You can do it, stay strong! I picked up the habit in late highschool. I was never a heavy smoker of tobacco. Sometime in college I quit, and at the end while traveling the world picked it back up. Still, I was never a heavy user. After a few years I was a social smoker, where I would maybe smoke 1.5 packs a month, but it would vary from 0 a month to moderate usage.
A few months ago, my father almost died from pneumonia. He's smoked and drank heavily his whole life, and it finally caught up with him. I feel that smoking and drinking can be a sort of cynical act of defiance. If one is not happy, you can relish in that by smoking and drinking. Of course, this is just my thought, and it isn't true in all/most cases. For my dad, I think it was, and I feel that his lack of happiness translated into a lack of taking care of himself. (Perhaps I'm just projecting my own past situation of not being happy and not taking care of the body I didn't want.)
Long story short, seeing him hooked up to the machines hit me hard. Hearing the effects of smoking from the doctors also. When the doctors wanted to stick a camera into his veins via the leg, and make it to the heart, they were unable to, because smoking constricts those vessels. They said his body had to build bypasses to maintain adequate circulation...that was scary. They ended up going through the arm.
Add in the blot clot/DVT risk for mtf's on hrt, and it's a no-brainer. I made the decision to quit that day, and my father did the same. He was my inspiration, and the feeling I had seeing him hooked up to the machines at too young of an age is one that I would never want my family to go through.
Since quitting, I have felt much better, and I have more money in my wallet. I'm well past the stage of craving, and I'm glad that I didn't ever become a heavy smoker, as the cravings might never go away. A few weeks ago a friend was n town, and couldn't find anyone to go out and smoke with her, so I went. It was gross. The next morning I woke up feeling horrible... horrible like hungover. Never again.
My dad started buying hard candies. He eats one of those whenever he has the urge to smoke. He weighs himself twice a day, and follows the doctors orders to remain healthy.
On a side note, over the years I had been trying to get my dad on social media, so he could reconnect with old friends who are still alive. He never took to it before quitting smoking and drinking, but since he has changed, he's picked it up, and is now interacting with old friends, instead of being alone most of his days. It is beautiful to see the changes!
I hope my story has helped inspire you
