Exactly. She seems to think that it's on us to do whatever we have to to ensure other people's "comfort" with us, no matter the cost, financial, emotional, or physical.
It's on everyone to help others feel comfortable, and the number one tool for that is -- ta-da... courtesy. Showing respect to others, being polite, helping them when they need it, etc., are all basic to a civil society.
There are times when being courteous does require conforming to social norms, including taking care about one's appearance: if I'm going to a funeral, for example, I dress pretty formally -- whatever is appropriate to the standards of the bereaved. If I'm going to the supermarket, not so much. I treat others courteously and I expect the same from them.
But courtesy doesn't require us to try to change what we can't. If a trans person isn't "passable" because of physical characteristics they can't change, it is not on them if they make people uncomfortable. They deserve courteous treatment no matter what, and it's dead wrong to criticize them because they're "not making an effort."
Physical limitations are no excuse for disrespect: people are often uncomfortable with those who use a wheelchair, and they can be very rude: ignoring them, treating them like children, talking over their heads, asking them intrusive questions about their disability -- just to name a few examples.
But damn me if I can imagine a disabled person who has learned to walk with crutches saying that someone who uses a wheelchair should just get up and walk so that able-bodied people can feel more comfortable.
This ain't no different.
