When I started talking to my boyfriend seven months ago, I knew I had stumbled onto something special. I had only been on hormones for about a month at the time and ever since then, he has figuratively been at my side for every step of my transition. He calms me down whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed, he tells me I'm beautiful when I need it, and most importantly, he gives me hope when things seem dire.
We finally met in person for the first time in early January and everything was perfect. I loved the way he wrapped his hands around my hips, I felt breathless when he caressed my neck, and every time we kissed, I swear my feet left the ground for just a moment. I had been told I was beautiful a thousand times, but having someone love and appreciate my body for the first time really made me believe it. I felt confident, sexy, and everything seemed so right.
However, when we undressed each other and laid down on the bed to make love for the first time, I felt so... Inadequate. I focused on making him feel good to distract myself from my dysphoria, but after I got him off, he wanted to return the favor. I tried so hard to focus on the sensation, but the more he worked at it, the more embarrassed I felt. I wanted so badly to be rid of the nuisance between my legs, to be normal, and to make love to him like a normal girl.
He's planning to move in with me next month so we can be near each other, but I don't know how I could ever be comfortable letting him touch me down there... He's been incredibly patient with me through everything and I just want to be able to be intimate with him without feeling ashamed of my body. How do I let him love me?

Many transgender people keep their virginity until post-op because of reasons like this.  It's common.  I'd rather you be comfortable.  Maybe you should talk to him and discuss how the dysphoria ruins the experience for you.  Maybe you can find interesting ways around it.  I've known a pre-op couple that just never undressed all the way, and that to them was considered going all the way.  You should really just ask him for advice ❤

Many *hugs*

    xoxoxo Winter (15)

Quote from: Charlotte2494 on February 29, 2016, 03:53:54 AM
However, when we undressed each other and laid down on the bed to make love for the first time, I felt so... Inadequate. I focused on making him feel good to distract myself from my dysphoria, but after I got him off, he wanted to return the favor. I tried so hard to focus on the sensation, but the more he worked at it, the more embarrassed I felt. I wanted so badly to be rid of the nuisance between my legs, to be normal, and to make love to him like a normal girl.
He's planning to move in with me next month so we can be near each other, but I don't know how I could ever be comfortable letting him touch me down there... He's been incredibly patient with me through everything and I just want to be able to be intimate with him without feeling ashamed of my body. How do I let him love me?

Oh honey, I have been there. Exactly there, it almost ended my relationship with a man who is the love of my life and in the end it came down to a very open and in depth discussion about my feeling of self and my physical needs and hang ups.

To really thoroughly enjoy sex I still savour my orgasms when I can have them but we reached an agreement that has held nicely for several years now. It is simple, he never touches the 'nuisance' he goes near it, he may brush it by accident but he keeps his attention on the other very lovely area's that he can play with. If I get aroused enough and needy enough so that I want to come (even though that triggers me sometimes) I do the job myself while he is helping me in other ways. I found that pushing my 'nuisance' down between my legs and rubbing it while I keep it there feels very very nice and more than good enough to achieve a satisfying climax but also relieves some of the stress I feel over touching the damn thing. My fella is ok with this and I suspect he is really looking forward to me getting my 'lady garden' installed but it has worked for a long time now.

In the end it all came down to being honest and open with him about it. (alcohol helped for that conversation! We ended up having one of the best nights we had ever had after that!)

Good luck honey, every journey is different but that was mine.

I've heard that many girls have success keeping their clothes on and using a powerful vibrator.  I've been with a ciswoman who preferred this, too.