Hello everyone,

Just starting out here both on this site and on my long awaited journey.  Have some thoughts, reservations,  and questions...

Like most of you I'm a life long tgirl.  I married and have kids.  About 10 years ago I came out to my wife.  I thought I was going to proceed with transition at that time but didn't,  though I did take some steps such as a trachea shave,  and started self prescribed anti-adrogens (mostly Proscar - in retrospect was foolish but I did).  From that point my wife seemed to ignore it but more recently took exception when she found some of my clothing and confronted me with one of my kids (now only one of them is still in school).  So my family's aware.   It would have come out eventually anyway so I've made peace with that part of it.

Before this took place in my mind I was going to wait 2 years until my youngest was done with HS to begin HRT.  But with everything thats transpired and no longer having a sexual relationship with my wife I met with and endo dr (I've been seeing a gender counselor for a while).  Since I'm still living in my house I'd perfer not to exhibit any obvious signs of transitioning.  So the dr only prescribed me spiro which I have just started.   They said this would block the T and allow the natural estrogens to take some effect.

I'm trying to determine if this will provide me any benefit.  When I was on the anti-adrogens prior I'd say the impact was mixed.   It caused the sexual desire associated with transitioning to subside and relieved some of the anxiety.  But on the other end,  it really reduced the drive for everything.   Essentially I lost the urge to have sexual relations with my wife (being honest,  I never truely had innate attraction to women,  it was always more so an attraction to their femininity).   I felt like I was just caught somewhere inbetween and it was fairly depressing.

My questions:

Has anyone had similar experience?   Would you expect spiro to have a considerable different effect from the Proscar?

Would also be interested in feedback from anyone who has experienced or considered beginning transitioning while still living with family.

If anyone is still reading,  I'm sorry for the long rambling post.   I appreciate any feedback.

- Rebecca

I have never been on any of the blockers but the absence of T kills everything sexually related You can still enjoy sex but it becomes more of a logical decision than a drive. This is a can't have your cake and eat it type decision mostly. The exception is when HRT adds Progesterone to the mix. I like to refer to it as making you horny and hungry. My understanding is that the body convert Progesterone to T giving you some of your sex drive back.

As for transitioning with your family and HRT, the speed at which HRT alters your body varies from person to person. At 5 years I was about a AA cup size and could have passed in boy mode without binding. Others may be B or C cup after a couple of years.

Transitioning with the family is doable and you need to lay out your plan and stick to a no surprise rule. If you are going to start wearing skirts, warn them in advanced. If they are open minded they will accept you. If they aren't you will have to work out a solution that will vary depending on what you are up against.

The problem was that you had no sex hormones at all. You need enough estrogen when T is low to help with mood, energy and sex drive. I think enough estrogen should do the trick. Just my opinion. Often, however, not enough E is prescribed to compensate for the loss of T.

In my experience of one spiro along with estrogen and progesterone greatly reduced my sex drive.  If I had to rate it on a scale of 1 to 100 I started at 100 and now it's less than 10.  In my case I am ecstatic with that change.

I'm not sure if exactly the same thing happens with spiro alone.


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You need a sex hormone to prevent osteoporosis. The t-blocker will be ok for a while to see how it feels but it's not a long term solution without adding estrogen into the mix.

As far as libido goes - I am taking the usual HRT drugs and I'm living full time. When I first began HRT my already high libido went even higher and then eventually tanked. I'm also taking progesterone and that gave me the hungry part but not the horny part. I find now that sex is 95% a mental thing.

It's tough with a family to be your authentic self - I wish you well on your new journey.

There's so much you don't mention.

You say you came out to your wife ten years ago, but she "confronted you" with your female clothing, with one of your children!

Did you tell her you were a transvestite, when you came out to your wife, or did you tell her you were transgender?  What was her reaction?  Did you make some kind of deal, promising "not to do it again"?

If so, you're much to blame here.  If not, then your wife is really out of bounds, especially involving one of your children. That was totally inappropriate.  A wife and husband should deal with issues such as this as two adults, and not bring children into it to create emotionally-loaded scenes that are difficult to mitigate.

So does your wife know you are pursuing transition - seeing a therapist and endocrinologist? 

I'm sorry, dear, that I am giving you the third degree.  To answer your question, yes, spiro will help, but you need to start taking low dose estrogen for your health.  Having little or no sex hormones of some kind in your body is a bad thing. The physical signs of low-dose estrogen will be minimal.  Your libido will be gone, but it sounds like that is not a problem.  But it will stop the dysphoria, and help your peace of mind.

By the way, I am 58, with a wife and two kids of my own, so I can relate to your situation.  The only difference is I am separated.  But I didn't have any marital relations with my wife for a good two years before we separated, for some of the reasons you describe. I am taking spiro, Proscar, and transdermal estradiol.  Yes, the spiro has much more effect than Proscar as far as feminization, in my opinion.  You can get some gynecomastia from spiro.

With kindness,

Terri

I am 53 and started with a gender therapist about 3 years ago and HRT about 2.5 years ago. I am married and have an 18 year old daughter. My daughter is in college and comes home on weekends sometimes and on holidays and break.

My wife set a line in the sand and if I crossed the line it would result in divorce. Before I meet my wife I was incredibly lonely and isolated and had been most of my life. I meet her at age 29 and we married 2 weeks before my 31st birthday. I had found a wonderful person to share my life with. We had a child 5 years later. She is the joy of our lives.

I crossed the line. It was not a decision as much as a need. Each step I have done made me scared and yet when the fear decreased and my agency increased it felt good. In the last three weeks I came out at work, changed to my preferred name and express at work. It feels good or more correctly it feels right. So as a result of crossing the line my wife and I will divorce.

I have been on HRT for almost 2.5 years and I could pass as male at work. The last 3 years have been very difficult on my marriage and my wife read my posts on Susan's New Years Day. Perhaps that was the final straw. Knowing almost everything, except the most painful issues, about a person is not a good thing unless you are very accepting.

My sex drive now is low and that is a good thing.

Transition is a journey of self discovery some is good, some is wonderful and some is bad. HRT is just a part of the journey.

Wow,  I am taken back by all of the thoughtful and insightful responses...   As I mentioned I just joined this forum and I had no idea how informative it would be.   

If I'm gathering the feedback correctly,  it does not seem like a Spiro only dose is the best approach.   I would need some other hormone to replace what I'm losing.  And if that is the case then it is more likely there will be more noticable effects (though I understand it varies).

This makes sense,  not that it makes things any less complicated.   But I am going to follow up with the Endo dr and inquire further.  Honestly I just did not feel right about just taking the T blocker and I should have said so up front.

And Terri,  please understand I just gave the cliff-notes version of events.  My wife was aware 11 years ago.   She knew then when I had the trach procedure done and why.  But other than that for the most part I dressed when I traveled,  and from what she says,  she thought I was over it.   As far as making my kids aware,  she said that they had seen clothes in my closet and asked her why.   You would have had to try to look in my closet to find them and to be honest,  I still don't completely understand that part of it but it doesn't do me any good to dwell on it.  It would have come out eventually anyway.   As far as what she knows now,  yes she's aware of what I am considering and knows I've seen the endocrinologist.  I think we both understand we will eventually need to separate but still trying to figure the best approach to everything both as individuals and family.

But thank you all so much for the feedback.   You have been extremely helpful.

Take care
-Rebecca

Quote from: RKittan on December 04, 2015, 01:10:15 PM
Hello everyone,

Just starting out here both on this site and on my long awaited journey.  Have some thoughts, reservations,  and questions...

Like most of you I'm a life long tgirl.  I married and have kids.  About 10 years ago I came out to my wife.  I thought I was going to proceed with transition at that time but didn't,  though I did take some steps such as a trachea shave,  and started self prescribed anti-adrogens (mostly Proscar - in retrospect was foolish but I did).  From that point my wife seemed to ignore it but more recently took exception when she found some of my clothing and confronted me with one of my kids (now only one of them is still in school).  So my family's aware.   It would have come out eventually anyway so I've made peace with that part of it.

Before this took place in my mind I was going to wait 2 years until my youngest was done with HS to begin HRT.  But with everything thats transpired and no longer having a sexual relationship with my wife I met with and endo dr (I've been seeing a gender counselor for a while).  Since I'm still living in my house I'd perfer not to exhibit any obvious signs of transitioning.  So the dr only prescribed me spiro which I have just started.   They said this would block the T and allow the natural estrogens to take some effect.

I'm trying to determine if this will provide me any benefit.  When I was on the anti-adrogens prior I'd say the impact was mixed.   It caused the sexual desire associated with transitioning to subside and relieved some of the anxiety.  But on the other end,  it really reduced the drive for everything.   Essentially I lost the urge to have sexual relations with my wife (being honest,  I never truely had innate attraction to women,  it was always more so an attraction to their femininity).   I felt like I was just caught somewhere inbetween and it was fairly depressing.

My questions:

Has anyone had similar experience?   Would you expect spiro to have a considerable different effect from the Proscar?

Would also be interested in feedback from anyone who has experienced or considered beginning transitioning while still living with family.

If anyone is still reading,  I'm sorry for the long rambling post.   I appreciate any feedback.

- Rebecca

Hi Rebecca
You have came to the right place here. there is a lot of help on all the topics you could ever want. Keep in mind that everyone has a very different experience with transitioning. It is not and easy road. You may find my Blog interesting as i wrote in it from my heart as different things happened to me well I was transitioning and had already been for years.i started to write. I wished that I had started writing earlier in my transition but was to depressed at times to keep track of everything that was happening to me.
It is a great vent to write what is on your mind at that time because there are many times and I mean many stages to transitioning. It can be very rewarding and also very heart breaking.

http://lyndsey1957.blogspot.com

You will have my blessing no matter what you decide.
Hugs
Lyndsey

Quote from: RKittan on December 04, 2015, 11:47:29 PM
If I'm gathering the feedback correctly,  it does not seem like a Spiro only dose is the best approach.   I would need some other hormone to replace what I'm losing.  And if that is the case then it is more likely there will be more noticable effects (though I understand it varies).

This makes sense,  not that it makes things any less complicated.   But I am going to follow up with the Endo dr and inquire further.  Honestly I just did not feel right about just taking the T blocker and I should have said so up front.

And Terri,  please understand I just gave the cliff-notes version of events.  My wife was aware 11 years ago.   She knew then when I had the trach procedure done and why.  But other than that for the most part I dressed when I traveled,  and from what she says,  she thought I was over it.   As far as making my kids aware,  she said that they had seen clothes in my closet and asked her why.   You would have had to try to look in my closet to find them and to be honest,  I still don't completely understand that part of it but it doesn't do me any good to dwell on it.  It would have come out eventually anyway.   As far as what she knows now,  yes she's aware of what I am considering and knows I've seen the endocrinologist.  I think we both understand we will eventually need to separate but still trying to figure the best approach to everything both as individuals and family.

But thank you all so much for the feedback.   You have been extremely helpful.

Take care
-Rebecca

Hi Rebecca,

Please know that it is very common to start HRT on T-blockers alone.  You are beginning a very radical alteration to your body's biochemistry.  I was started on six weeks of spiro and finasteride, and then a very low dose of estradiol was added.  My endocrinologist has gradually raised the spiro and estradiol dosages over the last four months, with constant monitoring of my blood chemistry.  Last time my blood glucose and creatinine levels were high.  I am trying to cut back on alcohol consumption, increase exercise, decrease protein intake, and drink more water.  Hopefully my next round of bloodwork comes back improved.

Also, in addition to everyone being an individual and responding differently to hormone regimens, don't forget not all endocrinologists are the same, either.  My endocrinologist, for example, does not believe progesterone is helpful, and in fact is contraindicated.  But he is supportive, trans-knowledgable, and in my HMO, lol!  So I am okay with him.

Regarding the drama with your wife, well, that is unique to your relationship as well, and all I can do is be supportive.  I do not agree with how she handled things, but I am admittedly taking your side of things.  She has a life, too, and this (your transition) has to be very upsetting to her.  My wife and I have "solved" this problem by not talking about it at all, lol.  While my wife knows I am transgender, my kids, two boys ages 9 and 13, do not, and my wife and I agreed to keep it that way for the time being.  Some day I will have to cross that bridge, and then we can talk about "how things were handled".

I wish you all the best,

Terri

HRT

I originally was going to go on blockers and low dose. I was ashamed of myself and did not want anyone to know. When it came time for the scripts I asked for full dose. I had dwelled about low dose and full dose for 6 months while I saw my therapist and mentally was able to begin HRT.

My therapist asked that I commit to 4 months of HRT before I would consider stopping. After 3 weeks I told her I would never stop. Fast forward a few years and I am expressing at work. I had a fear about my breasts and people seeing them in female tops which are thinner and tighter than male shirts. I am not that big. The Friday at the end of the 1st week of expressing 2 supervisors in my group pulled me aside and said I need to wear a bra and that some of the guys had made comments. I said if I do it will make me look bigger and they said you are a woman and need to wear a bra. I thanked them and when I walked away I said to myself wow, I need a bra. I realized I had a smile on my face.

How you feel about yourself and your body can change in time. I went from extreme self hate to acceptance to glimpses of happiness. I still have a long way to go but how you feel now may change in time.

Thank you again for the supportive and informative comments.  This is a wonderful forum. I feel like I've learned more over the past few days then I have researching over the past year.

But oh,  its so much to consider!.  Between family,  work,  personal health...  its hard to imagine successfully navigating through it all.  I know its just a matter of taking it day by day,  and as Cynthia & Lyndsey you have mentioned,  better days will come and hopefully the good out-weighs the bad.    And Terri thank you for the insightful HRT information.   As I mentioned I did have reservations about the regime so its comforting to know its fairly standard practice.   I wasn't sure if what was prescribed was atypical since I mentioned to him that I had concerns about showing. 

Again thank you, your feedback is much appreciated.

- Rebecca