Hi! This topic is probably covered before, but this is particularly for MtF girls on HRT (i.e. determined by medical professional as transgendered, and are serious about living 24/7 as a woman).

Question: Before starting hormones, how was your feeling of wanting to be female affected (if at all) immediately after a masturbation session? After being on hormones for a sustained period, how have these feelings changed (if at all) post-orgasm/masturbation?

Background info: I'm having trouble distinguishing what parts of my GID are sexually derived. I don't hear it talked about, but I feel like I have a sexual identity that completely fits that of a normal female. I theorize that there are two components to what makes up the gender level we identify with, which is a sexual identity and a-- for lack of a better word-- personality identity. However, I feel like in general, the sexual identity trumps the personality identity, and is the main source of inner turmoil relating to GID if the identity is different from the person's biological sex. Perhaps it is also why some transsexuals can easily act and pass as the other sex since they are able to naturally carry themselves with this personality identity.

My feelings of wanting to be female more or less started when I was around 4-5 (how I know is from a scene in Home Alone and that was my age then when the movie came out). However, they became full blown around puberty, particularly around forced feminization. After orgasming, I'd feel guilty, but the feelings would come back, and sooner and sooner as I aged. With that said, I think I've always been a really sexual creature, as I recall even at that age period (since 4-5) my penis would become erect at the thought of becoming a woman (or transformation and submission in general), and I would relish going to bed where I can peacefully fantasize. I remember getting confused why my penis would get hard and always try to push it down so it would bend again.

So now, I'm starting to think the norm for me may really be female, because save for 10-15 minutes post-orgasming, the thoughts dominate me--going to sleep with it, waking up to it, typing this out in the middle of a work day. This post-orgasm "guilt", as I read, may just be the way bio males are wired soon after orgasming that produces certain hormones that conflict with their more female brain wiring. Even then, I'm not sure if guilt is the best word for me, but more of this lazy feeling of being indifferent.

Hence, I have been wanting to see, whether through herbals or a doctor, if I can get a low dosage (or temporary dosage) of hormones to see how my dysphoria is as vibrant in my day-to-day life. In theory, if my dysphoria is more of a transvestism, then I would expect it to diminish as I take more hormones. However, what has stopped me the most from self-medicating is that I want to remain fertile so I can still have biological children. I am 30.

Anyways, the bottom line and goal with these questions are I want to see how different I am from those that are transgendered enough to be happy after transitioning. Perhaps they had similar experiences and feelings as well.

These are just my opinions from my observations and introspection, and I don't really have much data to back it up. Yes I plan to talk to a gender therapist as soon as I work out my health insurance situation.

Thanks for reading and answering!

I'm post-op 10 yrs, stated hormones in 2004. Thoughts about being a woman and fantasizing about it would, like you, arouse me very much, lead to orgasm and then, feelings of guilt would ensue. So I can relate 100%. Despite this, starting hormones did NOT reduce my feeling of wanting to physically be a woman. My libido did reduce to a certain degree but being the sexual creature that I am, again, just like you, arousal remained, albeit to a lesser degree. I have no regrets BUT the guilt of being a woman has nevertheless persisted. I still get aroused being a female at times, especially when I totally let go, dress how I really want to dress, when I'm desired by men, when I dress sexy, etc. I get the feeling it is the same for ciswomen as well. Seeing themselves in sexy lingerie or heels, arousing others gets them aroused as well.

Hope this clears things up a little.

Gender dysphoria not GID, I don't have a disorder! :-)

Quote from: kira21 ♡♡♡ on February 18, 2016, 03:03:34 PM
Gender dysphoria not GID, I don't have a disorder! :-)

Oh hehe sorry, I suppose I didn't catch what the D actually meant, plus typing out GID is much easier than typing gender dysphoria. Sorry about that orderly person!

Quote from: KayXo on February 18, 2016, 01:50:54 PM
I'm post-op 10 yrs, stated hormones in 2004. Thoughts about being a woman and fantasizing about it would, like you, arouse me very much, lead to orgasm and then, feelings of guilt would ensue. So I can relate 100%. Despite this, starting hormones did NOT reduce my feeling of wanting to physically be a woman. My libido did reduce to a certain degree but being the sexual creature that I am, again, just like you, arousal remained, albeit to a lesser degree. I have no regrets BUT the guilt of being a woman has nevertheless persisted. I still get aroused being a female at times, especially when I totally let go, dress how I really want to dress, when I'm desired by men, when I dress sexy, etc. I get the feeling it is the same for ciswomen as well. Seeing themselves in sexy lingerie or heels, arousing others gets them aroused as well.

Hope this clears things up a little.

In other words, "feeling sexy," and I totally agree. Confidence is a big part of being able to get off, especially when it is with a partner. I personally have difficulty achieving an orgasm solo, unless I'm using friction through my panties. Once I've had my bottom surgery, I don't think I'll be distracted by dysphoria in the moment.
After hormones, my arousal feels different than it used to. My libido isn't as much as it was as well. And my desire to be seen as female and treated as such hasn't diminished despite being as far in my transition as I am.

Quote from: rachel_grr on February 18, 2016, 03:09:16 PM
Oh hehe sorry, I suppose I didn't catch what the D actually meant, plus typing out GID is much easier than typing gender dysphoria. Sorry about that orderly person!

The reason it matters is because gender dysphoria is a state one can experience. Whereas GID was a diagnosed condition a trans person suffered from. Being transgender isn't something that shames me or causes me suffering per se, it's the things that go along with my body not feeling right, insecurity and intolerance. Intrinsic internal feelings, internal feelings about how I fit in the world and external pressures and worries aren't things that need diagnosis in my and many others opinions. However therapy is an important way of dealing with all of those, and transition is how I am working to adjust my intrinsic feelings about myself and my body.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I totally forgot the other thing I wanted to say =P
When a male-bodied person has an orgasm, their body releases an intense amount of prolactin that lulls them into stupor/sleep. After being on hormones for a long time, I don't experience that anymore. I'm pretty sure that the steady amount of estrogen in my body somehow causes my limbic/nervous systems not to release the same amount of prolactin or that it has a different effect. I'm pretty much wide awake after coitus, although very relaxed with an endorphin high.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

If it helps, I thought that the sexual thing was all there was to it, and that I needed to "break the addiction".  But about five months ago (!) I got the chance to see.  I started dressing full time on days I was alone.  I stopped masturbating.  My feelings didn't go away over the last five months - I still enjoy being a woman, although I'm not on HRT or "out", and there's no sexual stuff involved.

My Gender Disphoria used to become stronger after playing with my body because it was hard to ignore what I was playing with. I have learnt how to 'buff' like a woman now though so it feels like feminine play.  But if I  am having a major Dysphoria day when all I can see are my not-so-girly faults, I can't play anyway.

For my part, when playing with my body I feel fully as female and GD vanishes. In fact this is what made me becoming aware (sadly late) that the dysphoria I had felt all my life was GD. Before I came out to myself, when "I had to" have sex as a male with a woman then GD was strong. Now I refuse to have sex as male (though it's not easy to live...).

Quote from: Obfuskatie on February 18, 2016, 04:03:16 PM
I totally forgot the other thing I wanted to say =P
When a male-bodied person has an orgasm, their body releases an intense amount of prolactin that lulls them into stupor/sleep. After being on hormones for a long time, I don't experience that anymore. I'm pretty sure that the steady amount of estrogen in my body somehow causes my limbic/nervous systems not to release the same amount of prolactin or that it has a different effect. I'm pretty much wide awake after coitus, although very relaxed with an endorphin high.

Could be that since estrogen naturally increases prolactin levels and you now have higher levels in general, you are less sensitive to it upon its release during orgasm. 

I have experienced feelings similar to what you describe. For many years, I feared that my feelings of wanting to be female were sexually based. I was jealous of those who were so sure they were transgender. When I started hormones my sexual impulses lessened a great deal. As I accepted my female self and began my transition, I was delighted to find that the joy of being female, being treated as female by others, towered over any sexual pleasure I had ever had. For me, the sexual whiplash I used to experience (like what you describe) is traumatic to this day. I have a desire to be sexual again one day, but only with a body that is mine. Today, mentally I am one person, not two halves of a person at war with each other. Now I just need to correct the birth defect that lies beneath my pants. I don't mean to suggest you are the same as me, but it is possible. Good luck!
Moni 

BUMP

This has been on my mind a great deal, I become spontaneously aroused thinking about ultra mundane things like taking my first dose of HRT.  The idea of painting my toenails was creating excitement too, until I did it, and then it became mundane...or not? 

This is on the level of a parlor trick, just putting the idea into the forefront of my thoughts sends blood down there.  It's the big reason why I started a thread about getting a diagnosis from a therapist, hoping that they would just send me home confident that I was just suffering from some off the wall sexual dysfunction.

Well, I typed "hoping" there.  The idea of actually being a woman still fills me with a warm glow, for lack of better words.  I'm still just going to carry on for the time being as a CD with an ton of questions.  Actually transitioning isn't anything to take lightly, as those who've done it inevitably point out.

I identify with much of the OP's experiences.  Like Karlie Ann I've gone without spanking it for a while.  I need to...man up and do that again.     It's...really hard to do so with these thoughts constantly intruding, of course.   

Having a sense of humor about this all helps me with this, much of what I've discovered about myself I've found more than a bit upsetting too.  Hope no one minds me throwing in a bit of levity.

The posters here couldn't be more patient and understanding, too.

zzzz..

   Sorry about the barrage of TMI.  Just had to get that off my chest.