Im glad there are people who get and understand what Im about to say. So many just would call me crazy or a freak if they knew.

I hate dressing in boys clothes although I usually wear mostly neatural stuff but still it sucks. When I go to work I have to dress as boyish. Well except for underneath but ya. Im trying to get it changed but it's painful and uncomfortable. If Im home, Im always dressed in girls clothes but it sucks and it's painful to have to dress in boys clothes and play this part like some movie role that is not you.

Like today in 2 hours, I have to work and so yup boys clothes well except for underneath. The thought of it hurts and Im not even there. It seems so unfair and this was one of many that made me realize years back that Ive been a girl all this time.

This therapist I knew several years ago knew I liked the topic of transgender. I spoke of that when I was 5 that for halloween, my mom dressed me up as a girl. He asked me did that make me uncomfortable? I didnt remember it much but I know it didnt. I didnt want to answer him but ya it's boys clothes that are my problem.

At my sister's wedding back in 2005, all the guys wore suit and tie. I told my mom and dad that I refuse to wear it. They had no idea I was a girl. They asked would you wear some nice jacket over a shirt and I said ya I would. The shirt was neutral like something tomboyish and the jacket was boyish a bit but I made a promise I would. It still was difficult.

Ive heard people say dumb stuff like about people like me "Do you get aroused wearing panties?" and I want to ask them, "do socks make you horny?". It's annoying and insulting to me. Im a girl, hence I want to look like a girl and dress like a girl.

Its funny but as a guy whenever I dressed as a girl (in my apt) I felt more at ease. I guess my body was in synch w/ my mind. When my Therapist informed me that I was to dress & act as a girl for 4-6 months, I wanted to hug her! It did feel abit weird buying girls clothes. My GF Vikki went w/ me & you should have seen the salesgirls face when Vikki told her that the clothes weren't for her but for me. Vikki & I are the same height/weight. She looked like a deer in headlights. I didn't wear the clothes out of the store, tho I could have. My hair went past my collar & I was pretty much hairless. The day after my therapist told me, Vikki said that I couldn't borrow any of her clothes. I looked at her like I was a kicked puppy. She did ask if she could borrow some of my clothes I laughed at her. Day 1 of Operation Bridget I was nervous as hell. The day I had my appointment w/ my therapist, she did a double take & said that who ever helped me, did one heck of a job. Funny thing is that the 4 months just flew by. Now I look back dressing as a guy was a bit uncomfortable.     

I know the feeling pretty well.  I've just never really felt like myself when wearing guy's clothes.  In the past, when I was in denial about being trans, I dealt with it by trying to incorporate a bright color when dressing up.  I have the most awesome collection of men's neckties, and I am going to keep some of them and wear them after I fully transition.

Lately I do not like shlumping around in guy's Levi's and T shirts, and I don't like to wear a guy's T shirt unless I am wearing it over a bikini or short shorts.

I am okay though when I veer into androgynous territory.  Today for work I wore a pearl gray Italian cut business suit with a pale blue dress shirt and a light pink necktie, and I kind of liked that outfit.

Of course when I came home I went right into jeggings, a girls V neck T shirt over bra and panties, and felt a lot more comfortable.

I always hated clothes.  To minimize my interaction with them, I wore a uniform: tattered baggy black jeans, t-shirts of various ages and hole counts, and a black fleece vest.  I wore that uniform for about 20 years, since I was about 10 years old.  Then, I discovered women's clothes!

Nowadays, my entire wardrobe is clothes made for women, except for a few nice t-shirts.  I can actually dress boyish and survive these days, but I prefer not to.  What I can not do is wear my old uniform.  Three weeks ago, I put it on and tried to leave the house like that.  Couldn't even leave the bedroom.

I wanted so bad for it to be all about the clothes...because if it wasn't the clothes then....Oh God NO!!! I really did have to deal with this. As I have progressed with my acceptance and started to become more comfortable with myself it just seems natural that I should wear feminine clothing...most women, that I know, already do. Leggings and along top, pair of sandals...cool and comfy is my preference for home. 

I know the feeling about dressing up as a guy. I never wanted to. Ties, yuck. When you dress up as a guy you have no options no matter who you are and no matter how expensive or cheap the clothes are it always boils down to dress shirt, dress pants, dress shoes, tie, suit jacket. Always so bland. Meanwhile women have a range of options from skirts and dresses to what kind of shoes they want to wear to how to fix their hair and makeup. I like those options much better. 

I feel awkward dressed as a dude, I've been helping out a friend with some construction for the past 2 months and have to dress in boy mode to do it, I feel like I'm wearing a costume and I'm totally uncomfortable doing it. I get back home at the end of the day, hop in the shower do my make-up get dressed and spend the last few hours of the day as myself.
I admit, it feels kinda silly getting all dolled up to watch the news by myself, but hey at least I'm happy

can't wait til I can get back to just being me

xox, Candi

I feel the same way that it's a costume. It's something I feel forced to do and than I feel like Im helping this false image of who I am keep going on which is hurting me inside. What's worse is when for some reason and this rare, I feel more like a guy and the dysphoria is worse there cause and Ive mentioned, I know I have a girl brain so to feel like a guy is not only offensive but actually hurts worse and I feel sometimes disoriented when this happens. That's pain worse for me than the clothes thing.

I look at girls and they ya have all these things they wear while guys have the most dull clothes. A shirt and jeans everyday gets boring. Some would call me crazy but I just want to be me. Im not a boy, I never was and I never want to be. Im a girl forever and sometimes it's so tough when testosterone and ya having a male body gets in the way. Id just love to show the world the real me.

Not too long ago i came to the realization that my guy mode was just a facade. I knew this was true but couldnt accept it. Ever since that epiphany, it is difficult to put the guy mode back on. I end up forcing myself back in but like everyone else, as soon as i can I'm back in female mode. I too feel awkward dressed as a guy... it's just not my style. I watch all the women around me and wish i could be dressed like them. Cute shoes, boots, outfits... heck even talking about girl stuff. I'm sure we all feel your pain!

I have been on HRT for almost two months now and it's a whole new world. I see things different and feel different. My body is changing making me desire to wear more form fitting clothing. Since i'm not out at work yet i need to conceal my body. This makes it a little easier to do guy mode... but it still sucks. Guess this is just something that us aspiring woman have to deal with. We are special and incredibly unique. Our strength lies in our ability to deal with these trials and be reborn happier and more balanced.

Stay strong hun.

Quote from: AmandaDanielle on November 22, 2015, 06:53:21 PM
...Our strength lies in our ability to deal with these trials and be reborn happier and more balanced...

it's so wonderful to read the posts/threads here and see others put into words what I've felt for years

xox, Candi

Yesterday was awful with feeling in boy mode and I felt uncomfortable to beyond sick. To feel like a boy completely for a bit and dressed like a boy is like a really dark feeling for me. It's like you are someone else, not you and you cant get out as you feel like the wrong someone if that makes sense. I hated it and luckily it went away. Today has been way easier since I feel like me, a girl. It way easier to be able to become who I am than feel trapped and unable to be me at all even in the slightest.

I know how you feel and trust me im tired of some people having this image of us like we are all freaks. I am a decent woman!




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and they also do not understand at all what it's like. Ive been taking being a girl in steps to be myself yet there are people that insult people like me for just trying to be me. They go on Im going against god and jesus and Im a sin. Since God and Jesus made me a girl inside, how would I be a sin? I have no idea why I was given a boy body and testosterone but have a girls brain but I know Im not a sin, a freak or anything. Im just trying to be me an Im not hurting anyone.