I think it is hard to fully understand anyone else. Some you feel a deep connection but may still never really understand. It is a lonely feeling. I am sorry you are at that place.

Hope you have it in you to keep cruising the site here. I also hope you are encouraged to respond once in a while. If I may be so bold as to encourage you to sit down and watch things pass for a bit, then maybe get back in with a different perspective? Sorry if that is too much.

With warmth,

Joanna

Quote from: Riley Echo Alcestis on December 07, 2015, 03:05:36 PM
I just feel like no one understand or is helpful because I'm not getting anywhere no matter how much effort I put in. there's no point anymore. I just give up. i develop a complete immunity because nothing works anymore. I try and try and try and I try those things a thousand more times. when they said there are endless choices was completely wrong

Yes it can seem that way. I started therapy about spring of 1975, I moved to California for a more skilled doctor about October 1976, I found the third doctor and the group in April 1979, Some time in the fall of 1979 I went full time and June 1982 I had my surgery. The first two doctors didn't help at all dealing with my problems. The depression didn't get any better and i was moving through life without any promise of getting better.

It was the night of April 16, 1979 when my life turned around and the battle was intense but I started winning instead of fighting to a draw. You may not have made the breakthrough you need or if it's not working with your current doctor, possibly you might be more comfortable with another doctor. Until you make that breakthrough, you won't start getting better and you have to keep fighting until you do. It doesn't come easy but if you want it bad enough, you will have it.

Something I forgot to mention in my last post. The last doctor I saw was a psychologist and he had a different attitude. His treatment consisted of the idea of so you have problems, tough, live with them and he was right. My transsexualism would never go away without treatment. Any problems it cause me in the past where in the past so stop thinking about them. Make and life a new life. It's not may people who get the opportunity for a fresh start in life but in a way I did. I can't recapture my youth and have young love or the many other things I missed out on, but I can start fresh and make something new and better to replace the past.

well unfortunately for me, there is no help where I live. unless I force the hands of the professionals by self medicating, or attempting suicide to show them that I need help and this won't go away, I'm just another ship that passes by. most have it easy even if they struggle. I've been rendered incapable of making decisions due to my impulsivity and my explosive outburts. mosy days I have to make a choice and either cutting myself into a bloody mess or taking more than safe amount of pills just to keep me going when the pain becomes to unbearable. I don't like it but its my only option. hopefully some help would come along but right now, I have severe counts based on personal experience. I have 6 weeks left before I go to a clinic in NY. if that doesn't work, than nothing would work

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the worst thing someone can do to me is try and relate to how I feel. unlike others, I don't like people trying to relate to me because they are not me and I'm not them. the only thing one can do for me is gaurentee me that everything will be OK but I would believe them no matter how sincere they sound

Quote from: Dena on December 08, 2015, 09:16:18 AM
Something I forgot to mention in my last post. The last doctor I saw was a psychologist and he had a different attitude. His treatment consisted of the idea of so you have problems, tough, live with them and he was right. My transsexualism would never go away without treatment. Any problems it cause me in the past where in the past so stop thinking about them. Make and life a new life. It's not may people who get the opportunity for a fresh start in life but in a way I did. I can't recapture my youth and have young love or the many other things I missed out on, but I can start fresh and make something new and better to replace the past.

that's what my therapist tells me every time I drift into regret of not starting sooner.

Quote from: Riley Echo Alcestis on December 09, 2015, 09:11:47 PM
the worst thing someone can do to me is try and relate to how I feel. unlike others, I don't like people trying to relate to me because they are not me and I'm not them. the only thing one can do for me is gaurentee me that everything will be OK but I would believe them no matter how sincere they sound

I wouldn't try to do that because I still don't understand you well enough to do so. The point is we all find ourselves in a different emotional hole and the way out is the same for all of us. Deal with each issue, one at a time until they are all resolved. There isn't a quick fix but if you do the work, you can put what you feel now in the past.