I had a girlfriend for 2 months. Moved way too fast and she ended up dumping me out of the blue after she painted this future together. Said she suddenly lost feelings for me and didnt know why. Anyway it's been 7 months now and I'm still depressed. I'm better than I was of course but its still killing me. Doesn't help that I couldn't let go and we continued to have text/email contact for months after. During that time she made it seem as though what we had was special and hopefully we'd "find each other again". August comes around I convince her to talk in person and we are intimate twice. She says her feelings are coming back. A week later she's back with her ex and doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I'm a mess. Cannot get past it. Anyone have a similar issue?

I'm sorry I can't help with that.
I understand heartbreak tho. Its not... Nice but you WILL get through it

You may still have feelings for the girl tho. Its not easy to lose those feelings. Also one thing
If she chose her ex over you she obviously does NOT deserve you. You will find that person who does.

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I can't say I've experienced anything like that, but sometimes the hurt isn't just the absence of the person, it's the sense of "betrayal" that hurts more, right?

I guess you will be alright soon, and more cautious of people after this experience. 

I suppose one way to get past it would be to think about how quickly she just got back with someone else and completely ignores you. That doesn't sound like a person worthy of your affections.

Yes, the betrayal is horrible. I guess I'm more or less looking for guys who have experienced being dumped in a blind sided manner and/or taking quite awhile to move on no matter the circumstances. I'm trying to accept that I may have been used which hurts like hell. She really did a number on me because she said and did everything you would when you know you want to be with someone. And then she left maintaining even fairly recently that she does not know why her feelings suddenly were gone. It's just hard.

One of the great skills of the ladies is that they often know how to appear agreeable and happy even when they're not. Finding out how they really feel can be tricky indeed and often comes with tenure.

With getting over things, I have experience of that; I broke up with someone despite caring for them a great deal, on the level of family or more... because it was the best thing for us both in the long run. The feeling of displacement and "something missing" from my life persisted for about a year and was pretty awful. But then I'd been with that person six years and they were very much a presence in my life every single day. I was also determined we remain friends (which we have) but that made it even more difficult because for a year or two there was a sense of sadness and crappiness pervading our interactions - a clean break like yours would have been easier than a prolonged contact at that stage, I think.

But anyway, I was not able to think of or do anything that would simply make the feeling pass. It went away in its own time, after the person not being there started to feel like 'normality' and not abnormality. 

Hey

I experienced something similar. My ex and I had been together for 4.5 years. The relationship had to end, she became addicted to drugs and had severe mental issues that were too much for me to handle. I should have known from the beginning that she was no good. In the beginning of the relationship I caught her talking to her ex. Sending her emails of love songs and stuff like that. Her ex replied to her saying to stop sending her youtube videos and such. I told my girl at the time that it was wrong to do so and that even her ex didn't want her doing it. She eventually stopped.

Fast forward 4.5 years later and the relationship became as bad as it could be. My ex didn't know that I was trans and that I was hiding it. I hadn't transitioned yet. Having this on my mind and wanting to transition but knowing that she would never understand was causing me sever anxiety and stress. On top of that she was triggering me and yet she didn't know it. My ex had prevented me from dressing in males clothes and such. She was the only one that could dress in men's clothes. So we finally ended things and I made sure we ended on bad terms because I didn't want her bugging me.

It's been about 2 years since we broke up. I did keep tabs on her because I didn't want her finding out that I was in the process of transitioning. Last year she contacted me 3 times by email. Saying how she missed me and that she wanted to be with me. Apparently her current girlfriend was "toxic", her words, not mine.

Weird and strange thing happened a few days ago. I woke up from a dream of her begging me to get back with me. The next day she emailed me saying she keeps having dreams of her begging me to get back with me. It was scary and strange.

Anyways, she was telling me how she wanted to break up with her current girlfriend and get back with me. Wasn't gonna happen and I wasn't answering any of her emails. On top of that she had no idea I had medically and surgically transitioned. When I went home and checked her facebook I saw that she was sending lovey messages/pictures/videos to her current girlfriend. ~insert angry face~ It was then that I realized something about my ex.

She is emotionally unstable, selfish, unkind, and every curse word imaginable. She is always looking to see if the "grass is greener on the other side" type of girl. She won't ruin what she has unless she knows for sure she can go back. Honestly, this girl will never have the please of even having a go f yourself email. She doesn't even deserve it. I changed my name, gender and physical self. She will never have that "girl" back. Know that pleases me beyond belief.

I talked to my therapist about her and we talked about me coming out as transgender. I told my therapist about how she is and how our life was. My therapist advice: block her/delete her from your life/never look back. She is terrible, unstable and emotionally a mess of a person. It's not worth my time or effort.

I could walk past my ex and she would never know it was me. I'm grateful for that. I will never let someone treat me as bad as she did.

I do still have dreams of her trying to get back with me. And every single one of them is of me saying no. Eventually, when I find someone else, these dreams will go away. I'm sure of it.

Now that I'm post op I'm ready to date once more. I'll find someone else and will be happy.

Try not to let someone like her get to you. It isn't worth it. Yeah, it's hard, but it will get better for you. Keep yourself busy, make new friends and you should be alright. Heck, even talk to someone about it like I did. I told my therapist and got her advice.

Best of luck and feel free to message me if you like. 

Are you asking if we've had similar exp or advice on how to get past it?
For the first yes I have, except (not to belittle but) it was someone I was living with for a while and she decided to cheat and dump me all in one day haha. As far as getting over it, sadly I find that most advice can only point you to a direction not make you take it.

I'm a firm believer in time and space. This is something you haven't given yourself cause you still talked to her after you broke up (big no no). Now that you see the cycle she has started on you, you gotta give yourself time and space from her. Finally the most simplest yet never taken advice that I found quite literally saved my life: hobbies. Find one and stick to it, not only will it give you something to do when you'r mind wanders but they're great ways to open your life up to meeting friends or otherwise.

I dated a girl for 4 years in college, and lived with her the summer after graduation before grad school. Somewhere in there we lost it and she started seeing someone else as soon as I moved away to grad school. I had no idea until she dropped the bomb on me. It was tough moving to a new place, not knowing anyone, and having no support system. The worst was when I would go home, she'd always want to see me and go out on dates. We were intimate a handful of times after officially breaking up.

It took me a really long time to get over it completely. Like, years. I didn't date anyone else beyond casual one-off dates for 4 years. Threw myself into school, then into work. I think part of it was me wanting to make myself the most eligible option to win her back - I was more educated, made more money, had a better job, etc. But none of that matters if you just don't feel that way anymore.

On the plus side, doing all that other stuff helped me personally. My advice would be to find something you can focus on for the next several months to take your attention off of her. Maybe even off dating in general. Just totally remove yourself from it and come back fresh when you're ready.

I've been able to have a friendship with my ex now. We go out for a meal once a month or so. I stopped in and took care of her cat while she was away over Christmas (at her apartment that she shares with new boyfriend). It's weird, but it's not bad. It just took time and varying degrees of separation from the situation to be able to think of her differently.

I think I could be of some help... Dated a girl for almost a year long distance. We saw each other as often as possible but last year in October she dumped me and the night of, went to a party and hooked up with a guy. She has a boyfriend now but it. ruined. me. It was one of the hardest few months of my life, I gained an insane amount of weight. But then I started getting more spiritual, I stopped relying on her texts to make me happy. cause they weren't.
I slowly eased myself off of the Thought that when she texted me after we broke up that it meant she still loved me. If you need her to clarify her feelings more than once, keep asking. take care of yourself and remember that even though she is still important to you, that there are things in life waiting for you besides her. A year later and I've lost all the weight I gained, and I go months without thinking about the girl I dated. Time sort of heals, but a state of mind heals better, start revolving your life around you if that makes sense. good luck

Quote from: T.K.G.W. on January 05, 2016, 12:42:58 AM
I suppose one way to get past it would be to think about how quickly she just got back with someone else and completely ignores you. That doesn't sound like a person worthy of your affections.

I have to agree with T.K.G.W here and my (purely personal) advice is that in order to move past her, you need distance from her. I had a comparable issue (thought it was with a guy) and the fact that everything was kind of vague all the time, had me lingering around.

If they´re not going to make you a priority, I´d say go for someone who gives you their full attention.

people like that are toxic. they don't want you but they don't want anyone else to have you, they say sweet things and give you hope because they like the attention and their current situation isn't going as well as they'd hope but when it gets back on track (aka probably the next day or a week later), you're nothing again. they like having someone there they know won't leave them and will validate them. be glad you dodged that bullet because it could have went on for years and it might have taken years to get over it. cut off communication, remind yourself of the crappy things that were done, and focus on something way more worth your time (school, work, exercise, etc.) you'll thank yourself later.

Thanks for all of the input. I know 2 months is not a long time but it was enough to become attached to someone who seemingly really liked me. I will never understand how some people can just hurt someone and keep it moving so easily. And to think that she is treating him so well is a gut punch. But I guess I never want to understand.