Quote from: mickey.megan on January 27, 2016, 07:03:55 AM
so I'm very masculine on the outside, and I'm worried that I will be very un-attractive as my true gender(female). To share I don't expect to win beauty contests or anything else, I just want to pass (if that makes sense). but I'm scared I will never be able to even come close.

Anyone else not transition because of this concern? any insight on how to look at this?

I don't know about beauty but I know I wouldn't have even considered transition if I didn't pass as easily as I do.  To me it wouldn't have been worth the torment from society. 

From what little I know about you it seems you are arriving at acceptance of being transgender.  If you are, then you know it is a persistent feeling within you that is not going to go away for any real length of time.

I convinced myself too easily that I would be an ugly and awkward woman.  It only slowed me down, the situation and pain remained but delay never solves the problem.  Waiting decades has never helped anyone here that I know of, it just makes it later in life that we allow ourselves to be our true and genuine selves.

Later ain't greater, I learned that the hard way

Quote from: Dena on January 27, 2016, 08:02:16 AM
I had a bit different point of view. My second therapist told be I looked to masculine to pass as a woman. It really didn't make much of an impact on me at the time because I wasn't sure I would ever be able to pass. i had decided I would rather be an ugly scrub woman without any friends than remain in the male role. Life surprised me and I ended up more attractive than I though, professionally better off and I have friends. Don't ever count yourself out because I look at the before and after pictures on this site and many of the transformations are stunning.

Beauty isn't everything but personality and attitude will count far more as to how people will accept  you. One of the things I had forgotten about but about a week ago somebody on this site reminded me about it. From time to time, somebody who knows about my past without me telling them about it will remark that I am totally feminine. If they were able to read me and still see that I glow feminine, it's an indication even with my flaws, others accept me as a woman.

You look like a gal to me.  I don't think anyone would ever know you are transgendered. 

I was an OK looking guy, I became an OK looking woman. Putting it off didn't help

Quote from: Amy1988 on February 17, 2016, 04:37:35 PM
I don't know about beauty but I know I wouldn't have even considered transition if I didn't pass as easily as I do.  To me it wouldn't have been worth the torment from society.

This, so much this! This is one of the reasons I haven't transitioned.  If people still see me as what I was born as, than that is how I will look at myself in the mirror, and than what would be the point?

Quote from: mickey.megan on February 16, 2016, 12:40:17 PM
I think you are all beautiful :--D. ...

I agree... and some wonderful perspectives in this thread.

Quote from: mickey.megan on February 16, 2016, 12:40:17 PM
...
I am struggling with this, I have a very hairy face as example and masculine features. Combine this with the weight of the cost of just coming out in general and I stall. So...Today I was feeling full on like I could not transition, be masculine, male and everything my wife expects of me. But then I feel the sadness. the only way I don't feel it, is if I'm busy at work, or busy in general.

Well, you also may be being your own worst judge, you have to be careful about that I think. It's a powerful force, our own self-criticism.

That said, I'm in a similar space from time to time, it fluctuates, but I manage to make good steps forward, and am often surprised by the outcome which causes encouragement that is fuel to get through a slump toward another change.

I try to remember all things in life begin as a dream or thought in our minds, even a simple journey across a room to make lunch is not a physical reality until you translate the thought into action.

We tend to believe those easy things, but when things seem difficult to me, I try to just move forward with action as if it's an idea to walk across a room. I think I do that implicitly without much thought, as if putting on blinders so I don't get discouraged by forces that, I find, are often only as credible as I allow them to be...

Ignorance to my own negativity about my potential can be not only more productive, but more truthful.

I'm not saying it's easy... it's tough at times, but still, I find the idealism here is not for naught.

I went through all of this. A very well known 'man' in my job, a very successful scientist, well connected etc, and rather ordinary to ugly looking. I could not afford to lose my job. My commitment to my wife was and is unbreakable.

I buried myself in my work so I didn't have to think about my gender issues.

It was armour.

Now five or so years down track, I've been promoted, I'm accepted, my fears never eventuated. My new staff and people I meet don't know I was AMAB, if they find out they are surprised - and don't care.

OK I've been lucky, but many of us seem to be lucky. Maybe we haven't been lucky and in fact those that we do work with and relate with and don't care are the majority.

Grace posted a photo of where she came from. I was far far worse!




Dear god I don't even recognise him!!

Quote from: Cindy on February 18, 2016, 12:50:49 AM
Dear god I don't even recognise him!!

Ditto for me. Amazing how far I've come.

I'll play. 2006, shortly before I started dressing.



Hugs, Devlyn

Hee Heee,

Grace, Suzi, Devlyn the pics are hilarious!!!

The world is a lot better off without those shady characters!

Would you buy a used car from these people.....

Anyone else want to join the Rogues Gallery? 

Ok.  Here I am a year ago just after starting HRT.  The "I wanna kill something" look was kind of a permanent feature.  It did have its advantages when raising a daughter though because all her boyfriends were afraid to cross me. LOL



Sapere Aude

Quote from: Ms Grace on February 17, 2016, 01:36:24 AM
It is folly to transition or not transition only on the basis of whether or not we can "be beautiful". Sure we all want to look our best, we want to be at least attractive or pleasing to other people, especially if we intend on finding a lover or intimate partner. While we have to work with what we've got there are of course many things we can do to hopefully improve that... some of it might be surgical but a lot of it is just cosmetic and using visual cues that feminise our appearance.

If trying to look beautiful was my personal yes/no start line then I probably never would started. After all, this was me in 2012...



Remarkably, somehow, with some HRT and cosmetic help I've managed to finagle myself into a reasonable looking broad... but if you had told me I could do it in 2012 I would have laughed at you.

Ms Grace......you are a constant inspiration to me and I love your positive outlook and reasoned thoughtful posts.....thank you.....!!
As for "reasonable looking broad"..... Yes....I think you are all that and more....when I look at your picture I see a happy, modern thinking, very attractive woman who is totally comfortable with herself......and that is exactly my goal...
Hugs
Dianne
xo

This sounds familiar to my situation as well. I am almost 60 years of age and know I will never win a beauty contest. I just no longer worry about it and go my own way. I was not an unattractive man and I present quite well for a 60 year old girl.

As a non passing trans woman who has been living full time for 6 months, I try to just make the most of what I have I guess, eventually you just get to the point where you'd rather lives as your true self no matter how awful you look. Funny thing is I used to get tons of compliments from women for being handsome.

Id rather be the ugliest woman, than the most handsome man.

I can't transition for medical reasons and I honestly don't pass anymore. The fat movement will make me look horrific and the face changes just won't work for me. I can't take T, and if I could I would, but things don't work that way in my life I guess...

A few years ago my mum said I shouldn't transition because I'd be an ugly woman, I resisted the urge to tell her that being ugly hadn't stopped her enjoying her life & simply told her that I'd rather die old & alone as an ugly woman than die in the next few years as a deeply unhappy, suicidal man (I then hung up the phone before I said something I'd regret)

Don't let others set the boundaries for your own happiness, especially if those boundaries are formed by a warped world view of beauty founded by marketing forces & airbrushed beyond reasonable expectations

Quote from: Jayne on February 28, 2016, 03:13:12 PM
...I'd rather die old & alone as an ugly woman than die in the next few years as a deeply unhappy, suicidal man...

I think this is thing cis people just don't understand, regardless of our appearance outcomes it is the need to be the gender we identify as that drives us.

Quote from: Jayne on February 28, 2016, 03:13:12 PM
A few years ago my mum said I shouldn't transition because I'd be an ugly woman...

I had a similar response from a friend who had found out I'd tried to transition years earlier, he said I would've made a "weird looking woman". He was more than happy to eat his words a few years later when I did transition for good.

Quote from: DianneM on February 19, 2016, 12:13:44 PM
Ms Grace......you are a constant inspiration to me and I love your positive outlook and reasoned thoughtful posts.....thank you.....!!
As for "reasonable looking broad"..... Yes....I think you are all that and more....when I look at your picture I see a happy, modern thinking, very attractive woman who is totally comfortable with herself......and that is exactly my goal...

Thanks hon, my first attempt at transition was such a disaster of fear and self-loathing I had to do a lot of personal work on my feelings and thinking which helped immensely... so I understand what a hard ride transition can be and it's one of the main reasons I really want to help where people might be struggling.

Rather have a beautiful heart than worry how others perceive my looks. It's all about me. Nobody else. I'm satisfied when I look in a mirror.

So many great posts in this thread. It was so heartening to see how many of you have come so far and made yourselves into what you should have been all along.

I must admit I have many days when I tell myself, "I'll never make it, and even if I did, I would never be accepted as a woman by society."  But when I think it through, I can't make a case for not transitioning.  Okay, so I would avoid possible rejection by my children, and I wouldn't have the stress and anguish of trying to transition at work.  But I would all but guarantee myself I would be miserable for the rest of my days, wondering, "what if?". How is that better?

All I strive to be is an average middle-aged woman you wouldn't look at twice on the street.  I think that's a reasonable goal, and hopefully one I can achieve.  Thank you all that shared your before-and-after pics for your candor and strength of character. It really helps the rest of us.

With kindness,

Terri