first post, and upset. through my work insurance i met with a gender therapist. and they told me that I'm just confused, citing  carl jung(sp?). they also,said i can't be female because i have lost my hair. and that shows I'm not female. which after thinking about this is just ridiculous. *cries*.

i look in the mirror and i see a man. an ugly one.  i have tried on wigs and i liked what i saw

I'm not sure what to do anymore.

Definitely seek a second opinion - and don't doubt your feelings. Your therapist can quote Jung all they want but they're still wrong.

The hair thinning thing sounds even more ridiculous when you remember that sometimes cis females experience hair thinning from anything from naturally high testosterone levels or malnutrition. No one tells them that they can't be women!

Sweetie, you need to see a different therapist.  You can't be female because of androgenic alopecia?    That is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. There are cis-women who suffer from the same condition.

Second point is that being confused doesn't mean you are not transgender.  Confusion comes with the territory.  I thought I must not really be transgender since I didn't "know I was a girl since since I was a child."  The evolution of our gender dysphoria is often complex and confusing, and can easily manifest itself in other ways, typically cross-dressing, or confusion about sexual orientation.

Lastly, I will say I agree that we are all a mix of male and female.  Society demands we fix on one or the other, and most preferably the one that "corresponds" with your biological sex, but as you have discovered, gender identity is more fluid than most people care to admit.

You have come to the right place to talk about these things! 

With kindness,

Terri

Welcome to Susan's Place. I am post surgical 33 year and I have both male and female in me. Most people do but it's a question of which one dominates the other. In my case, the female side dominated and the treatment for me was to become a woman.

I had a therapist who once said I was to masculine to become a woman. I ended up leaving that therapist for a therapy group where I was able to transition and for the first time in my life find happiness. In therapy it is possible to have a therapist where treatment isn't working. If that's the case, fire your therapist and find another even if you have to pay for it with your own money. Staying with a hostile therapist will do little more than cause you additional damage and you have already received enough because of your feelings.

I think what you feel is real and needs treatment with a good therapist. If you can't find one, provide the name of a large city near you and possibly some of the other members can help you.

Take care because there is help for you that's far better than what you just received. If you have questions for me, just post to this thread and I will see them.


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RUN far away. I'm surprised your "therapist" didn't try to exorcize you.

definitely time for another therapist.

Sndz like this therapist has gender issues! Specifically ignorance.

They don't sound like a gender therapist. I would seek out another therapist. They clearly lack the training to help you. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: mickey.megan on November 22, 2015, 08:41:32 AM
first post, and upset. through my work insurance i met with a gender therapist. and they told me that I'm just confused, citing  carl jung(sp?). they also,said i can't be female because i have lost my hair. and that shows I'm not female. which after thinking about this is just ridiculous. *cries*.

i look in the mirror and i see a man. an ugly one.  i have tried on wigs and i liked what i saw

I'm not sure what to do anymore.

That therapist is an idiot. You need to drop them, asap, and get in with a real gender therapist and not some crummy, moronic shrink like this one.

I mean, to use the hair loss issue you're facing as an excuse to try and explain away your transsexuality is straight bs. Lots of cis women lose they hair! >.< I got an auntie who got lupus like me. She's as cis as ever and she gotta wear wigs cause lupus made some of her hair fall out. But what the heck does hair loss have to do with gender? 

If I was you, I would have asked, "how come there are cis women who can have facial hair? " and walked out of the office never to return.

~Nixy~

P.S. Do you have a way of obtaining an accredited list of resources in search of trans support like with support groups, gender therapists, endocrinologists and/or gynecologists? I think Susans has some. Maybe check out the "Support" section of this forum and see what you can find. Good luck on your journey to finding out who you really are and not who society says you are. I am still on that journey myself. Barely scratched the surface but I'm still chuggin' on through like The Little Engine That Could...

~Nixy~

NO therapist has any business telling you that you are or are not transgender. Only you can know this. Good therapists understand this, and know that their job is to help you figure it out.

Fire this therapist and find a better one.

Ditto what everyone else says. Drop the therapist. And do any potential future clients a favor and report the therapist to their board and to your  insurance provider.
What they said is just wrong, wrong, wrong.

Quote from: iKate on November 22, 2015, 10:41:26 AM
RUN far away. I'm surprised your "therapist" didn't try to exorcize you.

DITTO

I felt I should have been a girl since like age 4

I started loosing my hair at 14

One has nothing to do with the other. This so called "Gender" therapist is NOT a gender therapist. Aside from perhaps having a gender and some very antiquated views on GD

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,195129.msg1740788.html#msg1740788

This is a letter from an accepting dad who seems to have more knowledge...

you might look for a supportive therapist.
A person you have a feeling you can trust and they can help you along the way.
Not bringing up confusion.
They should help you come to a feeling of inner knowing and a feeling of joy.


*hugs*

How did this therapist get a license to practice?  What an idiot.  Go find a real "gender" therapist who understands what you are going through.   Do not let this stop you!

I would send a letter of protest about this doctor to the insurance company and ask for the ability to select a doctor off the policy that is capable of treating you. Indicate your great displeasure with how you were treated.

In no way are you crazy. You were born with a birth defect in your brain and nothing medicine can do will correct it. The only solution to your problem is altering the exterior to conform to your brain. I did that 33 years ago and haven't had any more issues. Your solution might not be the same as mine but you need a gender therapist even if you have to pay for it out of your own pocket.

As for coming out, every case is different. When faced with the reality, people often go into shock, go silent or become confused. If they don't accept you, they may not be worth associating with but some people do come around given time. You will find many examples of people coming out on this site and if you have questions about doing it, feel free to ask as many of us have been through it.

As for how you feel, we have all been there. There is a cure and it will make what you feel go away. There is nothing like just being happy to be alive and even after all these years, I still feel that way.

Hi,

Late to the party......

I started going bald when I was 19.  I was almost a cue ball by 35.  My hair came back when I started estrogen.

Call your insurance company, ask for your therapist's qualifications.  She needs experience and training to work with transgender persons.  Based on your experience, she has no experience and no training.

Comming out is hard.  The more you delay, the worse it can get.  Wait ir not they will except you or they won't.  I was wrong about my family.  I thought they all would accept, none did.  I thought my wife would leave, our marriage is stronger.  I was just about as bad at work. 

In the end, it's your life.  Live it.

Hugs,

Jen

For therapists you could have a look here:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,162888.msg1400316.html#msg1400316

Sometimes therapists list things they have only done as a short course for example... to attract more people...
it might be advisable in general to ask:
-how they see their role
-how much experience with tg people they have


hugs

Quote from: mickey.megan on November 23, 2015, 12:57:57 PM
Thanks so I'm not crazy. seriously I have days where If it weren't for family I care about and have commitments to....

And to share I asked my insurance for a referral to a gender therapist, because I could find no body in plan. They called me back after a few days with this persons #.

right now I'm contemplating what to do and how to proceed.

Unfortunately, most(?) real gender therapist, and many others, seem to not take insurance. Bigger groups or clinics you'll do better. They are often listed by just the group name.

The easiest (subjective) way to find a good one is to find a local TG support group or contact a state/county TG organization for leads, then work your way down to the LGBT umbrella organizations for a referral. Ask about sliding scales. Plus look into what if anything your insurance will cover for out of network.

Of course, if you are near a big metro area there may be a gender clinic there. Perhaps part of some big LGBT clinic

The other easiest, with far less reliable results, is the Psychology Today doc find. There is a "gender issues" key for searching. Often times this seems to imply "yes, I had a course where it was mentioned once". So you have to do some homework, call the provider and ask specifically what sort of experience, how many trans clients etc..

BTW - I could never understand the point of massive "Comming Outs" if you are not really out or even sure of what the future is likely to be. Being trans does not equal Having to transition. It is a broad spectrum between cis-female and cis-male. Not binary. So don't sweat anything for a while yet untill after some time with a therapist, local TG support groups, and feeling your way through the darkness

Sounds like you have this issue figured out but yeah, I agree the therapist you saw definitely isn't a gender therapist. 

Someone in one of the support groups I used to go to said once that "If this is something you've even considered, it's real."  That always stuck with me.  Not necessarily saying that transition is the path everyone should take but there is definitely something that needs figured out and the feelings are 100% real.  My point being that if you've thought enough about this to seek out a therapist then it's real.  Saying some drivel about your hair being an indicator would be as ridiculous as if mine had said "Well, you can grow a beard......"  Yeah so?

If you haven't found someone yet, the way I found mine was just by googling "gender therapist" and my home city.  I got a few different sites but one in particular had a directory where you could search therapists by specialty.  Sorry, I can't remember the site by name but it was pretty high up on the search result list as I remember.

Hang in there, you'll find someone you can work with. 

Hugs,

~Meg

Quote from: mickey.megan on November 24, 2015, 05:43:48 PM


Though what is killing me right now is my STRONG desire to start laser hair removal..I feel like the clock is ticking on this one. How do I explain it to my partner that I want to remove my hair...with out coming out. :|

If you have a strong desire to start it then start it! Or look into it at least. It takes forever... also, starting it doesn't mean you have to transition or go further with anything either, it could just be something that you do for you that makes you feel good, feel better about yourself.

As for what to say about it w/o coming out: I went with, I hate shaving, I'm tired of it, and I hate facial hair, I want it gone so I never have to do it anymore. I'm not sure if my laser tech (didn't tell anyone else bout it for awhile) bought it or not, she did say lots of guys come in for some nowadays (was presenting male then), but did ask me about it again a few sessions later (after I was hooked, lol!), told her what was going on and that was it.

Could try that you're trying to save money from buying razors too. They cost a ton and if you are anything like me, I went thru em like crazy cuz I was a pretty hairy beast back then.