my mental state is so much better. I so remember one day back around 1970 I was sitting next to a girl I knew and she pulled out her estrogen pills and I thought about  grabbing them and running Its probably part of why I'm happy just being on estrogen because it took so long to get here. I really hope you can find a way to be happy.

I had SRS now and the left hope was gone with that. Not because the result - its excellent, whenever a painfull experience until 2 month postOP for now - but i hoped the get a better hormone status after that. In summary i need CPA (Androcur) like the years before. Thats really hard - maybe ive to take that poison for a lifetime. I'm really angry about the whole body development. Sometimes it makes me more angry, and more angry. I had 3 surgeries and hate my body. It makes no sense to me at all to. Ive a ship - and my transsexuality is directing it against the next iceberg.