This is a bit of a rehash of a post I made in another thread but I feel it covers a broad range of reasons why being transgender, and consideration of transition in particular, can seem like the most absolute worst thing imaginable for many of us.

Being transgender is no picnic, there's no doubt about that. Some of that certainly comes from our own confusion but a large part of it is down to society treating us as crud. If, for example, you knew that in coming out and transitioning you would have 100% support and acceptance from your spouse/partner, children, family, social groups, workplace, medical professions, etc...do you think you would feel anywhere near as bad about being trans as you may do now?

It's not hard to see that our poor treatment by others is what makes being trans so much more difficult than it needs to be. Even worse we are prone to turning those wider social attitudes back in on ourselves.

There is nothing wrong with being trans, but there is an awful lot wrong with how we are often treated. I know none of that makes for a difference when your faced with what you may be currently feeling or facing as a result of either being trans or pondering whether to out yourself and/or transition to whatever degree you want to. All I can say is that transition will indeed result in a degree of pain, but if you feel bad trapped inside a gender you are forced to pretend to be, what are your options? And no, harming yourself is not one of those options.

Accepting yourself for who you are is a massive step in the healing process. As a trans person you should have as much right to express your gender as any cis person. Of course that also means dealing with the gender police and the people who, for whatever reason, believe you do not have that right. You don't ever have to transition but accepting yourself as trans gives you the opportunity acknowledge there is nothing wrong with that and to at least decide what to do about it, including dealing with any lack of support and acceptance from others.

You are OK.

 AMEN!!!!!!

Well said. Wrong is subjective anyway, it changes with time and place what people consider wrong. Being normal just means average, in some ways we are not average, so what? People should get over this and concentrate on being a better human being and I don't think that can be achieved through harassment and hate.

Sometimes when I get overwhelmed emotionally I feel that my transition is a ridiculous idea and get transphobic towards myself but I quickly realize that most of the time I just feel that I don't meet my own high standards in various ways and sometimes I still feel shame about being transgender. And I really shouldn't feel this way but I got bullied a lot for being different and after all those years I have a hard time getting used to the idea that I did not deserve the treatment I got when I was young.

I totally agree that there's nothing wrong with someone being trans.  It's just how they are, a natural way they were born or whatever.  And that dysphoria is something to be expected when you have to go through living in a society that doesn't accept it.

However my partner said something interesting to me, that there's nothing wrong with him, at all.  But he is depressed and even suicidal at times.  Is that normal levels or dysphoria and to be expected?  Or is that something wrong with someone?  I don't know.  Of course trans people, like cis people, can have mental illnesses too, and whether or not caused by dysphoria, it wouldn't help when you have dysphoria too.  It's very hard to understand as someone who doesn't have to go through it.

The dysphoria itself can cause depression and even suicidal feelings because of the feeling of hopelessness that stems from it. 


Sapere Aude

It's also pretty tricky to feel normal and rational when everyone around you is acting like you're a calamity. C:

Quote from: Deborah on February 19, 2016, 06:57:57 PM
The dysphoria itself can cause depression and even suicidal feelings because of the feeling of hopelessness that stems from it. 

Absolutely! Left untreated, dysphoria can have serious consequences on the sufferer's mental well-being.  Even for those who transition, the way they are often treated by society can also cause serious mental health issues.

Quote from: SophieSakura on February 19, 2016, 06:43:14 PM
I totally agree that there's nothing wrong with someone being trans.  It's just how they are, a natural way they were born or whatever.  And that dysphoria is something to be expected when you have to go through living in a society that doesn't accept it.

However my partner said something interesting to me, that there's nothing wrong with him, at all.  But he is depressed and even suicidal at times.  Is that normal levels or dysphoria and to be expected?  Or is that something wrong with someone? I don't know.  Of course trans people, like cis people, can have mental illnesses too, and whether or not caused by dysphoria, it wouldn't help when you have dysphoria too.  It's very hard to understand as someone who doesn't have to go through it.

Depression and suicidal thoughts are very common in the transgender community.

I and I think a number of people here were on anti-depression medications before transition. I do recall my first visit to the endo who asked what medications I was on. When I told her about my anti-depression drug she sort of laughed and said 'Of course you are on anti-depressants, you been trying to deal with being in the wrong body for most of your life'.

Three months after starting HRT I was taking my morning pills, blood pressure, statins, E, AA I picked up my anti-depressant looked at it and threw it in the bin. Didn't need that anymore! (not recommended BTW).

Oh and after 6 months my blood pressure was normal (even without the AA) and my cholesterol level was normal.

The amazing influence of being finally normal can have on you!

Trying to keep yourself bottled up, conforming to social expectations around roles, appearance and behaviour, bullying and ridicule if you don't conform, can indeed lead to a lot of depression and even attempts at self harm.

Free at last dear God Almighty, free at last

Quote from: Violets on February 19, 2016, 09:13:29 PM
Absolutely! Left untreated, dysphoria can have serious consequences on the sufferer's mental well-being.  Even for those who transition, the way they are often treated by society can also cause serious mental health issues.

Though I am only 27 years old, it took me until age 26 for me to finally make this realization.

And thank you, Ms. Grace, for this thread. Its very encouraging. A very good way to start off the day, wouldn't you say?



-Phoenix

Quote from: Ms Grace on February 19, 2016, 04:21:24 PM

(...)

It's not hard to see that our poor treatment by others is what makes being trans so much more difficult than it needs to be. Even worse we are prone to turning those wider social attitudes back in on ourselves.

(...)

You are OK.

So true. To turning those back in ourserves it's like drinking pure poison -

Agreed: I'm OK!

- Thanks for sharing...

Aly

Yes of course I understand that dysphoria and people treating you badly could definitely be bad for mental health.  It's just that he says things like, that because being trans isn't an illness, and dysphoria isn't an illness, then the rest of the stuff isn't an illness, that it's normal for trans people, and that he doesn't need to see a therapist.  I know it can be common but don't know if I'd consider it ever normal. But I don't know what to say, do I try to help because he is depressed, or is that somehow belittling trans people because it's making it seem like he's sick.   I don't think he's sick because of being trans of course, or because of having dysphoria, but because he's so depressed.

Then at other times he will say he needs therapy and has made an appointment with a gender therapist who is meant to be very good.  But then he might get mad at me if he's saying he doesn't need therapy and I say he does need it.  I always feel like I'm saying the wrong thing, you know.  And I'm scared of using the wrong language and sounding transphobic.

One thing that might be going on with him is that he doesn't realize how much the dysphoria is affecting the rest.  I didn't realize that myself until I started HRT and many of those problems disappeared.  When all you have ever experienced is a constant level of depressive feelings you internalize that as the normal state.  It wasn't until all that went away that I found I wasn't a naturally cynical and short tempered person.  Those were simply symptoms and not the natural state.


Sapere Aude

Quote from: SophieSakura on February 20, 2016, 05:36:51 AMI know it can be common but don't know if I'd consider it ever normal.

Its not considered "normal" only because we do not count as the majority. There was a time when being a race/ethnicity other than Caucasian or White was not normal and probably still isn't to some types of people out there. Just an example I'm using. Society is evolving though. The more we evolve in our understanding of science and things of that nature, the more accepting we all become until we reach a point where being trans is really no big deal whatsoever. We'll get there.



-Phoenix

Quote from: SophieSakura on February 20, 2016, 05:36:51 AM
It's just that he says things like, that because being trans isn't an illness, and dysphoria isn't an illness, then the rest of the stuff isn't an illness, that it's normal for trans people, and that he doesn't need to see a therapist.

Well they don't have to see a therapist, but if they're depressed it's very likely they will benefit from doing so. But like you say there's not much you can do about it. Don't let your spouse use their trans issues to bully you into acquiescence - the two of you are in a relationship and you have equal rights and an equal say.

Personally I wouldn't say dysphoria is "normal", it may frequently come with being trans but that doesn't mean it isn't related to mental health... it should always be looked after.

I am a transgender individual, I see nothing wrong with it

Quote from: SophieSakura on February 20, 2016, 05:36:51 AM
It's just that he says things like, that because being trans isn't an illness, and dysphoria isn't an illness, then the rest of the stuff isn't an illness, that it's normal for trans people, and that he doesn't need to see a therapist.

True, being trans isn't an illness.  Having legs isn't an illness either, but if someone breaks your legs, most of us would agree that you need a doctor.

IMHO, dysphoria is an "illness," just like (clinical) depression.  Look up the definition.

Another metaphor: being a girl isn't an illness, but if you grow up in an all-male society which has never heard of girls, then you might   need some expert help when you hit puberty.  E.g., imagine the reaction of ER personel who've never heard of girls, vaginas, or menstruation when you show up bleeding from where -- so they assume -- your genitals used to be.  Yeah, you'd need expert help.

I feel like this thread - which was meant to be positive - has gone off the tracks. 



Seriously...