Hi, I am going with the name Tasha for now, still pretty new to the whole experience of being non-binary. I told my wife that I liked wearing stockings and high heels about 8 months ago, and since then we have discovered that those things we just a scratch on the surface. My wife is 100 percent with me on anything that makes me happy, and is willing to stick with me through everything, so that is one concern that I don't have to think about, but since I've started exploring, I have just become more confused and need to find a community that I can lean on with questions and talk openly to in an attempt to find some kind of understanding of myself. I am looking forward to learning from you all... Talk to you soon!!

Hey Tasha!

Welcome to Susan's Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

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Cheers

Grace

Hi Tasha 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

So, maybe I should start adding detail to this...

I remember wanting to trade clothes with my sister at 4 years old... We do ally did one night (I put on her nightgown) and she went to show my parents. They called me out to the living room, and when I got there, they started laughing, and couldn't stop. I ran back to our shared room and changed back right away. I did everything I could from that point forward to show that I was masculine. Fights in school, rough sports and play, you name it... I gave myself so many scars that I can't remember how I got 3/4 of them.

It wasn't till my teen years that I let myself try anything on again, not for lack of wanting by any stretch. I used to take girls shopping just so I could live vicariously in their clothes by helping them find them. But even as I started to wear clothes when completely alone, I always got a guilty feeling... At the time I was scared into Christianity, so I thought is was god telling me I was sinning. It was a horrible feeling. It wasn't till I was 23 years old or so that I even owned an article of women's clothing.... And that was because a girl left a pair of heels at my house. Two sizes too small, hurt like hell.... But I wore them for an hour a day or so every time I felt safe doing so. I again started feeling so guilty that I stopped, I even burned the shoes so I would not pull them out of the garbage.

In order to prove how masculine of a man I was, I started working construction, framing, concrete siding, finish work.... Basically all phases... And still do because I am the sole breadwinner and it's the only way I can afford to support my family. I have a hard time imagining how a conservative republican town would react to me dressing and transitioning, when we already have a certain reputation. I already got caught with nail polish on once, I said I had a daddy daughter night and let her paint my nails... The customer looked relieved and said that they would not have been as inclined to hire us because of it. We ended up getting the job, but, what the hell can I do now? I can't uproot my family... My daughter is finally in a good place mentally and has good friends, and stopped some things that were horrible and I probably shouldn't go into yet.

On the bright side, my wife is wonderful! She took the news of my wearing heels a little hard because I hid it from her for so long ( like 7 years), but once over the shock she supported me in it, and even helped me to realize that it was more than a fetish, that it wasn't weird, and that even if I decided to get srs and hrt, she would still stay with me because she fell in love with who I am, and I am still the same person. The only thing that is different is how I look. So... Now I am on the journey to discover exactly how far a need to go, and how far I am comfortable going along this path of self discovery.

I find that I want a woman's body, I want to be soft, and not hairy. I want to wear dresses, skirts, heels, cute flats, cute shirts, I love super flared jeans, jewelry, and makeup. I want to ha e girls night, and wear pretty nighties...  And I accept myself for who I am. And need to finish learning who I am.


Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I look forward to meeting you all!!!

Welcome to Susan's Place. It somewhat depends on where you live and how you handle it. I lived much of my life in Orange county California and have traveled in much of the central United States and have never had any difficulty dealing with people. Yes there may be a few people who will react to you be consider the fact that in the business world women are not always treated as equals. It is still necessary for a woman to try harder and do a better job than a man to gain the same respect that a man has. I have two links you might want to look at. The first is our Wiki where you can learn what being transgender is and may determine where you fit in. The second is "the transition channel" which is a bit more transsexual in nature but still may provide help exploring your feelings. If you have questions, feel free to post them here and I will respond when I can.

Welcome!

Welcome Tasha!  It's so nice to have a supportive spouse, I'm fortunate to have that as well as I explore where I belong in this world.

Hugs,
DeeDee

Hi Tasha and welcome to Susan's. I have a supportive spouse and.it.makes a huge difference as you move forward. Look forward to reading future posts from you.

😊

Thanks for the kind words and support, it has been wonderful having people to talk to that understand  these confusing feelings!!!