So I still live with my parents (it's hard in my area because even a studio appartment is over $1,500). And well my "father" has always had a problem with my transitioning. But my doctors all deemed it medically imperitive that I do because of my anxiety and depression linked to Dysphoria.

Yesterday while I was at work, he broke into my room and took my Spironolactone, and a whole bunch of clothing of mine that was even remotely feminine (I didnt find out he broke into my room until obviously I got home)...

But he also called my doctor! Well his office, leaving him an urgent message. He apparently threatened him with a lawsuit if he does not stop with me. I got a call while I was on break... more like the last 15 minutes.

My doctor said "I regret to say that I can no longer treat you for Dysphoria, and assist with the transition from Male to Female." He repeated the message my "father" had left for him.

And then he said he prescribed me low dose Testosterone patches to return my testosterone levels to normal. which I or HE can pick up at the pharmacy. And well... my "father" picked them up. And in a week he wants to see me to monitor my T-Levels to assure they are normal. And my "father" is going to take me to assure I actually go.

I feel bad. Like my doctor has NEVER had to deal with a patients ->-bleeped-<- "father" doing this.

I dont know what to do I am so confused right now as to what is happening and what will happen. I am an emotional train wreck.... HELP! T__T

Hi Jessilyn,

I'm so sorry, baby.  That is absolutely horrid.

Even if this is an extreme case of "My House, My Rules", I am not sure how it is legally possible for one adult to dictate the medical treatment of another. I don't know what resources you have financially, but perhaps it is time to move out. 

When I concluded that I was transgender, and the only realistic course of action was to begin transitioning, I gave myself permission to fail. That is, if it got to be too much, if the pain and loss was more than I could bear, I would stop.

While I have a completely different set of life circumstances than you, I do know I have reached a point in my transition where detransitioning is not an option.  I am much older than you, and I am financially independent, but it could cost me my relationship with my sons, and derail the last decade of my career. Not minor things.  Life is about choices.  I don't know what transitioning means to you in relationship to your family, friends, and personal happiness, but you need to draw up a mental list of priorities.  Be prepared to "pay the freight" for your happiness.

In the meantime, you can probably go to an LGBT-friendly clinic and get some spiro on your own. It's cheap, even without insurance.

With kindness,

Terri

You are 25 years old and unless there is some other legal paper work I am unaware of, your father no longer has a legal hold over you. Tell the doctor this and if needed, go to a legal aid office or a lawyer and ask their opinion on this. You need to consider other living arrangements such as a roommate. A LGBT may be able to help you locate one or more roommates to split the cost. The other option is to move a bit farther out to where the rents are lower.

I don't see your transition happening as long as you live under the same roof with your father so the time has come to consider your options.

You might talk to your "dad".
He is probably sure this is a whim and needs to be "corrected"

Here is a resource that might help:
http://www.acceptingdad.com/2013/08/05/to-the-unicorns-dad/
This is one of ways people are, one of the ways people have always been; you can't stamp this out of people. We know this because we all tried to, at one point or another, to one degree or another. There isn't a parent I've met who didn't play gender police for some period of time.

You might show in total and ask to be read or print parts.

here is another resource:
http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf

There are studies shown there which are by reputable sources. Its also explained with pictures.

Studies have shown there are differences in brains of women and men so a mismatch is possible.
There are even substances known to cause a higher rate of transgender people. They are off the market now.
Also transgender people have been around in all cultures so its not a cultural thing.

The brains of transgender people are wired this way before birth and there is no known way to change this.

Transgender people suffer from a condition called gender dysphoria, they expect a female body otherwise severe depressions can be the case.
Usually parents want their children happy.
The remedy is hrt and transition. Most people are much more happy afterwards.
Giving t instead of e usually increases dysphoria.

Threating you against your will is a criminal offense.
Nobody can make you use drugs.
There are even people dying because they refuse a blood transfusion.

Also you might have a serious talk with your doc.
To my knowledge they violated rules by giving medical information to third parties without consent.

You might look for an informed consent clinic in your place.
You might ask with plannedparenthood or look up some places, and ask some endos.
Usually the fees are not that high, and some offer sliding scales.

Also if housing is that high in your place you might look up lgbt places and ask there. Its possible they know places or have housing projects.

You might look for a trained gender counselor.
They might help explain to your dad its not a game you play and its serious.

They might also make clear to your dad that its necessary for you to try out hrt and how you feel.
This all is a step by step process anyway so its not a game but a controlled process.

Maybe you could tell them that you need to pursue this in order to live a happy life.
And that outcomes usually are much better if parents are understanding.

It comes down to that you are not what they have in their head you are.
They have an imagination of you.
But you have real feelings and it does nobody good to deny oneself to live other peoples images.
People are only happy if they do what they feel fits them.

Oh and transgender people are people like everyone else, not some twisted images people might have.
They are normal people with normal cravings.

Some people say they will simply be like their female twin.


hugs

So sorry to hear that. I don't know what to say other than I would call the doctor back and get them to back off if you can. Sorry that your parents have gotten in the way of your transition. Hugs
Mariah

Wow!  What an awful situation, it seems as if there's no one you can trust among those upon whom you depend.  I hope you can find some help and can hold your doctor accountable for YOUR care.  It must be unbelievably hard, but it will take time, effort and also some luck to get yourself into a position of more self-determination.  Remember that patience doesn't feel like progress, but sometimes you need to give yourself time.  It sounds like there may be avenues to get the medications you need, but your first priority is to protect yourself.  If your home is not safe for you, then it's not really home. 

I find the interference with the doctor to be especially offensive and concerning.  This type of argument, that whoever is paying deserves to decide on the type and frequency of care, often doesn't even hold water, as the payer is simply paying insurers, and becomes less about care and more about controlling other people's choices.  Even if you can convince the doctor to work with you directly again, I'd be wary of working with him.  Do you have any alternative physicians you could see?

Good luck to you, and keep us informed on how you're doing.  Your success and even just your perseverance can be an inspiration to others. 

Go to a trans group and inquire about group trans houses or like affordable housing. You are not alone and there are others there that are in the same position as you.

Hugs. Think of this as a detour rather than the end of the road. Your father sounds toxic and unreasonable but at the age you are there is no reason for him to have a legal hold over how you live your life. The detour requires you to figure out how to proceed - do you stay or do you go, do you reason with your doctor or find a new one?

Hold on.  You're 25?  And your doctor is allowing somebody else to dictate your medical care?  This is extremely unethical.

He's actually prescribing you a medication that you don't need, and providing that medication to your "father."  This action is done in support of abuse.

http://www.ama-assn.org/ama/pub/physician-resources/medical-ethics/code-medical-ethics/opinion202.page

In the absence of a durable power of attorney, your "father" has no right to dictate your medical care.

http://www.ama-assn.org/ama/pub/physician-resources/medical-ethics/code-medical-ethics/opinion8081.page

He's discussing your medical care with a third party.  This is a direct violation of HIPAA.  This is entirely unacceptable.  I'd report him to your state medical board and/or Health and Human Services immediately.

http://www.fsmb.org/state-medical-boards/contacts
http://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/filing-a-complaint/complaint-process/index.html

You might take an approach which doesn't immediately burn the bridge with your doctor: mention the unethical nature of his behavior and ask him to reconsider.  Or, you could take a middle approach and simply threaten him.  He's got insurance for lawsuits.  He doesn't have insurance for disbarment or criminal penalties.

To add to the others, if you have a diagnosis of gender dysphoria then I can't help but think you're doctor could get into trouble for prescribing testosterone. That's so far from best practice it should be illegal.

It sounds like your home situation is the real issue though.

While you are still living under your father's roof even though it might not be legal he still thinks that you need to follow his "house rules."  The easy and only way out is not to live at home -- and at 25, the time to move out is long passed.

It might be that where you are right now, you feel as if you cannot afford to move out, but there is such a thing as geographic mobility -- you do not need to stay where you are, and there are lots of places where it is cheaper to live.

It really is time to get your life in order and be in control of your own destiny.  And I think you know what you want that destiny to be.  Go do it.

Quote from: AnonyMs on February 14, 2016, 02:51:09 PM
To add to the others, if you have a diagnosis of gender dysphoria then I can't help but think you're doctor could get into trouble for prescribing testosterone. That's so far from best practice it should be illegal.

I'll second this.  That prescription is almost certainly open-and-shut malpractice.  Add to the bridge-burning list the threat of a malpractice suit.  If nothing else, that will balance out your "father"'s threat.

Wow!  Big hug!

Your father is being unreasonable, but parents often are, and there's not much you can do about it.  Your doctor, however, is being gutless and unethical.  What he is doing is malpractice.

I think you should make getting your own place a priority.  There have been some good suggestions in the other posts.  As soon as you are out from under your father's influence, get a new doctor and get your treatment back on track.

Well it is my "father" only who's doing this. I got the idea that I didn't think of before to reach out to my grandparents. I'm staying with them for a bit. And they know and have known for a long time and gave me a yelling match as to why it took me so long to come out (needless to say they know now why.)

They are going down to Kaiser and picking me up some Spironolactone today so I can take it when I get there tonight. They are super mad at him right now. We are also going to contact a lawyer. So he can't sue and offers my doctor legal protection.

Quote from: sparrow on February 14, 2016, 03:04:32 PM
I'll second this.  That prescription is almost certainly open-and-shut malpractice.  Add to the bridge-burning list the threat of a malpractice suit.  If nothing else, that will balance out your "father"'s threat.

Well honestly it's not my doctors fault. He's just worried about being sued by that man and loosing his practise. And frankly I don't blame him.

But it seems my grandparents are going to help me here

He's pressing the fact that I am still under his roof and dependant (not true) but that he made multiple threats and that there is no actual definitive proof of Dysphoria.

And yeah I'd love to have my own place. But in my area that's just out of the question as I said... It's WAY too expensive for a student.

Quote from: XKimX on February 14, 2016, 02:59:03 PM
While you are still living under your father's roof even though it might not be legal he still thinks that you need to follow his "house rules."  The easy and only way out is not to live at home -- and at 25, the time to move out is long passed.

It might be that where you are right now, you feel as if you cannot afford to move out, but there is such a thing as geographic mobility -- you do not need to stay where you are, and there are lots of places where it is cheaper to live.

It really is time to get your life in order and be in control of your own destiny.  And I think you know what you want that destiny to be.  Go do it.

Im in school right now. It's a community college so there's not much as far as transfer until I graduate. And I've been offered a scholarship when I do.

  Jessilynn give your grand parents a great big hug they deserve it I am so happy for you
   I think the world of grandparents like yours the world is a better place because of people like them

   bobbisue

This is really awful, and I'm so sorry it's happening to you.

Is it important for us to understand why "father" is in quotation marks?  I keep feeling that there's something about what you're telling us that I don't understand.

Quote from: jessilynn on February 14, 2016, 06:02:33 PM
Well honestly it's not my doctors fault. He's just worried about being sued by that man and loosing his practise. And frankly I don't blame him.

Your doctor is being bullied.  His response to being bullied is to turn around and help the bully.  He's aiding your "father" in abusing you.  It is your doctor's fault.  Your doctor is almost certainly insured against malpractice, and will not lose his practice as a result of standing up to your "father."  However, he can lose his practice if he aids in the abuse of his patients, and he can face civil penalties for disclosing your medical information to your "father".  It's not just cowardice, it's stupidity: if he cared about his practice, he wouldn't touch conversion therapy with a ten foot pole.

being 25 your  adult legally. Your options if that was happening to me I  would get lawyer or free legal organization and a new doctor . Your Grandparents should be a big help getting things together.