hey there kiddo! It sounds like you're moving along.
It is a storm right now, but even the worst of storms subside. If the situation dictates that continuing your marriage is not an option, there is no reason why you and your wife cannot be friends or at minimum amicable for the sake of the kids.
It does not mean that the love is not there, as there was some to bring a child into this <expletive> upped world. It is just that the right kind of love to sustain the marriage may not be there, and you have to remember that not everyone is wired to handle this. While I don't really believe in fair (I say fair is where hogs win ribbons and you get sick on elephant ears), you each have to respect your desires and plans; unfortunately those two do not always mesh.
But by respecting them, that is a good start to a healthy relationship even if it not matrimonial. Besides, your kinds of stuck with each other for the foreseeable future; why not make it as pleasant as possible? I have worked so many domestic violence cases (gay and straight) that would have never gotten there if the two parties had just talked to each other (and not at each other) and respected each others wishes. Of course it goes much deeper than that, but I think you get the basic gist.
Another point is that when violence does occur, not only does it occur in the heat of passion but it also occurs sometimes out of pure hatred for the other (as well as other reasons). I tell couples that sometimes it is better to walk away as friends than to get to the point where hatred takes over.
I'm not saying yours is the case for DV, but I'm hoping you're seeing the point that I'm trying to make. While domestic violence is not necessarily my forte, I know too many people both from on and off of the job. DV does not always involve physical violence or even verbal abuse; it can be done very subtly.
I want you two to make the right choice, and it looks like the storm may be subsiding a bit to begin to accomplish that task.
Be safe, hun
Marlo
