I will keep this short. In my childhood, I did a lot of feminine hobbies and interests; Sailor Moon, Barbie, girl shows, and secretly my favorite colours probably are pink and yellow (salmon being a love child). While I hide it a lot, it was evident in my very being. I remember wearing wigs and dresses in secret too. I read Cosmopolitan, girlish magazines, listen to Shania Twain-Jewel-Britney-Madonna-Hilary Duff-Ayumi Hamasaki-Sweetbox prior to age 14. Even character in a video game was a girl too.
I don't know what being a man is like exactly.
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Now to the point when it hit me............
It was a combination of Second Life... Maybe. When I read Memoir of a Geisha (2 years prior to SL), it was the root. I wanted to be a geisha, that was when I was 13-14. Being a fragile beautiful artist was like everything, and then being able to seduce... I became a geisha in SL, and realize you get paid a hell lot more as a virtual dancer, the rest is history. But geisha is still something I feel connected too, and its not slutty but artistic and very feminine. Femininty is like a geisha.
It was also this music video...Dont say Goodbye by Paulina Rubio... at that time I seriously thought I could look as pretty as she did in that video. I wanted to be her.