Thank you all for your kind comments and support. Juliett, that cat video was hilarious. Thank you!

I'm off to see my therapist in a couple of hours. I'm really looking forward to it. I have so many things to unload, 1 hour won't be nearly enough time.

Jayne

Quote from: Jayne01 on November 22, 2015, 02:03:19 PM
Katie, I don't want to transition. I REALLY don't want to transition. I want to be a normal guy without the dysphoria clouding my mood every day. I'm trying to make it work and continue to fail. It seems so unfair to the people I know and love, especially my wife, for them to have to change their lives just so I can satisfy my needs. Everybody knows the male me and nothing else. To come out and say hey everyone guess what, I'm not really a guy, I'm actually a girl in the wrong body. It seems really selfish on my part to expect people to just accept me because I suddenly (in their eyes anyway) I decided I wanted to be a girl. It seems to me a better option would be for me to learn to accept myself just as I am. That is male body with a female identity. I don't have any right to hurt the ones I love for my own selfish needs. I mean if I identified as a dog, I wouldn't be getting K-9 hormones (if there is such a thing) to turn myself into a dog, so why should this be any different? Right? I'm not sure what point I'm trying to make here. I just finished working a night shift and my brain is a little gooey!

Jayne

I didn't want to transition either. Maybe because I put it off for so long and didn't ask for any help I was only able to get through most of my 20s putting it off. All I know is I've said the exact same words to myself countless times since I first gave up hope of being a girl at age 6.
They are YOUR loved ones and you aren't a cuckoo, or an alien or a dog transplanted into their lives. They love you as well, and with that comes the hope that you can be the best of yourself and happiest you can be with them.
The reason I transitioned is because I wanted the people I love to get to know all of me, the real me. Not the flattering side of me I pose in for face value relationships, the good and the bad. I can't live your life, nor do I want to devalue the choices of those not transitioning, but make sure your choices aren't based on assumptions. If you're a person of discerning taste, I'm guessing you typically don't surround yourself with and love jerks. Being trans doesn't rob the people you care about of the person they care about. You are still the same person, with the same history and the same experiences, you are just more open and hopefully happier and more accepting of yourself.
I'm not saying coming out is necessary for everyone, but being in the closet makes me claustrophobic and full of anxiety. You need to find ways of truly expressing yourself in safe places in order to let some of the wind out of the sails of your dysphoria. Maybe ask your therapist if you can present during your sessions and change into drab after?


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: Obfuskatie on November 24, 2015, 07:13:29 PM
I didn't want to transition either. Maybe because I put it off for so long and didn't ask for any help I was only able to get through most of my 20s putting it off. All I know is I've said the exact same words to myself countless times since I first gave up hope of being a girl at age 6.
They are YOUR loved ones and you aren't a cuckoo, or an alien or a dog transplanted into their lives. They love you as well, and with that comes the hope that you can be the best of yourself and happiest you can be with them.
The reason I transitioned is because I wanted the people I love to get to know all of me, the real me. Not the flattering side of me I pose in for face value relationships, the good and the bad. I can't live your life, nor do I want to devalue the choices of those not transitioning, but make sure your choices aren't based on assumptions. If you're a person of discerning taste, I'm guessing you typically don't surround yourself with and love jerks. Being trans doesn't rob the people you care about of the person they care about. You are still the same person, with the same history and the same experiences, you are just more open and hopefully happier and more accepting of yourself.
I'm not saying coming out is necessary for everyone, but being in the closet makes me claustrophobic and full of anxiety. You need to find ways of truly expressing yourself in safe places in order to let some of the wind out of the sails of your dysphoria. Maybe ask your therapist if you can present during your sessions and change into drab after?


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hi Katie. Thanks. That was some really kind and thoughtful things to say. My therapist has no problem if I was to present during sessions. She has already mentioned that other patients of hers do exactly that. I haven't even seen myself fully dressed. I wouldn't even know how to pick an outfit. I am very fashion challenged

My wife and I are both going to see a therapist together tomorrow. Not the same person I see. This one actually does couples counselling where one person is trans. Looking forward to it, but also a little nervous.

I really don't know if transition is for me. I honestly don't know know what the right answer is for me. I'll get there eventually. It's a slow process I guess.

Jayne

Quote from: Jayne01 on November 23, 2015, 03:36:58 PM
Thank you all for your kind comments and support. Juliett, that cat video was hilarious. Thank you!

I'm off to see my therapist in a couple of hours. I'm really looking forward to it. I have so many things to unload, 1 hour won't be nearly enough time.

Jayne

Hi Jayne How did you go at with your Therapist?

Hi Sarah, thanks for asking. I don't really want to go into details other than to say it went very well. She is a very good therapist and really cares. I am lucky to have her treating me. I always leave her office feeling much better.

Jayne

Quote from: Jayne01 on November 25, 2015, 04:16:05 AM
Hi Sarah, thanks for asking. I don't really want to go into details other than to say it went very well. She is a very good therapist and really cares. I am lucky to have her treating me. I always leave her office feeling much better.

Jayne

No details needed Jayne glad to hear it went well... 

Hi there!

I have something positive to add to my own request to hear something positive!

Yesterday my wife and I went shopping together to find some female clothes for me. Neither of us like shopping, but we shopped for over 6 hours (which is completely unheard of) and had a great time. My wife was absolutely incredible. She was helping me pick out stuff asking me whether I liked this or that, like buying female clothes for your husband is the most normal thing in the world. I was a bit uneasy at first. I was feeling a bit inferior and inadequate as a man, but that feeling soon passed and we really had slot of fun. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would have fun shopping for clothes!!! I was quite happy to go into store after store looking for something I liked. I look forward to doing it again.

Jayne

Hi Jayne,

My therapist recommended I share my difficulty coping and impulsive suicide attempts with my doctor. I put that off for a long time. It got to the point I shared with my doctor. I am on medication (non-habit forming) now for depression. The medication has made a significant difference. I still get depressed, have difficult occasions and have very bad GD but I can get out of severe depression better. I also take a sleep aid ( I have secondary insomnia) which is a significant help. 

I have very bad self hate. I hope to some day be myself 100% and forgive myself and I am making continuous progress. What I have found are the words I AM. I AM transsexual. I AM female. I AM a good person, I AM going to do X to express my gender.

I hope this helps.

Hi Rachel, (I've been following one of your threads and you now go by Rachel, right)

Thank you for your post. I haven't seen my doctor about any depression medication. My attempt was never a true attempt. I don't even know what it was. Practice?? I don't know. I did make a promise to myself that if start feeling that way again that I would go see my doctor. My wife is always my first thought and for me she is the best kind of medication. I know I have been feeling down lately, but after our little shopping spree yesterday, I feel really good. I mean REALLY good. I think my depressed mood was a combination of a death in the family, missing my wife's family ( they are on the other side of the world and I really love them) and having to postpone my therapy session for a few weeks due to the death.

Don't hate yourself. I have read some of your early posts and you seem to be in a much much better place now. You seem to be doing what you need to do to be happy. That takes courage.

Take care.

Jayne