i'm sick of hearing the '' you talk like a woman ''
i'm a manly man i'm not sensitive at all i act and walk like any other man but always when  talk people say that i talk lke a woman it's not about the sound of my voice No! they mean i talk like females i hate that and it make me so angry and so depressed and just want to die,the worse thing is i was on facebook commenting on a statue and then i started arguing with a guy about something then he said i bet you are a girl you are just using a male name and this happened so many times i hate it idk what to do about it they are even some people think i'm gay (i have nothing against gay people) but i'm 10000% straight i hate this happen to me i dont have friends and males here have a really stupid language and i dont wanna talk the same way just so they call me a man its so stupid and when i talk like me i always here oh u talk like a female even some family members make fun of it they be like u changed ur appearance but u will never be able to change the inside its the thing make me suicidal before two years it really make me hate everything!! anyone have the same problem!!?

Sorry to hear what you're going through.

Men usually talk in a monotonous tone. Women, on the other hand, speak with more expression. Speaking like a man is not always about pitch. It is also about prosody, inflection and the choice of words and expressions. Have you considered consulting with a speech therapist?

Ritana : i feel like i always have to think and arrange what to say before say it so it look manly so people think its normal , it's like a job , it so tiring it's like they put u in a category ...like... this is how men speak this is the words you have to use and the way you have to laugh and to say things! or we will call u a female!!!!!
and about your question no i didn't!

I know what you're saying. It can be draining having to thinkso much before yoi speak.

I have a tendency to write like a female and on the phone I sometimes get engendered for a female. I have been working with guys for a year now and my male socialization has improved. The guys tease me about being  12 year old boy. They have seen all the changes and have been very understanding. They say they see me as male. They are still working on pronouns but I'm ok with that. I pass 100% so when they say she by accident people don't think about.

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Have you considered that the people around you might have a narrow definition of what it means to be a guy? Who are they to tell you exactly how a man talks and behaves? Are they the experts on it?

Honestly, if people say you are not man enough as you are, and you walk around on eggshels because of them, constantly have to work to try and change their views, they might not be worth the effort at all.

On a side note - sensitivity is human. If you have to act all tough and insensitive around those people it might be worth a shot to find some new people who can actually apprecciate the dude that you are.

I have the exact same issue. Just about everyone I meet thinks I'm gay (which I'm not). I try to talk more monotonous, but it's hard enough to be conscious of what I'm saying, let alone in addition to how I'm saying it. It usually works for small talk or short sentences but once I get really into a conversation, it's hard to control my inflections.

At this point I've pretty much given up on trying to be a certain way just so people perceive something that's not their business in the first place differently. There are so many straight guys out there that act effeminate and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. In the end our traits have nothing to do with our sexuality; human beings are so complex, it's totally unfair that people so often base their judgments on something ultimately so petty and superficial. I know who I am and what I'm attracted to, and if I have to explain that to people, so be it.

I know many straight cisguys who "talk like a woman". Nothing wrong with that. They get the stick too. My friend- who is effeminate- had an argument with his gf the other day, and she called him an effeminate f*got. Society endoctrinates us into believing in some gendre-ruled linguistic ways that determine our gender. It is unfair. If you can't or are unwilling to adapt then better develop a thick skin so you don't suffer.

lionheart: yea bro the same problem especially when i laugh or when i have to talk much,i was with a friend we were talking then i laughed , he was completely shoked he said what was that?!! and i was like WHAT!! he said man stop this you sound like a f*** everybody staring at us if you wanna be a man then be one and act like one don't be a half man half woman!
all my life i was around women and even that i act like a man the only problem is the way i talk i mean i know how men talk here and it sound so stupid and every man here talk the same way ,like you have to speak with a high voice and say some stupid words talk about football or women all time  and tell stupid jokes and talk about your fights so they call you a real man!
it's even you cant be depressed or sad about something here they will call you a ->-bleeped-<- for them men don't get depressed you should be angry if something is wrong not sad and the worse part if u talk about someone about it just be ready to hear ->-bleeped-<-!! i mean that so stupid and if u see me you will not think i talk like a woman at all i have friends from all over the world and usa on the net we video chat and talk everyday i never heard this, but here its a different story maybe cause i'm in africa idk!

Quote from: jossef-ftm on January 25, 2016, 06:20:04 AM
lionheart: yea bro the same problem especially when i laugh or when i have to talk much,i was with a friend we were talking then i laughed , he was completely shoked he said what was that?!! and i was like WHAT!! he said man stop this you sound like a f*** everybody staring at us if you wanna be a man then be one and act like one don't be a half man half woman!

It sounds like the problem here isn't you, but the people you're hanging out with. I think it's in your best interest to tell this "friend" that what he says hurts, no one should speak to anyone like that.

Quote from: jossef-ftm on January 25, 2016, 06:20:04 AM
it's even you cant be depressed or sad about something here they will call you a ->-bleeped-<- for them men don't get depressed you should be angry if something is wrong not sad and the worse part if u talk about someone about it just be ready to hear ->-bleeped-<-!!

I think this is just one of the things that comes with being a male. Men are basically trained from birth not to express their feelings. I'm sure you've heard that dreaded phrase, "boys don't cry". It sucks, and it's really unfair, but from my experience, being male comes with a lot of repression. You really just have to start thinking a lot harder about deciding the right time and the right people to say certain things to.

The way I [aim to] go is respect people's opinions, but also disagree with them open and firm when needed. It is about setting boundaries.

In the beginning I used to tell a person directly that nobody can tell me what is feminine and what not. That of course is not too nice, especially not on persons who really don't mean harm. It is truth though, but the way it is packaged matters to them and so it should matter to me too, because frankly it can be changed without changing the message. And that quoted part is a bad packaging.

Now I treat them as people who are a little confused, and in need of a friendly explanation. That lets them choose whether to throw in a hostile ingredient*. Everyone has their ways of being, I am a grown up woman and have my style of living. Some things I do are considered masculine, some rather feminine, but none confirms or invalidates my gender. Whatever I do, it is a female here. Feminine, that is me, myself and I.

Hope that helps.

* - In which case my choice would be to walk away.

Guys have been shown to use emojis and multiple punctuation marks less, and none of my male friends use any kind of chatspeak. They tend to use shorter sentences though they talk more slowly in real life, which is reflected in their typing. That's just something I noticed in your paragraph. Take a look at how guys type and if you take note of the nitty-gritty details you'll pass better in text. When I type in a more "proper" fashion (capital letters, no emojis, no chatspeak, no abbreviations) I almost always pass as male where as when I don't I'm assumed to be female. I don't know why the multiple punctuation marks rule exists, but it does make a huge difference also.

  In real life try talking from your chest instead of your throat, and try to use shorter, slower sentences. It'll make a big difference. Also sometimes trying to reduce your accent almost will help. I find I sound more masculine since I started working on having a clearer accent when talking in English.

   Good luck!

Quote from: schwarzwalderkirschtort on February 03, 2016, 03:51:15 PM
I don't know why the multiple punctuation marks rule exists, but it does make a huge difference also.


   Good luck!

What is in speech intonation, questions, exclamations, direction, pausing, quoting someone, etc is punctuation in writing.

I think that in this context, "multiple punctuation marks" means this: !!!!!!!!!!!

I don't think I'm perceived as less manly because I understand and take advantage of the difference between, for example, a colon and a semicolon.

Multiple punctuation is simply a written method of adding emphasis.  It is useful in forums where we have conversations of a sort minus the ability to add facial expression and voice emphasis.  I have never thought of it as an either male or female thing.

I'll have to start watching around here and see if there is any correlation!!! :-)

LOL


Sapere Aude

You also have to remember that many times younger guys insult each other AS part of "being a dude."  As in calling each other f**s (which I hate just as much as I hate using the n-word to mean "bro") or laughing at each other for being feminine.  It's not a GOOD thing, but it may not be aimed at you all the time.  I taught high school, and guys joked like this all the time.  Men often insult each other in a "bro" way, too, and while they SHOULDN'T use feminine descriptors as an insult, it's ingrained in them since they were kids and their Little League coach yelled that they "run like girls" and said "come on, ladies, pick up the pace!"  So sometimes it may not be that they are actually perceiving you as more effeminate than them but that they are including you as one of the boys.

As for having to talk "stupid" to be masculine, well, that's a particular group--not all men talk about football or make dumb jokes all the time.  But you may need new friends if you don't want to talk about these things and want to fit in with them.  I would say that most single guys talk about women (or men if they are gay) a lot, but then women talk about the people they are attracted to a lot as well.  That's the norm for single people, I think, and with guys there is an added element of having a very strong sex drive thanks to testosterone.  Heck, all I ever talk about these days is sex!  (Thanks, T!)

People above have elaborated on my previous statement a bit further, but what I think I meant to say was that women tend to be more expressive, hence why the use of emojis and multiple punctuation marks (!!!, , &&, etc.) may be deemed as more feminine. On that note, men tend to have more monotonous speech and sound generally less chirpy and enthusiastic as a woman might. I'm not saying all women talk like that, but it may help you pass better even if you didn't in the first place.

I know on T my voice is going to change, but even so I always worry that I'm going to instantly get pegged as "gay" when I talk (I prefer men, but I'm also much more of a manly-man than a dainty gay). I tried to feminize myself before transition, and taught myself to put more emotion in my voice and to speak in higher pitches. So now I struggle with trying to un-learn all these behaviors, which is even harder since my best friend is a very outspoken woman. I feel trapped by my voice a lot of times, and when I'm most aware of it, sometimes I hold back from saying anything at all.