I actually did come across the term "transsexual" in a book back when I was 14. I thought "hey, that sounds like what I'm like" then, but dismissed it due to not wanting to be some kind of mental freak, and there was no mention of transition there either.

Hey Jamie... your experience resonates with mine.  My first transgender thoughts were that I wanted to be a woman.  Sex featured heavily early on.  But something about it didn't do it for me.  I've lived life on testosterone, and I've now been living on estrogen... and I personally love the change in my libido.  Among other things... my overeager libido doesn't color my perceptions so much, and I the only time I find wearing women's clothes to be sexy is when I've got designs on my wife's attention.

I've been taking an observational role with respect to my gender.  I have four "gender modes" that I've identified: boy, androgenous, tomboy, and multigender.  There might be several multigender modes going on.  Perhaps I have a variable amount of masculine and a variable amount of feminine... and they simply aren't related to one another.  I'm not really sure, so I just keep observing, and hoping that it settles into a single mode!

Hi:

I try to keep this short -

• Was/am trans since about 3 or 4 years old
• I didn't hate my body; I wanted a female body desperately
• There has always been something about female socialization that was soooooo attractive
• Sexuality has always been a huge component of who I am and female sexuality is tremendously more appealing to me
• Finally, I had to know, had to be, had to have feminine fit/form and function (transition being the only realistic choice given I'm not a cis girl)
• Why this occurred is not clear but once it did it was compelling and my dysphoria went off the chart

The other and unabridged version of this is an unpublished book with all the details.

Great discussion . . . hope my rather boiled down version isn't off-putting.

Take care all,

Rachel

Jerry Springer was the first time I got introduced to transexuals. That made me feel kind of ashamed and bad, and probably had some impact on me hiding my feelings for so long.

I never particularly *hated* my body either. I disliked certain aspects; like yes, it has been difficult to see masculine features such as the brow ridge.. but then I know I made it worse by focusing on it - so I tended to not focus on it and ignore if I could, while looking at positive aspects of myself instead. This is what I trained myself to do...   But still, more than anything I wished every day that I had been born a girl or I would magically turn into one when I woke up the next morning. Almost every day of my life, at some point in the day these thoughts of jealousy, envy, unhappiness, and just wanting to be the real me would come into my mind. If it's persistent, then it's a significant part of your identity.

Even liking some more stereotypically masculine things doesn't mean you're not trans either. I played football (soccer) all of my life with the boys... but stopped playing as an adult because I am small and it's too rough lol. Jazz Jennings is very much trans, yet she loves football. My cousin, she is not trans but played football too, including with the guys when she was younger.

Check out these two

http://freethoughtblogs.com/zinniajones/2013/09/that-was-dysphoria-8-signs-and-symptoms-of-indirect-gender-dysphoria/


Am I Trans enough to transition...?

Quote from: Free2beMe on December 25, 2015, 02:30:56 PMCheck out these two

http://freethoughtblogs.com/zinniajones/2013/09/that-was-dysphoria-8-signs-and-symptoms-of-indirect-gender-dysphoria/

I have struggled with anxiety/depression related issues for years off and on, and I thought based on that article that it might be indirect dysphoria; however, the same author later admitted that a lot of what she described was actually caused by depression instead. Also, I've never been able to tie any of those experiences into discomfort over my body.

Quote from: Qrachel on December 25, 2015, 11:05:02 AM
Hi:

I try to keep this short -

• Was/am trans since about 3 or 4 years old
• I didn't hate my body; I wanted a female body desperately
• There has always been something about female socialization that was soooooo attractive
• Sexuality has always been a huge component of who I am and female sexuality is tremendously more appealing to me
• Finally, I had to know, had to be, had to have feminine fit/form and function (transition being the only realistic choice given I'm not a cis girl)
• Why this occurred is not clear but once it did it was compelling and my dysphoria went off the chart

The other and unabridged version of this is an unpublished book with all the details.

Great discussion . . . hope my rather boiled down version isn't off-putting.

Take care all,

Rachel

Not at all; a lot of that seems to resonate with me too. Actually, come to think of it, I experience really intense depression when I actually try to accept myself as trans; that's one reason why I have been reluctant.