Quote from: Deborah on January 30, 2016, 03:26:19 AM
it might be.  Or it might be that my theory is all wrong. 

Could it be you are in fact trans and are simply overthinking it all due to the plethora of often conflicting theories that abound on the Internet?  I think that's possible.  Try this thought experiment.  Remove all sexual components from your mind.  What remains then as to your sense of self?

Regardless, it probably would be useful for you to speak on this issue with a professional to help sort it all out in your mind.


Sapere Aude

Frankly, if all sexual thoughts are removed from my mind, then a lot of my own interest in having a vagina appears to go away, Of course, in such a scenario, what I am left with is me wanting to become an extremely feminine eunuch and with me having an autoromantic inclination which results in me cross-dreaming and wishing that I was a trans-woman.

Hey Dawn welcome to the site. Becoming truly aware of your feelings and "inclinations" can be quite exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. "Could this really be me" is a question I asked myself over and over.

So if it feels strange to type your name with hairy arms,  you could just shave them off!! If it turns out that you don't like it,  then you can simply just let them grow back out

Welcome Dawn.  I'm a lawyer so I guess that qualifies as a professional. Lol. I tried for years to pretend that I was a normal CIS male. But I wasn't and it wasn't until I was in my 50's that I decided I could not pretend anymore. Getting the help of a good gender therapist can be a big help in figuring out your issues.  There are a lot of options that a professional can help you sort out to find the one that is best for you. I can tell you that I was full of fear about how I would be treated by people in the legal community once I announced my transition.  I was very pleasantly  surprised to have had nothing but very positive experiences since I publicly announced my transition. 

Good luck as you work through these issues. If you ever have any questions you will find the people at this site are wonderful about providing help to the members here.

Welcome Dawn!

As someone also just beginning this journey, I cannot recommend finding and good gender therapist enough.  It's really helped me unpack my feelings and begin to try to sort out what is a difficult set of emotions. 

You're not alone in this at all.  I had some of the same feelings of euphoria and pleasure when I first began crossdressing 6 months ago, but as the initial "newness" of it wore off I realized there was something more to it. 

So I was wrestling with this for the past couple months, until finally I felt I needed to see a therapist, best decision I've made yet. 

I wish you the best, and hope to read more from you as you take this journey!

-Gia

Thanks for the words of encouragement everybody!  This is still weird but it's starting to normalize a lot, so that's good I guess. 

Jessie, I'm just starting my lawyering career is the issue - I had a hard time getting started the past two years due to dysphoria issues on top of a horrible legal market, and I JUST picked up my first real job, in my dream field no less.  So I'm more worried because, you know, you were already established, and if worst came to worst you could strike out on your own.  I'm still a baby in the field and need mentors.  And my current dream job is in the public sector in a state that's not very LGB or T friendly.

Everybody else, I finally saw the therapist for the first time, and it was...weird.  I just asked this question on ->-bleeped-<-, so I'll just copypasta what I wrote there and ask - is this normal?

Hi girls,

So, I've been slowly coming to grips with everything until recently when it all exploded on me, and now I've been immersing myself in everything for the first time.

That sounded dirty.

Anyway, point is, I'm new to this, but slowly discovering who I am, likely a full blown transsexual, though I guess I'm uncomfortable with the term. So I dove into this whole thing headfirst and very quickly set up my first therapist appointment in a town I just moved to, which while it is a somewhat large city, isn't exactly a haven of technology and forward thinking(but then again not as backward as some).

Meeting with the therapist went well for the most part, he appears to be the most specialized in the area, which I guess isn't saying much, but you take what you can get, you know?

Anyway, he was telling me that in order to get recommended to HRT, he'd want me to hit certain milestones, and he expected the process to take about 6 months. I asked him what the milestones are, because I'm 31 and want to have the option open ASAP, even if I don't think it's right to do it at that time, I at least want the option.

He said he wants me to use a ladies room before our next session.

Issue is, I'm absolutely just starting to really get used to the idea of being a woman for realz, and I have no idea how to do makeup yet, don't have a wardrobe, etc. I don't really want to pick up a wardrobe yet anyway because I plan to lose about 50 pounds before I start HRT, so nothing will fit anyway. Point is, I'm not going to pass remotely, and I'm worried for my safety and that one of the cis girls will call the cops, and I wouldn't necessarily disagree with them for it.

So I'm not going to do it. I've used a ladies room before and liked it, but in a wholly safe situation with all kinds of excuses. I already know I'd be comfortable in there. I'm worried about the cis girls' comfort. I don't want to lie to the therapist and possibly set myself back, but there's no way in hell I'm doing this.

TL;DR Therapist told me to use a women's room as part of the "process" but I can't even remotely pass, nor am I even trying right now, and I'm worried I'll end up on the sex offender registry or something. Is it normal for him to ask me to do that?

I have no idea who your therapist is but to make a statement that it will take 6 months before you will meet his milestones before recommending HRT is a big red flag for me. WPATH standards recomend about 3 months of therapy before getting a HRT letter. My therapist gave me my letter after a 2 hour session.   There are specialized therapists who deal with transgender individuals who will meet with you via Skype or FaceTime. 

I know you are just starting out in your legal career but how your transition will affect it kind of depends on where your located and who your employer is.  I know that our field has been hit pretty hard the last few years and I'm glad you are working in an area you like. You may be surprised at how acceptable transition will be. The EEOC and other governmental agencies have been working on making discrimination against transgender individuals very bad for business.

If you ever need to talk please feel free to contact me.

Hello Dawn!

I just wanted to stop in and let you know that I'm in pretty much the same boat as you, being new to both the site and to a newly-realized transgender identity. So I don't have much to offer except a lot of empathy and a touch of advice.

The first bit is to talk to someone you really know and trust about this (whenever you feel comfortable, of course). I've only confided in my fiancee and my best friend and won't with anyone else for quite a while.

Second, you should go shopping with a lady who likes to shop for clothes. We went to a second-hand clothes shop and whenever I got uncomfortable, my fiancee would just look through the clothes as she was looking for something for herself (while I subtly checked to see if there's anything I liked). I walked away with some nice tank tops and two pairs of jeans that fit nicely (although I have no butt at all, lol) and all on clearance too!

I feel for you about your career. I would suggest that you look at your state's policies to check if you're in one of the states in the US where your employment is "at-will" and you can technically be fired for being gay, lesbian, bi, trans, etc. Now, I know most sane employers wouldn't want to touch the PR nightmare of discrimination that is with a 10-ft pole but if could save you from drama down the line.

But yeah, best of luck to everything! I hope your transition is seamless and full of happiness 

Nothing wrong with enthusiasm at all, but sometimes a little cautious brake checking can be very helpful.  Early HRT will not cause you to instantly feminize, but this is a journey that will encompass the rest of your life.  A few months is a short time and will pass in what will likely feel like a heartbeat.  Take time to take stock in who you are sans any pressure.  You will be ok.

I was green lighted to start HRT again in early summer, 2015.  Set a date that was actually closer to my physical B-Day and waited through the delay working on other things.  I am a co facilitator for a local support group and can see 'the new girls' when they arrive a few days or weeks after coming to a realization.  They are spit and vinegar and HRT needs to have started last week...I always urge them to relax and enjoy the initial work of realization and internal acceptance.  The initial discovery and meeting with your therapist will be ones you look back on once a bit of seasoning has been rubbed in.

If there is anything I could impart from my early experiences with transition, take time to smell the flowers along your path and don't cheat yourself their sometimes sweet and sometimes bitter uniqueness.  You will get to know yourself and through that will come to a greater love of being.

Hi Dawn!

I think there are lots of professionals here.  I am a lawyer too.  I am also 30-something and balding too.  I have often cross-dressed in private, felt shame and guilt, then purged all my female things.  I previously found it confronting when I encountered trans individuals in public settings.  I get confused by pronouns too (especially when people call me by my male name and use female pronouns).

For my part, I just couldn't keep my identity to myself any longer.  A clever person recently reminded me that there is no greater waste of human life than to spend our precious time on this planet trying to conceal ourselves from the people who care the most about us.  That's how I feel.  It made me want to transition, come what may.

Therapy has helped a bit, but coming out to some close family and friends has really made the shame and guilt evaporate for me.   I picked carefully which friends I was willing to confide in.  Every single person has been amazingly accepting, although sometimes their curious questions make me squirm a little.

I resolved from the beginning to just take the transition process one step at a time.  I don't have an exact end goal in mind, I'm just making little changes until I like where I'm at.  I saw my endocrinologist today and we agreed to increase my HRT treatment - but I emphasised that it is absolutely critical to me to remain in complete control of what's happening to my body and how fast.  I'm enjoying watching these changes take place - although I'm not yet in that uncomfortable position where I can't conceal my feminisation from those around me.

I think we are really lucky to be working in a professional environment.  I sometimes think professionals are more tolerant and open to educating themselves than tradespeople and labourers. And we certainly benefit from good discrimination protections.  I have told my employer, confidentially, what is happening.  This gives them plenty of time to prepare and even to shape the corporate culture a little bit if needed.  It also buys me quite a bit of flexibility to deal with appointments.  I've done everything I can to make it easy for them - provided mountains of information, directed them to external consultants, and thought of ways to make it easy for my colleagues to adapt.  Ultimately, my employer should see this as an opportunity to demonstrate its commitment to employee welfare. I think they know this too.  In the back of my mind though, I'm painfully aware that, for the rest of my tenure (and probably career), I will be known as 'that trans person'.  So be it.

I imagine working in advocacy might be a bit awkward during the transition period.  On the other hand, have you thought about taking on some human rights matters?  I think you would make a fantastic advocate for many marginalised groups and classes.  Have you seen this post:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,87541.msg625108.html#msg625108

There are lots of examples of pilots, senior military personnel, politicians, elite athletes, and actors that have transitioned (some of their stories are fascinating if you do some reading).

Have you thought about speaking to a therapist to try and figure out what will give you the greatest prospect of happiness?  I assume you wouldn't be here if you weren't think about exploring some options.

Good luck.