Hi Everybody

My Girlfriend has been through a lot in life and has begun her transition this year in February 2015.

She has had the colon version of the M2F surgery and the results are not as she was expecting.

After the surgery she has fallen into a heavy state of depression and cannot seem to accept that her body will never be "fully" a woman's body. I accept her fully and love her unconditionally but it seems that the struggles she has been through in life has taken too much of her life essence. She used to be a very driven person always defying anyone who tells her she cannot do something. I just want to find out a few things from someone who has had this surgery done and how I can help her get over her  complex with her body or at least learn to live with it. Before then let me just give a quick description of her journey.

When she was 19 she realized that she was not gay but was simply trapped in the wrong body. She decided to start living fully as a female at the age of 22 where she has been constantly struggling with the world never giving her a gap. a Few guys have attempted to rape her but only got to touching her in different stages, but usually started beating her up when they found out she had a penis. Well the penis is gone now and the hurt remains.

The Dr she has been seeing is apparently one of the best in this field globally and I cannot seem to agree.

He told her the surgery is in three stages.

Stage 1 Removal
Stage 2 Make a hole
Stage 3 Make the clitoris

She is now at stage two of this process and has anyone had a similar process??
There is a rather large gap of skin between where her clitoris now sits and where the cavity starts ( 6cm) where it is just remaining skin from what i think to be her scrotum. Will this be fixed in phase 3?? will her cavity and clit be joined again?

The point is she doesnt even want to do the last surgery because she wants to die. I do not know what to do??

Help please!!!!

This is our conversation we had this morning.

She said to me. -> Even if they get my body 80%. It's still 80%, I can still not get children, will never be able to masturbate, my hands will always looks big, I will always have wide shoulders, a big face and never get my childhood back, my voice will always be no good, my vagina does not feel or lubricate right. Everything is a mess and I do not have the will to fight this any longer.

Please help me somebody. I love her with all my heart but I do not know how to help her.!!!!!!

Hi - welcome to the forum. I am very sorry to hear that your girlfriend is going through these feelings. I don't know much about the colon version of the surgery but I had thought it all happened in the one operation and that there were no 'stages'. Hopefully someone who has had this process will give you some facts into the matter.

Surgery is as much about realistic expectations of results as it is about the results themselves. Regardless of the process, surgery will not give us "the body of a genetic woman", and it seems she is struggling this realisation and it is making her very depressed and should really be seeing a therapist or a psychologist for treatment.

Dear Jacques,

Thank you so much for loving your girl friend, she needs you.

I have to admit that I have not heard of this surgical technique. It seems a little odd.

I am, she is, a woman. My genitals, her genitals do not define me, or her.

No. I can never be a cisfemale and sadly neither can she.

That is life.

My partner will never walk again. That is life.

How do we deal with these tragedies?

First we recognise them as things we cannot change. We accept what we have and decided to live.

For so many of us that needs psychological support to overcome our traumatic stress.

It is real and it is horrible and crippling.

You GF needs psychiatric help, no she is not mentally ill, no she is not strange. She needs help to overcome her fears.

So many of us do.

How do you deal with this? It will wear you down. But you need to be strong, take her horror, love her and guide her to the help she needs.

Maybe even setting up an appointment and going with her to the therapist.

If she is threatening self injury, call a counselling suicide help line immediately.
We are here for you and her.

Thanks for all your warm messages.

It is hard but I am not that easily worn down . But the longer we leave it the more it builds up deep inside her and she starts to be a very hateful person which is not who she is. I am still doing very okay, all I have to stress about is getting her through this.

She does not want to see a therapist, I need to find the right words to convince her. You woman ey

I will keep whomever is interested updated. But please if anyone knows of the surgery being done this way please respond as well!!

my personal opinion given the situation and the causes I would say you should try hard to convince her  for her own health to seek out professional therapy.

I always thought that surgery was done was done in a single operation too; - or at least that was the way that transwomen I used to know had it done.  Something that does come to mind though is has your GF had her hormone levels checked and her HRT adjusted after surgery because everything changes once the testicles are gone.  I remember my mood being all over the place after I had my orchie until my HRT was adjusted.