Tonight was the first time I have been out in public presenting female. I have been to peoples houses and that sort of thing but never in Public.

I wrote a post a few days asking for advice and thought long and hard about the responses which all amounted to similar advice. Head up, be proud, be confident, be yourself...all fantastic advice. I still feel like it is going to really test me but nothing is stopping me from going. So I am all but ready to get dressed and the Dysphoria starts and I am thinking Oh great so much for confidence and poise. I kind of expected it though. After about 5 minutes my pulse is racing , I am having heart palpitations my stomach feels like an electric beater set on insane speed and I am still standing there in my towel. So I push on all the time fighting those hideous feelings. Then a totally unexpected and remarkable thing  happens...

Like someone flipping a switch and I am calm, 2/3 dressed and calm. I finished dressing and putting on jewellery, brushed out my wig, my wife did my makeup for me...and she was just fine about it all, said she was honestly Ok with doing my make up and seeing me presenting fully female and she surprised herself how little she was bothered. 

Into the car and I am expecting the nerves to start to get the better of me, but this was not to be and by the time we got to the venue (my wife driving) I was having a lovely time and really looking forward to the night. I never once consciously thought about passing not on the way nor while I was there. I thought more about the advice I was given and applied it when I got to the venue.

I felt really comfortable, I was not anxious or nervous...I had fun, I could feel myself relax into Sarah with ease. I really did surprise myself just how at ease I was. Why should I really be surprised at all, presenting female agrees with my Psyche...well go figure eh! It will not be long before I am out again

My wife was like a rock to me all afternoon and helped me through the dysphoria stuff. She just wanted me to be happy and comfortable. She dropped me into town at the venue then picked me up again in a couple of hours, She did my makeup talking to me the whole time making suggestions as to how to Improve certain areas. She was nothing short of a legend and I love her.

Sarah T

Sarah, that is so fantastic.  I'm happy to hear you had fun and felt confident.  As for your wife, that woman is priceless!  Make sure she gets diamonds or maybe flowers.

Hugs,
Bev

I'm so glad that your first time out in public went so well and that your wife is so accepting and helpful. It sounds like you had a wonderful time!

Quote from: BeverlyAnn on November 21, 2015, 08:54:39 AM
Sarah, that is so fantastic.  I'm happy to hear you had fun and felt confident.  As for your wife, that woman is priceless!  Make sure she gets diamonds or maybe flowers.

Hugs,
Bev

Unfortunately no diamonds but plenty of TLC and a bit of pampering if required. You are so right she is a Gem. Sher has come such a long way in a short time. I have been impatient but when I look back at how far she has come in such a short time I astounded. She said to me when she was driving to the venue she expected to feel a "odd" with me presenting female. However she said it didn't bother her in the slightest and she was quite surprised and relieved by this. So good for her Psyche as well.

Sarah T

Great to hear! try to follow it up fairly soon with another outing, one that might stretch the boundaries just a little more, then another and another. Make sure you feel safe but also try to push yourself a little bit further each time.

Quote from: Christy76 on November 21, 2015, 08:57:53 AM
I'm so glad that your first time out in public went so well and that your wife is so accepting and helpful. It sounds like you had a wonderful time!

I did have a great time overall. As I said the thing that surprised me the most was how relaxed I was. It made such a difference because I was able to enjoy being me without having to police what I was feeling. In the past even venturing to someone else's place, I would have been way more of a "cot case" than I was last night.

When I think about it, feeling so at ease with myself whilst presenting female in public should not have been difficult or a chore. I understand that being anxious or nervous about being in public is perfectly natural, but for me, If I had not been so relaxed in femme mode, I would have been surprised and then alarmed. In fact upon reflection I felt like I was still holding back and certainly not letting that part of me have free range.

Quote from: Ms Grace on November 22, 2015, 04:22:48 AM
Great to hear! try to follow it up fairly soon with another outing, one that might stretch the boundaries just a little more, then another and another. Make sure you feel safe but also try to push yourself a little bit further each time.

That is a great idea...keep the momentum going...I will have to have a look and see where my options lie in that respect...thanks for the suggestion

Sarah T

Quote from: sarahtokes on November 22, 2015, 04:28:58 AM...see where my options lie...

My first time out (for my second transition) was to see my gender therapist. It involved walking to the train station (through a busy shopping mall) and catching two trains. It was quite exhilarating and after I saw the counsellor I decided to stay in girl mode to catch the train into work where I then changed. The next week I actually had three nights in a row... first was to a trans themed talk by Chaz Bono and Kate McGregor at a large theatre in Newtown, second was a friend's art show in at small but very crowded gallery in Glebe and the third was diner with other trans and cis women at a fairly busy RSL (none of whom I'd met in person before). Each night raised it's own challenges and hurdles and fears but I had a great time once I worked through that. I think diving right back in made a real difference. Within a few weeks I was going out in girl mode regularly and it started to feel second nature.

That is wonderful news, Sarah.  I'm so happy things are going well for you.