I'm MTF, pre-everything except therapy and a blood test at the moment, but starting hormones later this week. Lately I've been stuck on a sort of psychological block. I want to see a makeup artist who has experience with transgender make-overs, but I'm terrified of going because I look, and act, too male to be taken seriously. I'm scared to tell certain friends I'm transgender because I'm afraid they won't believe me. I'd like to go to local support groups, but the thought of identifying as MTF while I look like a somewhat slovenly middle-aged man holds me back.

I know this is kind of ridiculous. There's nobody out there to give me permission to do any of these things, and I don't need them anyway. But the fear is real.

I don't even really know what I'm looking for out of this post. Just a place to vent, probably. Maybe hormones will help, or maybe I'll just get up and go to a support group anyway.

Has anyone else dealt with this sort of thing? It seems a little different than the fear of going out dressed... the opposite, in fact.

I know how you feel. I was the same way until I'd been on hormones for about 6 months. Then, I started to realize that it didn't matter anymore. There were plenty of women I'd met that acted very manly out of growing up with lots of brothers, or other reasons undisclosed. I'd also met women that (I hate to say this about anyone) were quite manly looking and unkempt. Nobody questions their womanhood, and most likely no one would question yours. This allowed me to love myself as a beautiful person, no matter what others say/think. I may not always think I look very good, but it's not anything that rules my life anymore. I believe it takes most trans women time to get to this point. For some it's a month after hormones. Others, it's a year after. Be patient and move at your own pace. Confidence comes eventually. Then, the world is yours!


~Evelyn

I have seen a mtf in youtube, changed from a gigantic fat man, slimming up, have hair removal, and to very pass as a female finally, and seems having a job as a female fashion model post op. I forgot the name of the video but strongly remembered it.

Is it a great change? Yes but who will know the result finally? It is all about faith.

In the past, I also thought that I am too masculine, a high school team soccer player, mountain biking, hair loss, face too thin like a bony man. But after hormone, it changes a lot if you are still young. And after changing, you can start to come out to your friend. But I'd hide until I got somewhat more feminine. At that time I started to learn how to dress more feminine. This costs me 2 years to do, but finally I am passing as a female in HK and recently also in Japan (you know Japanese girl is really really feminine).

I think is only your faith. Stay strong and believe yourself, changes come.

Yes is very painful during the process, discrimination and all other things, but finally you will become stronger and stronger.

Have faith and confidence, good luck.

We all start somewhere, just make a viable plan, and be realistic with your goals. Best wishes

Hi:

Your angst is sooo familiar . . . my therapist encouraged me to see a make up artist and I really wanted to, but it was very early on, and I hadn't started HRT yet though it was coming.  I was just in a tizzy about this for weeks, and I finally made the appointment.

WOW, IT WAS GREAT!  I did another three sessions with the guy, he was incredible, and I learned a lot.  Truly, you'll be fine and whomever you see is the business of doing make up and makeovers.  (Oh, that reminds me that I also did two full make overs as well at a studio that catered to MTFs - so much fun once I did it.)

This is one of those thangs some of us just have to do . . . I really recommend you do it.  You'll be totally surprised at how great the experience can be.

Take care, take pictures, and stay in touch,

Rachel

I've been thinking about this a bit lately. I think that many of us, even if we came to understand that we're trans late, feel so hollow and false before we start transition that we develop a habit of looking for outside validation. We don't feel authentic or really love ourselves. Even after we begin that's a hard habit to break with the pressures we tend to be under.

Quote from: pogo on December 01, 2015, 11:09:05 PM
I'd like to go to local support groups, but the thought of identifying as MTF while I look like a somewhat slovenly middle-aged man holds me back.

My local support groups have a number of people who have not started medical transition and look entirely like their assigned gender.  I don't know if that's true of all T support groups, but IMHO that's kind of the point (well, one point) of T support groups -- to support people who feel trans or feel they might be trans, regardless of whether they've started (external) transition (or ever intend to.)  If they make you feel like you don't belong because you don't look femme enough (or at all) or aren't "doing it right,", whatever they mean by that, the problem is with them, not with you.

BTW, if you are "feminine spectrum", it's quite possible that once you start adding feminine elements to your presentation or even experimenting with it, you'll feel less like presenting as a "somewhat slovenly middle-aged man."  I definitely look like a fat, balding aging guy regardless of how I'm dressed, but now that I spend more time dressing in my version of a feminine manner, I am taking a lot more care with my presentation.

I traveled a lot back when I thought I was a ->-bleeped-<-. While I was visiting San Francisco to do a trade show, I popped into a wig shop. I found someone who would help me select a wig, get it styled, and show me some make up tips. It was a life changing event. It helped me go from getting clocked every time I went out to passing nearly fully before I transitioned at work.

So... go do something for yourself. I don't know where you might go, but it is very worthwhile. You'll see a new you. It's also something you can do without making any permanent changes.

Cindi

Thanks, everyone. I'm still trying to build up the courage to go to support groups and make-up artists, but it helps to know other people went through this.

It's hard to tell where feeling too masculine ends and social anxiety begins... I skipped a really big, probably fun work party last night just because I couldn't deal with people right then.

In the meantime, hormones are at least making me feel a lot better day-to-day.

Quote from: kittenpower on December 01, 2015, 11:40:16 PM
We all start somewhere, just make a viable plan, and be realistic with your goals. Best wishes

This is darn good advice. Have you checked out the Before & After threads on this forum? Many (if not most) of us felt the same way starting out.

If you're wanting to see a trans make-up/makeover specialist don't you think they would love to work with anyone who comes through their door??

Don't tell your friends until you feel ready to tell them.

Trans support groups have people from all stages of transition and across the spectrum - if it is a good group they will be non-judgemental and supportive.

Pogo I did the exact same thing with my work party today. I preferred to stay home dressed femme and watch movies and nap with my girlfriend over going to my works Christmas party. It was definitely for the same reason, just not wanting to or not being able to handle being around people. You're not the only one, I'd guess for both of us it is a lot of social anxiety, which had before I even had a thought that I might be trans. Now sometimes it feels like they may work together to keep me home and occasionally from seeing my friends. I can only imagine that this is already part of the journey.  Just know you're not alone. I think we'll both get there someday.


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